Code of Honor

The days dragged out stuck inside the hideout. It seemed to get smaller by the day. Knowing there wasn’t much else to do but be bored I tried to sleep most the days away. It seemed to be the only way to cure the boredom that plagued me. Dimitri made use of himself helping Jamison and my father out. I had no such objective. As much as I didn’t want to admit I was still sulking.

I hated being cooped up. It was even worse when there was literally nothing to do but sit. I could tell I wasn’t the only one sick of being stuck in here. I noted a few people were getting restless but the declared danger outside stopped anyone leaving. The thought of going out had crossed my mind a few times but before I could even act on it my father seemed to know what I was up to. His eyes were constantly on me. Waiting for my attempt at escape. He knew me to well. So I was left to pace circles, grumbling, I never handled boredom and inactivity well.

“Grace,” Billy groaned eventually. “Sit down your making me dizzy.”

I frowned. “What?”

“I’m bored out of my mind to,” He sighed. “And you walking circles is making me feel worse.”

“There’s nothing to do,” I grumbled slumping down to sit beside him.

“I know,” he stated dryly. “I’m as bored as you are Gracie.”

“Wish he’d stop watching me so I could just go,” I grumbled. Billy laughed.

“Good luck with that. He hasn’t taken his eyes off you for more than five minutes...gotta wait ‘til his sleeping.”

I laughed. “Good idea.”

“Don’t,” he said seriously, a smile breaking through. “You’ll get me into trouble for giving you ideas...poker?”

“Nah,” I sighed. “You already won everything of any value I had.”

He smirked at me and laid back on the floor. I sighed and stared into the bottom of the fire. Small flickers of green colored fire ran across the bottom. I watched it intently. I was so bored it held my attention for some time while my mind ran in circles. I had already put thought into leaving when it got dark. Not only because my father wouldn’t be watching. I had an invitation.

The words Riley had written seemed to be imprinted on the forefront of my mind. They had been for days. I had read his latest letter repeatedly trying to make up my mind. He had told me of a spot he had. Hidden from the rest of the world. He told me it was safe, he was there nearly every night. It was his escape. I’d run over the directions he’d given me a thousand times. It didn’t seem like the safest place to be. They had to patrolling around there for sure. But I had to go after dark. It was the reason it was safe...but also the reason I was hesitant.

I had never been outside at night since this had broken out. There had never really been a reason to and the dark just seemed to make it dangerous. Even if it wasn’t. But now here I was. Desperate for something to do. Only able to do it under the cover of darkness and my father’s sleep. And now I had somewhere to go.

“Here.”

I jolted from my thoughts and looked around. Billy was shuffling cards beside me, a small pile was sitting face down in my lap. I frowned.

“What?”

“Poker, we’re playing for hugs,” He said seriously.

I grimaced. “I don’t want to hug you.”

“Then you better play well,” He smirked pulling out his own cards.

I sighed and picked my cards up. I had nothing better to do...until tonight.

As nightfall fell so did the temperature. We all sat scattered around the dying embers of the fire. The conversation had died over an hour ago and no one had made an attempt to start it again. As usual it had been talk of evacuation to California that had killed it. No one knew what to do. Most didn’t want to leave the safety of our group for a risk. When the conversation didn’t start up again most went to bed with California on their minds.

Eventually there was only a few of us left watching the embers die. My father was still awake on the other side, but his eyes weren’t on the fire. They were on me. I was doing my best to ignore him. Penny had taken a turn for the better. She was slowly reaching a point she wouldn’t need to be in isolation. I didn’t know how to feel about this. I would have to face her. I wasn’t exactly fond of her either right now. Seeing as she was the other half of my father’s betrayal. I sighed. I missed my mom. I missed her bad cooking and jokes. I missed the softness of her chest when we hugged.

“Are you alright sweetheart?”

I looked up as a hesitant hand touched my shoulder gently. I was met with my father’s green eyes. They were dull for the first time ever. I could see his sadness and loneliness. Instantly I blocked it out. I wanted to be mad at him. I still was and with my mother on my mind I felt even more betrayed. I shrugged his hand off my shoulder and stood up in one fluid movement. I turned my back on him and walked over to where Dimitri and I shared our spot. I heard his footsteps start to follow me.

“Cameron.”

It was Jamison’s voice that stopped them. I curled up under the dirty blanket Dimitri’s body had already warmed and listened to my father’s foot falls walk back to the dying embers. I curled up underneath the blanket and buried my head under my arm. It was darker under hear and slightly warmer. Dimitri was like a human heater. I closed my eyes but refused to let myself sleep. Instead I patiently listened to Dimitri light snoring, a small price to pay for his warmth, and the sounds of everyone else drifting off to bed. My father was the last to go. Only after he’d been by our bed and pulled the blanket over me gently. I put the best act of sleep I had ever pulled in my life.

