If Sarcasm Is the New Black, Baby You're Bleeding Ink

"I'm talking about fate here - when feelings are so powerful it's as if some force beyond your control is guiding you to someone who can make you happy beyond your wildest dreams."
Alex & Emma

He never really talked to anyone. People said he thought he was too good for everyone else. I thought he was just shy. His name was James Osorio and he walked the shadows, not wanting to be noticed. The Osorio family was the richest in the town. Mr. Osorio owned an insurance company and had a lot of real estate all over the country.

“I really doubt it though” I sighed, trying to focus on my reading while Vanessa was more interested in being a human gossip rag.

“I swear she was grinding on that guy like…well like she wanted to fuck him! I mean…you know” Vanessa whispered, her brown eyes huge.

“If Claire wants to fuck him then I think she should get it over with” I snapped, “Maybe then you’ll be interesting conversation”

I looked around the classroom, my eyes begging to be closed. It was a lazy Thursday afternoon in 7th period study. Mr. Hearne was asleep at his desk and some boys were planning on sneaking vodka into his coffee to see if teachers got drunk. Then, something out of step happened. And by out of step, I mean totally and inconceivably astounding.

“Well, since teachers are people they are surely capable of becoming intoxicated…but judging by his weight I’m sure it would take much more than a small dose of vodka mixed with coffee to do the trick...and that’s not vodka, it’s whiskey”

James Osorio talked. He moved his lips and words came out. Predictably brainy and eloquent words, but still.

“Holy shit I didn't know he could talk” Vanessa mumbled.

“What the hell do you know?” one of the guys asked, “Like you’ve ever drank any of this stuff”

James just smirked and looked back down at his book, becoming apathetic with the world once more.

I frowned; maybe he did think he was too good for us.

“Don’t tell me you’re falling for Osorio” Vanessa snickered, taking a sip of some weird weight loss shake.

“Shut up Ness, and pull your skirt down…I don’t think it’s considered sexy to have your ass hanging out”

“Maybe you wouldn’t think so…but I’m sure Tyler thinks otherwise” She locked eyes with one of those boys from across the room. He grinned and winked at her. I shuddered and began gathering my books, waiting for the bell to ring.

I suppose I would be in the same position as James if it weren't for Vanessa. She insisted I go shopping with her, go to parties…I even had to double-date with her one time. I almost had to pull out my pepper spray on the creep she set me up with. We had been best friends since kindergarten, and that was never going to change, no matter how different from one another we got.
“Well Abigail, since you’re being such a smart mouth I’m going to pair you with Osorio, maybe he can teach you some manners” Mrs. Gates snapped after I simply pointed out her incorrect grammar usage in front of the whole chemistry class.

“Who’s Vanessa gonna be partnered with then? She’s been my lab partner for the whole year” I said, crossing my legs. I never respected Mrs. Gates as a teacher. She had dated my brother a couple years ago. I caught her cheating on him with her future husband. We obviously hated each other.

“You’ll just switch…Michael you’re with Vanessa…now go sit with James, Abigail” she ordered.

I grimaced and gathered my books, leaving Vanessa, who gave me a poignant glare. Michael seemed happiest about the situation; he was at his new seat in a flash, looking happy to not have to sit next to James anymore. I guess I had a lot to look forward to.

I slammed my books down on the desk and slumped down on the chair next to James, being sure not to make eye contact with him. The good thing about this transition was that I was now sitting in the back, out of Mrs. Gates’ crappy vision.

“You are quite a rude person, you know” an articulate yet bored voice said from beside me.

I turned to see James, staring at me with his tired grey eyes, which were framed beneath wire-rim glasses. I had never seen him so up-close before. He was actually kind of handsome with his jet black hair and pale white skin.

“I really don’t care what you think” I mumbled, opening my notebook and tapping my pen against the desk, resting my head on my hand.

“Fair enough” he smirked.

The entire class period James just sat there, reading a biography on some dead guy. I would’ve thought James, being a straight-A student, would have taken strict notes.

“Well it was fun sitting with you” I muttered sarcastically, slinging my backpack over my shoulder at the end of the period.

“Likewise” he grinned, setting his book down and studying me, “Rude girls can make for good tablemates sometimes”

“Gee thanks” I said, holding back a giggle, “You know, no one’s called me rude before”

“I guess I’m the first one who’s found the guts, hmm?” he said, eyeing me amusedly before walking off.

“That guy is creepy” Vanessa muttered, walking up to me.

“Eh, I really don’t care” I shrugged off James Osorio to Vanessa. The last thing I needed was for her to know I had even the slightest interest in a boy. Especially a guy like Osorio.
“Do you think I’m rude?” I asked Nathan on the drive home from school. My older brother worked as a fireman for Hansborough Township. He spent most nights at the station, so the only times I really got to talk to him were the rides to and from school.

He let out a loud laugh, “You don’t think you’re rude?”

“How am I rude?!” I exclaimed.

“Well, you’ve never really cared what people think”

“Isn't that a good thing?” I asked, exasperated.

“Not when you’re trash-talking your chemistry teacher” Nathan growled, “The school called me again”

“She’s not just my chem teacher! She is the enemy!” I exclaimed, “You should hear the way she calls me Abigail, like…I dunno like I’m an idiot”

Nathan sighed as he pulled into the driveway of our Victorian style house, complete with a wrap-around porch and old dumbwaiter. “Abby…I’m touched you’d verbally attack Rachel for me, but seriously, there are some things you just have to deal with”

“She made me sit next to this guy who doesn't talk to anybody! And he just had to go calling me rude like he knew me!” I exclaimed, following him into the house.

“Who is this kid? He deserves a medal” Nathan laughed, ruffling my hair.

“James Osorio! He is so insufferable!” I exclaimed, following him through the front door and into the kitchen.

“Osorio huh? Doesn’t his dad own like half of this town?” he said absentmindedly, rifling through the refrigerator, probably looking for the beer.

“Yeah and that’s what makes him like ten times worse because now his not just some annoying guy, his an annoying…snobby…rich…guy!” I exclaimed, fumbling over my words a bit.

“You’re such a cutie pie when you’re angry” Nate fake-cooed, pinching my cheek. I smacked his hand away and snapped, “Don’t you have some flames to put out, Fireman Sam?”

He laughed and took a long gulp of his beer, “Yeah, don’t try and miss me too much, babe”

I grimaced as he gave me a quick squeeze then ran out the door. As soon as I saw him pull out of the driveway, I let out a sigh and finished Nate’s beer.