Turn It Into Magic

"I can't belive you would do that! Now Tim is attatched to me at the hip and it was all I could to to pry the little fucker off to come in here!"

Abi pinched the bridge of her nose as Trent continued to rant about their prank.

"Look, Trent," Abi said, interrupting his profanities mid-stream. "It wasn't my idea, nor was it Elizabeth's. It was Marilyn's. If you want to yell at anyone, yell at him."

"You let it happen! You're in charge of this fucking hospital! Don't tell me you can't control Marilyn!"

"Trent, can you control Marilyn?"

"...No."

"Exactly. And you're a grown man," Elizabeth said. "And then, of course, there was Twiggy. And Ginger, John, Pogo, and Zim. You can't tell them all no. You can't control all of them."

"I wish Gidget was still here! He always knew what to do!" Trent wailed as he ran from the room like a woman in a soap opera.

"How the hell doesn't he know Gidget's still here?" Elizabeth muttered to herself. "Even Tim knows he's here."

"Yeah, but Gidget doesn't like Trent. I mean, now-a-days he can fuck with him without Trent having any clue," Abi responded.

"That's a good point. It's kind of sad how Trent thinks Gidget liked him," Elizabeth laughed, thinking of how oblivious Trent was to everything.

"Plus the only way Gidget got people under control was by giving them drugs," Abi pointed out.

"Hey, whatever works. I'd give 'em drugs, too, if I had money left over after paying for all the shit they break and the lawsuits with all the people they piss off," Elizabeth said with a sigh as she stood up to grab something to eat.

"Is that where all our money's been going?" Abi asked.

"Well, where the hell else do you think I could spend that much money?" Elizabeth asked.

"I dunno. Hookers."

"Oh yeah, because I need hookers when there are are actually a few, hot, straight guys living here."

Abi didn't reply as Elizabeth grabbed coffee for the both of them, preparing them for another eventful day. Just as Elizabeth sat down and handed Abi her coffee, the door burst open.

"I THOUGHT GIDGET WAS DEAD!" Trent screamed.

"...He is, the last time I checked," Abi said, confused. She looked at Elizabeth, who nodded in confirmation.

"Oh really? Because I just seen him!" he shouted, pointing outside the door. Abi stood silently and looked out the door. She did, in fact, see Gidget, who waved at her.

"Trent, you asshole, that's Gidget's ghost!" Abi yelled, smacking him upside the head.

"His... ghost?"

"Yes his ghost."

"Dude, Gidget's here if anyone-" Twiggy stopped talking as he poked his head through the door and seen Trent. "I mean-"

"Twiggy, I know about Gidget."

Twiggy coughed awkwardly. "Well. Good for you." And with that, he left the room, calling for Gidget.

"Trent, just... Do you want to talk to Gidget or not?" Abi asked bluntly.

"Oh, I see. You guys want me to leave. No, I get it, it's okay," Trent said, walking from the room.

"Have fun with Tim!" Elizabeth yelled cheerfully as Trent stormed away.

"Shut up!" he yelled childishly as he ran down the hall. Abi sighed, something it seems she did a lot.

"Well, now it's time to relax with some coffee," Abi said, settling herself into the chair. At that exact moment, Pogo leaped into the room, a wild grin on his face.

"You're never going to guess what just happened!" he exclaimed excitedly. His eyes flicked back and forth, taking in the unamused expressions of Elizabeth and Abi.

"What happened?" Abi asked tersely. Pogo smiled wider and was almost to the point of bouncing up and down.

"I started a war!"

"WHAT?!"

"A war. Like, in the hospital! It's gonna be so cool!" he laughed. "Well, what do you think?"

"You really want to know what I think?" Abi spat. Pogo nodded quickly, so Abi continued. "Pogo, I think you're a fucking idiot!!"

Pogo's happy expression dropped. "Why?"

"You just proved Trent right, dumbass! He was in here not five minutes ago, bitching about how we can't control you. And you just basically said that's true."

"Oh... well it's too late now! I'm gonna go find my bulletproof jacket," Pogo said, almost dancing out of the room.

"Mother of God."

"Is it just me, or do they seem to be getting more and more out of control by the day?" Elizabeth asked, quickly finishing off her coffee.

"They really must be. I mean, seriously. It's like, what are they eating? Or drinking. Or snorting. That's beside the point, but you know what I mean, right?" Abi rambled. Elizabeth stood and set her coffee cup on the counter.

"I don't know about you, but I think I'm going to take a nap while I still can," Elizabeth said, stretching.

"I think that's a great idea," Abi agreed. They parted ways and headed for their rooms, trying not to sprint down the halls in fear.

__________

"Elizabeth! Wake the fuck up!" Abi hissed, shoving her friend violently awake.

