Code of Honor

Despite best intentions, the bunker had not remained completely unharmed by the attacks on the city. In our room a small crack had formed along the roof. Upon inspection, Michael and my father decided that it was of no danger of caving in. the concrete had several of these cracks and dints throughout it. It was inevitable. But as the last of the snow melted in the spring sun and the water content in the ground rose. Small drops of water escaped the real world above and slowly threaded itself into ours. At first the constant rhythm it posed drove me up the wall. Now, it continued to lull me to sleep every night and keep me company during the long days cooped up inside.

After my father had calmed down, he had put down several restrictions. All solely for me. I was officially under lock and key, a prisoner. I was not to leave the hideout for whatever reason unless he was there, supervising me, as he put it. He no longer trusted me with my own life. So I spent the long lonely days lying around and day-dreaming. Not bothering to get out of bed and face the world.

The thick concrete walls seemed to close in around me whenever I looked at them. Accentuating the feeling that was trapped. There was no sunlight in here, barely any fresh air. What we got was mostly recycled through a ventilation system that had a horrible temperament. The place always seemed so…stuffy. I hated it. It might have been the best hideout we’d had, but it deprived us of the sun and I could barely stand it. If I stayed in bed, I could keep my eyes closed and imagine the sun on my skin, the safe feeling of home and the warmth of my mother. My imagination was much better than the real world. Unfortunately, some people had better ideas.

After three days of varying between sleeping and sulking, Jamison came to my rescue. He came and pulled me out of my hole weather I liked it or not. Under the context of wanting to teach me some stuff. I was still his nurse in training, even though I’d proved myself un-trustworthy.

He didn’t mention a single word about what had happened and I was thankful for that. I felt bad enough bad it already. He treated me as though it had never happened. Unlike my father, who had failed to speak a single word to me since the whole ordeal. Not since handing down my grounding. He’d chosen to ignore me. Or that’s how it felt.

On top of all this I felt like I was…grieving Riley. I didn’t know when I was going to see him again, if ever. At this point it looked like I would never face him again. Not with my father’s watchful eyes over me and his strict restrictions. Even if he happened to be away, everyone else was watching me for him. No one trusted me, or they were just following his orders. I wasn’t sure.

Though, what I was actually grieving, I didn’t know. At first I thought it was Riley, his company and everything he provided me. I’d already lost so much, so many friends, nearly my whole family. To lose someone else was almost unbearable. Knowing he was alive at least didn’t help. I still missed him just as much. Then there was the contrast his presence offered and maybe that was what I was grieving.

The loss of this second little world we’d created outside of our own sad situations. When I was with him, the daily struggle to survive didn’t seem so bad. The boring food and dreadful sleep became bearable. I felt, normal. There was no war when I was with him. The whole world just disappeared around us and we only saw the good parts. The beach, the animals and the little flowers growing in the cracks in the road. I could believe everything was normal with him. When in comparison, laying here and staring at the concrete walls made me feel horrible. All I could think about was the situation top-side and the reason I was stuck down here.

“Grace?”

Startled, I jumped out of my thoughts and glanced around for the source of my name. Lizzy was sitting beside me, her hair pulled over one shoulder, hiding her scar, and a soft expression on her face. Her dark eyes scanned over my face. I glanced away not liking the feeling.

“Are you alright, you seem a little out of it,” She said gently.

I shrugged. “Tired,” I lied. She didn’t buy it.

“Really?” She questioned carefully, her soft caring voice reminding of my mother a little too much, “Are you sure it’s not more than that?”

“Bored,” I tried again, still her eyes penetrated me. I sighed finally giving in. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I had to get it out somewhere. She would have understood. “…I miss my mom.”

She let out a soft sigh and reached out for me. Putting her thin gentle arm around me and pulling my head into her shoulder. The first female contact I’d had in a very long time. It didn’t help at all. It just reminded more and more of my mother but I still couldn’t pull away from her. She was to warm and comfortable. All of a sudden, I had to try very hard not to cry.

“I know,” She whispered, running her hand gently up and down my back. It was hauntingly like the way my own mother used to comfort me. Maybe Lizzy had been a mother to. “I know. We all have someone to miss. We just…have to be thankful that we’re still here to remember them.”