Even after the hideout fell into a deep silence. I waited. I didn’t want to risk being caught by anyone. I was only going to get one chance at this. I lifted my head out from under the blanket. The moon had lit up the room enough for me to make out the sleeping bodies of our group around the room. No one seemed to be moving. Slowly I moved the blanket off myself. Careful not to wake Dimitri.

Testing the waters I crept over to the right side of the room where everything was stashed and quietly pretended to take a drink of water. Peeking slowly over my shoulder. No one had moved. I kept my eyes on my father as I tip toed across the room and quickly ducked out the doorway. I bounded down the stairs in three long steps, almost falling on my face as I did. I hesitated in the doorway to see if anyone had followed me but the hall remained empty. Smirking I slipped outside.

The outside world was a whole another experience at night time. It was creepier, quieter. The only sounds I could hear was the depressing song of the crickets and the wind blowing past me. The destruction seemed worse in the reflection of the moon. I had the fleeting thought of going back inside and letting this stupid idea die a lonely death. Instead I moved on. I moved slowly across the across the street heading down to the northern side of the city. I hadn’t been in this direction ever. There wasn’t much out here to warrant it. Until now.

It didn’t take long for the scenery to become unfamiliar. I used to know this area of the city very well. I had spent most my weekends here with my friends. It was the biggest shopping district in the city. Definitely the best. But now, like the rest of the city, it had been reduced to rubble. A few buildings still stood but the area was still reasonably open. I hesitated at the end of the street I had been walking up. Preservation Plaza spread out before me. I remembered back when they opened it. A new landmark in an expanding city. It had been beautiful when it had first been erected.

Plants and benches outlined it, a fountain in the middle where children would throw away their parents spare change to wish for new toys. On the other side a shopping mall stood. It had been designed state of the art designers and architects. A flailing attempt to save a city going under in the recession. It was meant to spark some hope into the citizens of the area that things would be okay. Now it just embodied everything about the war they’d been fighting to keep off our shores.

The gardens were dead and rotting into the ground. A single tree trunk stood off to one side with no vegetation left growing on it. Only a sign pointing towards the mall for evacuation. Even that was lopsided and falling towards the dirt. From where I stood in the cover of a long bus stop I could see a few areas were nomads and squatters had slept and created shelter. I didn’t know if any of them were sleeping there now. I wasn’t even sure if they would be a danger to me. I had never had a run in with a nomad before.

A few streetlights across the plaza flickered and died. They had been doing that the whole time I had been standing here. The area must still have power. That was a rarity. In the flicker of its light I see a crushed car close to the door of the Mall. Rubble lining the street around it. I could see nothing else. The only life forms was me and a tortoiseshell cat sitting on one of the broken concrete benches. Curled into a small ball, sleeping. Surely if there was anyone else around it would have taken off.

I took its presence as a sign it was safe and stepped out slowly. Taking a few steps into the open I scanned the area again. Still nothing. Suddenly a loud screech made me jump three feet in the air and I was forced to hold back my scream. I flung around on my heel. A crow sat atop one of the dead streetlights. Looking straight at me.

“Fucking bird,” I breathed feeling my heart pound in my chest.

I turned back around and walked further into the plaza. Stepping over a pile of concrete that had once been a bench I walked closer to the fountain. It was still remotely in one piece. Some areas showed the wear and tear of the bombings and fighting. But altogether it still looked the same. I sat down on the edge.

“You take it.” He said

“No Oliver,” I laughed pushing his hand back. “You found it.”

“But I want you to have it.”

I shook my head. “You do it, It’s not like it’s going to come true anyway.”

He scowled at me. “You’re the kinda person that kills fairies.”

I rolled my eyes. Casey laughed beside me. I watched him flick the small penny up into the air and caught it again in his hand.

We’d spent the day walking aimlessly around the shopping all day. Wasting our Sunday away amongst our friends. Like we always did. As we exited the Mall Oliver had found a penny laying on the dirty concrete and had insisted I throw it into the fountain.

He pouted at me. Holding the coin out for me.

“Oliver,” I laughed. “You found it you make the wish. It’ll be double as lucky,” I told him.

He pulled his tanned hand back pondering this thought. “Alright,” He conceded with a sigh.

Stepping forward to stand beside where I was sitting. He threw the penny into the air a few more times. I watched him watch it until a sweet smile took his lips. I smiled to. The next time h tossed the penny it flew out into the fountain where it sunk down to the bottom. Littered with more coins just like it.

“So,” I asked as he sat down and slung his strong arm around me. “What did you wish for?”

He glanced sideways at me with that attractive smirk on his face. “Why should I tell you. You don’t think it’ll come true.”