"What the hell do you want?" Elizabeth asked, pissed that she'd been awoken from such a lovely nap.

"I just thought you'd want to know that they're starting," Abi said. Elizabeth rubbed her eyes and sat up.

"Okay," she said. That's when she noticed someone standing in the doorway. "Ginger? What are you doing here?"

"John's out there fucking around but I don't really want a part in this. You guys are neutral, so I figured I'd hang with you guys," Ginger shrugged. Elizabeth nodded slowly, never taking her eyes off him.

"Oh-kay," she said, drawing out the word. "What are we going to do?"

"I thought it would be cool to barricade ourselves in the office with a bunch of blankets and food and stuff," Abi shrugged. Elizabeth nodded slowly once more, climbing off her bed and pushing some blankets into a heap. After she shoved some clothes into a bag, she looked over at Ginger and Abi's questioning faces.

"Are we going or not?" she asked, still obviously sleepy.

"Sure, let's go," Abi said, motioning for Elizabeth to follow her out of the room. "But remember, we need to go pretty quickly because they're already on watch. They've separated off their halves of the hospital."

Then, the three of them ran from the room. They passed through whomever's territory it was without incident and made it safely to Elizabeth and Abi's office.

"Okay, so. I'm awake now and I want to know if anyone knows what happened to cause the war," Elizabeth said, dropping her bag on the floor as she followed Ginger and Abi to the circle of seats. Abi plopped down on an armchair, Ginger on the loveseat, and Elizabeth on the couch.

"I don't know what started it, but I know who's on what 'team,'" Abi said, sighing at the last word.

"Okay, tell me."

"So on one team, there's Pogo, Zim, John, and Twiggy. On the other there's Trent, Marilyn, Tim, and Daisy," Abi informed them.

"Woah, John's on Pogo's team? I can see why you wanted to be neutral, Ginge," Elizabeth said, shaking her head as if she was disappointed at John's choice, though, if faced with the descision to choose which team to be on, she'd choose Pogo's, too. "And Marilyn and Twiggy are on different teams. Wow."

"It's so weird. And Daisy joined in. You'd think he'd be on Pogo's side, too, but I guess not," Abi shrugged.

"So, do you know how it started?" Elizabeth asked again.

"I do," Ginger spoke up.

"Cool. How?"

"Pogo was making fun of Trent and Tim, and Marilyn stood up for them and Twiggy just so happened to be with him. John, Zim, and I had been there the whole time. The other two thought it would be fun to join in and Trent couldn't handle not having as many people as them, so he pulled Daisy over, who was actually being innocent," Ginger explained.

"Pogo is such an instigator," Abi sighed, shaking her head. Ginger nodded in agreement.

"That's what she said," Elizabeth snickered. Abi glared at Elizabeth, then threw a pillow at her.

"Shut the hell up," she growled.

"Stop being such a sourpuss! Even Ginger laughed!" Elizabeth said, pointing at Ginger.

"You traitor!" Abi exclaimed, staring open mouthed at Ginger.

"Don't act like you didn't fuck him!" Ginger said.

"Twice," Elizabeth added.

"You're both assholes!" Abi yelled dramatically.

"Yeah, but you love us," Ginger smiled, still smiling.

"And Pogo," Elizabeth added once again. "Can't forget Pogo."

"Both of you shut the hell up before I decide to hire Pogo to come and kill you guys," she said.

"Why? So you'd have an excuse to pay him in sex?" Elizabeth laughed. Abi's face turned to a vicious, deadly expression. "I'm sorry, Abi. I'll stop. I promise."

"Thank you," Abi said. "Now, who wants coffee?"

"Hey, did you guys need me?" Pogo asked, unexpectedly popping his head into the room. Everyone's eyes widened in terror.

"Um...n-no," Abi said, though it sounded more like a question. Hesitantly, she asked, "Why?"

"I sneezed and knew you guys were talking about me. I was just wondering if you needed something," Pogo explained, sounding crazier than before and looking the part with his military-esque outfit, messed up hair, and Nerf dart guns.

"You... sneezed?" Ginger asked, his voice filled with confusion. "And somehow that let you know we were talking about you?"

"Well, yeah. My Pogo Power told me so."

No one knew how to respond to that, so they just stared at Pogo, their mouths agape as they questioned the sanity of the man before them once more.

"So I'm taking it that you don't need me."

"Y-yeah. We... we didn't need anything," Abi said.

"Okay, well. I need to get back. I left Zim in charge, but who knows what Twiggy's getting himself in to. I'll see you around," Pogo said, waving as he exited the room.

"Sometimes I think he should be in a mental hospital," Abi said, forgetting all about the coffee and sitting down.

"If you haven't noticed, this pretty much is a mental hospital," Elizabeth sighed.

"Oh yeah."