“I’m not,” I replied a little honestly. At this point in time I really didn’t care anymore. I was too tired. Too tired to care what she thought, who she told. Too tired to even cry. “I’m over it.”

“What?” She questioned though I think she understood what I was saying completely. I heard the concern in her voice.

“I’m sick of this,” I admitted. “I’m done…I just want it to be over already.”

“Don’t talk like that,” She said softly, bring me close and holding me tighter.

I didn’t know what else to say so I said nothing. Just found comfort in her soft shoulder, closing my eyes and pretending it was my mother holding me. Right now in this moment, I missed her more than I had ever since I had lost her. She had been on my mind a lot over the last few days. Ever since my father had told me how she had really died. It was information I really wish I’d never heard. Now I had a picture of how she died, how she hurt.

Slowly the sound of footsteps edged towards us, I used them as an anchor to pull myself from my thoughts and back into the real world. Slowly I sat up and glanced around. Jamison had come into the room his hands busy as always. He smiled at us and went back to the stack of supplies he was sorting out. As always.

“I didn’t realize you were staying back Liz,” Jamison said, making conversation.

Everyone else had gone out on a supply trip. I had been sleeping at the time and missed the chance. Not that I’d felt like going anyway. I was too tired to trek around the city all day. This just left Jamison, Lizzy, Penny and me behind. Everyone else was out on duty still trying to build up our supplies. We’d had word of a trader coming through in the next few days. Dad wanted as much stuff to trade as possible.

“No,” She replied. “Didn’t feel up to it today, thought I’d stay back and help you guys sort all this out.”

He chuckled. “Not that much to do I’m afraid. Not until they get back.”

“James!”

The cry made us all jump and turn in the other direction. I knew it had to be Penny as she was the only one here with us. But her voice had sounded so different I almost didn’t recognize it. Jamison got to his feet quickly and walked over, light on his feet. My misery and self-pity gave way to curiosity and I quickly followed.

Penny had been laid up in one of the back rooms away from all the noise and activity of the bunker. The pregnancy was really taking it out of her and the lack of any decent food wasn’t helping. Jamison had been keeping a close eye on her for a long time for any signs that something was wrong. Looking at her now, leant up against the wall and breathing heavily through her cracked lips, I knew something was up. Jamison was at her side in seconds, I stayed back out of the way. It didn’t take him long to turn around and start throwing orders.

“Grace, I need towels, blankets anything clean and some clean water now…Get Liz to.”

Realizing what was happening I turned on my heel and ran for the other section of the hideout. Lizzy stared at me as I started gathering what he had asked for and demanded she went to Jamison. She followed without question and I wasn’t far behind. When I got back, Jamison was positioned at Penny’s legs, Liz at her side.

“Any idea how this works?” He asked Liz, she nodded slowly.

I gave all the blankets and towels to Jamison, along with the jug of clean water. He placed it all beside him carefully.

“I was there for my sister’s baby,” She replied. “Just tell me what to do.”

“Grace?”

I was dumbfounded. Why on earth was he asking me?” “N…no,” I replied quickly. Lizzy almost cracked a smile.

“Alright,” He replied quickly. “You can fetch for me and I’ll tell you what you can do for me.”

I nodded slowly, completely lost. I had no idea what to do. The closest I had ever been to a baby was my little sister and that was nearly two hours after she had been born and bathed. I took up a spot on the sidelines, watching, but careful to stay out of the way of those who had some idea of what to do.

“You know how this works?” Jamison asked Penny and she nodded heavily. “Alright we’ll get through this.”

“Do you know what you’re doing?” Lizzy asked Jamison, eyebrow raised.

“I was a paediatrician for nearly ten years,” He replied. “I never actually birthed a baby but I’ve been around enough births and babies to understand what I’ve got to do.”

Penny went into another contraction as he finished speaking. Lizzy reached for her hand, offering her own, as Penny hurt. It passed quickly and she seemed okay again. I stared, dumbfounded.

“This is all normal Grace, don’t worry,” Jamison grinned.

“W…what?” I asked glancing at him. Penny smiled at me.

“You’re almost shaking as bad as she is,” He told me.

Glancing down at my hand I noticed he was right. I consciously tried to stop myself, knowing it really wasn’t going to work anyway.