“Fine then,” I retorted jokingly pushing his arm off my shoulders and standing up.

“No!” He cried with a laugh in his voice and pulled me back down to sit on his lap. Where his strong arms held me tight. I laughed and snuggled into his chest.

“Actually,” He whispered so no one else could hear us. “I wished that you would be mine...forever.”

I let out a long sad sigh. It only felt like yesterday when he was telling me he loved me, with his muscled arms around me. But now he was gone. Like so many other people I had loved. I felt the grief start to weigh on me again. Sometimes I just wanted to cry and grieve for those I’d lost. But other times I just felt...numb. Like there was too much grief inside me and it shorted itself out until I couldn’t cry for them. No matter how badly I wanted to I just didn’t have it in me. Oliver, my mother, my brother and sister, my friends, they had all taken their own piece of me. I was empty.

Quickly I pulled myself to my feet. I couldn’t fall apart here. It wasn’t safe. I wiped my eyes dry and pushed myself on. Glancing only once into the empty fountain. A thin sheet of water still covered the bottom. Mostly from the passing rains and snow. The coins that had once littered the bottom were all gone. Taken though they were of no use to anyone anymore.

I turned away only to have something catch my eye in flicker of the streetlight. Instantly I turned around and went to investigate. I lent over the crumbled side of the fountain and looked deep inside it. An abandoned penny sat alone in the bottom. Face up. Not caring if I got my socks wet I scrambled into the fountain to pick it up. I smiled at it lightly, flicked it into the air once and carefully slipped it into my pocket.

Shaking off my wet feet I stepped back out of the fountain and headed towards the Mall. Pulling Riley’s latest note from my pocket as I did. His handwriting was messier than usual but still slightly understandable. He had given me basic directions of where he wanted me to go. I felt the butterflies flutter in my stomach. I didn’t know if it was nerves or fear that brought them to life. Maybe both. I had no idea what I was walking into here. It could be one of a thousand things but for some reason I kept walking.

I followed his intricate directions around the left side of the mall until I found a Grey with a faded staff only sign on it. I pulled on it. It shook with the force but refused to open. Sticking the note down into my pocket I started jimmying the lock until it finally gave. It didn’t take much. The whole place was in darkness. I couldn’t see a foot in front of me. I has seen enough similar areas to know that it would mostly be halls and rooms. Somewhere there’d be an in to the actual Mall.

I placed my hand on the cold concrete wall and slide it across. Stepping into the darkness. Only after a few steps I felt the dark start to suffocate me. I glanced back taking a deep breath. The moonlight still lit up the ajar doorway. The only way I had to keep my bearings. My brother had once told me that keeping my hand on the left wall of the maze I would always find my way back out. I had believed him at the time and followed his advice. Since we were already before a huge hedge maze (my mother’s idea of an exciting family day out) I gave it a try.

Now this theory of Leigh’s didn’t work or I didn’t know left from right. Since I was only seven years old at the time I’d go with the latter. Two hours later it had taken a team of nine men including my father to find me curled up and crying, lost in one of the dead ends. I wasn’t fond of Leigh for a while after that but now when I looked back I did have a hard time finding left and keeping it separate from right. This time I had a better understanding of left and right. I kept my hand plastered to the left concrete wall and followed it down the dark hallway.

After many short detours though dark rooms and several trips over god knows what in the darkness I came to another door. This one was slightly larger than the rest. I groped around in the darkness for the door handle. Half expecting it to be locked like several of the other doors I tugged on it. It opened it a loud squeak. I flinched and stopped it. I had no idea what was on the other side. I didn’t want to attract attention.

Carefully I peeked around the door frame. The mall itself expanded before me. A broken skylight on the roof provided enough moonlight for me to see again. I looked up. The full moon as directly above me. Carefully I took in my surroundings. It had been exactly what I had expected to see. All the shops were closed up. I couldn’t see inside most of them. All the damage was along the large walkways between them.

Plants were dead and ripped from there boxes. The moonlight reflected off all the broken glass on the floor. I could make out a thousand different muddy footprints on the floor. But there was absolutely no signs of life around. Knowing it was stupid I slipped inside and let the door close behind me. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat and started walking. I knew exactly where he wanted me to go but still I found myself moving too slowly. I was hesitating. I tried to tell myself there was nothing to be scared of here. He was trustworthy. But I couldn’t shake the feeling.

‘Maybe it’s not because you’re scared’

I quickly pushed the little voice in my head back where I couldn’t hear it. I was scared. There was no other explanation in my mind for the butterflies in my stomach. Or the nervousness I felt in the pit of my stomach. As far as I was concerned fear was the only explanation...or the only one I wanted to hear.

“Grace?”