“It’s alright darl,” Penny said to me. I was stunned how…normal she sounded considering. “I’ve done this three times before.”

“Wow Three,” Liz responded. “I was too scared to even try it once.”

“It’s worth it,” Penny replied

As if to prove a point another contraction rolled over her. Causing her to grip Liz’s hand and grit her teeth. Somehow my mind couldn’t understand how this could be normal. One minute she was fine and the next it looked like she was dying. My mom had really left a lot out in our talks.

This went on for some time. The only difference was the time in between. I felt for Penny, she looked to be in excruciating pain and she was less scared than I was. Jamison was continually sending me off for towels and whatever he needed whenever I started to look a little pale. But we were quickly running short of clean materials. Even though we had stocked up for this event. Jamison was being as sparing as he could but there was only so much he could do. All we could do was work around and hope the others got back soon with a stockpile of sheets. He had told me to keep a couple aside for after the baby was born. A blanket to keep it warm and something to clean it with afterwards.

I was also running drinks of water to Penny herself. Not only did poor Jamison have to birth this baby nearly Three to Four months early, we weren’t really sure, but he had to monitor Penny who was in as much danger as this child. We lacked any real medical supplies, nothing to help with the birth at all. We were doing it cave-man style and I seriously doubted the cave-men had a good survival rate. Then after what felt like nearly two days but had also gone so quickly Jamison announced.

“Okay, it’s crowning.” I fought the temptation to look. “Grace, get the clean towel ready, this could be done at any moment.”

I jumped and fumbled for the clean towel I had kept beside me the whole time. Holding it out in both my hands ready to catch it, if need be. When I was ready with the clean towel and blanket Jamison ordered Penny to start pushing again and with a cry and gurgle she did so. I had expected it to be over at this point, but still it continued to drag out. Only Penny’s painful cries past the time. I was starting to day-dream again when suddenly the activity brought me back.

Jamison was up on his knees working over her rapidly, Then suddenly there was something in his hands. The baby, I sat up to get a look. It looked so alien like, it was so little and out of proportion. Blood and mucus all over its little body. I had expected it to come out kicking and screaming but it was totally silent. For a moment I thought it might have been dead and the thought made my stomach drop.

But before I could really understand what he was doing, Jamison gently smacked and rubbed the little things back, before carefully putting his little finger in its mouth and clearing out what looked like more blood and mucus. Then it started to scream. It was loud.

Before I could get over the sudden liveliness in the small baby he passed it over to me and wrapped the ends of the towel around it. Carefully but forcefully cleaning off the majority of the mess covering it.

“Blanket,” He ordered.

I grabbed the last clean blanket, the best one, that had been kept aside specifically for the baby. Jamison wrapped the child in the yellow blanket and then passed it to me. It was so little, nearly half the size my little sister had been when she had been born. It seemed too fragile, I didn’t want the responsibility of holding it. I didn’t want to break it.

“Keep her warm.”

Those were the only instructions he gave me. He turned around and went back to caring for Penny with Lizzy’s help. I looked down at the little alien in my arms. The crying had subsided into hiccups and she was staring up at me with wide Green eyes. Looking as lost as I felt. I glanced back up at Jamison wanting to ask for some kind of manual for this thing, but he was too busy with Penny. Warmth, that’s what he had asked of me. She was wrapped in a blanket but I wasn’t sure if that was enough.

An idea struck. Carefully I un-zipped the front of my jumper and put her inside. Where she somehow managed to make me maneuver her in a way so she was laying against my chest, her head on my shoulder. She seemed to fit their perfectly so I zipped my jumper back up. Being extremely careful of her soft little head. Carefully I moved across the room and sat down against the wall. Keeping her still and warm inside my jumper.

I don’t know how long I sat there with her. Just watching Jamison and Lizzy work over Penny. Trying their best to care for her. She didn’t look good, even from this distance. Every now and then I glanced down at the baby to make sure she was okay. She was so quiet I was scared something was wrong, but then she’d let out a hiccup or a burp. She seemed comfortable cuddled up against me, in the warmth and darkness of my jumper. Until the sound of the door screeching open scared her. Instinctively I rocked her gently until she calmed. By then my father was in the room, scanning over the situation.

“What’s going on?” He asked walking over to me but speaking to Jamison.

Before Jamison could reply dad lipped his finger around the brim of my jumper and pulled it open slightly to peak at what I had bundled inside. His eyes widened at the sight of the small baby. He moved across the room quickly to Penny’s side. He kneeled down beside her and gently started talking, to her or Jamison I wasn’t sure.

I had to give him some credit, no matter what he always cared for his family first. We had always been my father’s top priority for as long as I could remember. And this baby would be no exception, no matter the situation. It wasn’t until that moment that it dawned on me what this new baby was to me. She was my little sister, so to speak. We shared a father. I glanced down at her again. It was hard to tell this early on who she looked like, but she had my father’s eyes.

“Grace,” Jamison called gently.

I glanced up careful not to move any other part of my body in anyway. I didn’t want to disturb her but Jamison motioned me over, so I had no choice. Slowly I got to my feet. Keeping my hands firmly against the little baby. Who gurgled and grumbled at the interruption of her dreams.

Penny seemed to be in better shape when I kneeled down beside them. She looked exhausted and hurt, but she was sitting up against the wall. Watching the lump in my jumper. With Jamison’s help we extracted the baby from my jumper, keeping her wrapped in her blanket, and gently handed her over to her mother. Penny rocked her confidently, smiling all the while. My father had that wide-eyed look of amazement my mother used to tell me about.

“Rosemarie,” She whispered.

“Pretty,” I commented just as quietly and Penny smiled at me.

Penny held Rose while Jamison looked her over with the utmost precision. I knew we were fighting an uphill battle here. Premature babies needed a lot of care. I learnt that from my own little sister. And here, we had nothing but Jamison expertise and what supplies we could wrangle. Somewhere deep down, we all knew it wouldn’t be enough. But still we hoped and prayed for her.

“She’s surprisingly healthy considering,” Jamison commented quietly. It seemed no one wanted to speak very loudly around the newborn. He watched her sadly. “Maybe…if we keep a very close eye on her and do whatever’s possible, she might make it. But I can’t be sure.”

Penny glanced down sadly at her new little child. The fourth one she’d given birth to, and possibly the fourth one she’d lose in such a small time span. My father’s reached for her hand gently. Ready to comfort. I’d almost forgotten this was his child to.

“Feed her for now,” Jamison advised. “And keep her warm. I’ll come in and check on her soon.”

With that, we all cleared the room to give the new mother and baby some privacy to feed. We were relying on Penny herself for the babies milk. Formula was not an easy thing to come by these days. My father stayed behind with her. I had expected no less from him. He would see this through to the end, no matter the outcome.

“Was it a boy or a girl?” Billy asked quickly as we came back into the main area of the hideout. Where everyone seemed to be waiting on the news.

“Girl,” Jamison replied with a small smile. “Healthy one too.”

“Damn,” Dimitri sighed. “We almost had a football team.”

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Who were you going to play…the Army Rangers?”

Billy smirked. “How cool would that be? We could play for supplies or something.”

Dimitri’s eyes lit up at the thought. I rolled my eyes and tuned out of the conversation. Helping Jamison pack away everything we had used, and throw out anything we could no longer use.

“How long do you think she’ll live?” I asked him quietly.

“I don’t know,” He sighed. “”I hope for a long time but…without the proper care she chances drop. Though, she’s better off that I thought she’d be. From what I can gather, she’s about…three months, Pre-term. Better than I ever expected to be honest but unfortunately she still needs care we can’t provide.”

He packed up the last of the supplies we had left as he spoke and then quickly returned to check on the newborn and mother. I stayed back, giving them some space and attempting to join in on the boy’s conversation. Which from what I could gather, was still centred on playing football against the army. But I couldn’t get into it. Not because of the subject itself, but I just couldn’t be bothered. I was too lost in my own thoughts.

The birth of a baby should have been a happy, exciting event but it felt like anything but. Maybe it was just me but I could see it coming, the pain, the misery. Without the proper care Rosemarie would most likely die within a few days. Jamison seemed hopeful he could do something for her, but I seen the way he looked at her. He doubted his own hands and he was her only chance. I didn’t like her odds and I wasn’t sure if I could handle another loss.

~ ~ ~

It was late and yet no one showed signs of going to bed. Even though the odds were against her, we seemed to be celebrating Rosemarie's birth. My father and Penny were still in the back room with her. Jamison dropping in at regular intervals to check-up on Rose. The rest of us were gathered around the fire with a bag of marshmallows someone had managed to find on their outing today. Her birth had certainly picked up the atmosphere in the hideout. Though we all knew she was fighting a hard battle. We didn’t have much to rejoice anyway, so it seemed fitting to celebrate her arrival into the world.

The conversation had started as such, people talking about their own children and their births. From there it moved on to stories from their own childhoods and lives. Most were upbeat, funny stories. No one wanted to bring down the mood. Some of the best of the night were Jamison’s college stories.

It was hard to imagine Jamison, the smart, careful doctor, pulling such pranks on his teachers. Stuff us younger three never would have thought up on our own, and we were kicking ourselves and plotting some new pranks of our own. It wasn’t until late into the night, when we were all contemplating going to bed, that my father made an appearance. His face was drawn, his eyes dull and tired. We walked sluggishly like he didn’t really want to be on his feet in the first place. Everyone seemed to notice.

“How’s it going dad?” Michael asked with humor, but hesitance lacing his voice.

“Fine,” Dad yawned taking a seat beside Jamison. “Sleeping again.”

“Best thing for her,” Jamison commented. Rubbing the sleep from his own eyes.

“Speaking of,” Dad said hesitantly. We all looked up picking up on the tone of his voice.

“We’ve been talking it over,” He started. “And we think you all have the right to now. But…We want what’s best for Rose and we can’t care for her here. So, tomorrow, Penny wants to take Rose and go to the army base.”

“She’s turning herself in?” Billy asked. The rest of the room had fallen into a stunned silence.

“Not really, no,” Dad replied. “She still has her papers and as far as they’ll be concerned she’s never had anything to do with us. But they’ll be able to care for her and Rose …and maybe Rose will have a higher chance of living past a few days.”

“It’s probably for the best,” Jamison added. “There’s only so much I can do and Penny’s sick herself.”

Dad nodded. “It’s not what any of us wants. She’d rather stay with us but we have to do what’s best for Rose.”

“Will they take her?” Ben asked. I thought it was Ben, I was too busy staring stunned at the floor.

“More than likely,” My father answered. “I’m sorry to ruin the night but we thought you had the right to know before it happened.”

Penny had been here from almost day one. She’d been such a permanent fixture here, in our lives. Seeing her go was going to be hard. Guilt plagued me. I’d been so short with her ever since the whole ordeal with my father had gone down. But that didn’t mean I wanted to lose her too. She’d been the closest thing to a mother figure I’d had in a long time.

Not wanting to hear anymore of this, I got to my feet and left them to talk. No one seemed to notice my disappearance from the circle. They were all too busy talking about what was going to happen, how it was going to happen. I considered going to bed for a moment but upon realizing it would be cold in there alone. I glanced down the hallway, towards where Penny was now resting with her newborn. Sighing, knowing this could be my last chance, I turned towards her room.

She was still sitting up against the wall when I entered. Her eyes were closed so I contemplated leaving again. But at the sound of my footsteps she slowly opened them and smiled at me. Now feeling slightly awkward, I walked over and sat down beside her. My eyes on my new little sister.

“Is she okay?” I asked quietly not wanting to wake her.

“All things considering, she’s seems okay,” Penny smiled. “Did you want to hold her?”

I hesitated. “What if I break her?”

“You won’t break her,” Penny chuckled carefully lifting the small child and passing her over to me.

Carefully I took her back into my arms. She stirred in her sleep, but stayed there contently. Her little fingers grasping at her palm. She was still wrapped in the yellow blanket that now looked a little worse for wear. Inside, it looked like they’d given her a proper bath. Her olive skin was no longer tinged with blood.

“She’s so little,” I commented. I could have sworn my baby sister was never this small.

“They always seem so at first,” Penny yawned, stretching out her arms. “But they grow very quickly. It won’t be too long before she’s walking.”

Though, unfortunately, I knew I wouldn’t be there to see that. This was more than likely the last time I would hold Rosemarie, or even just talk with Penny alone. Another loss, it was hard thing to comprehend so quickly. But I knew I didn’t want to leave her on bad terms. I’d been incredibly short with her in the last few months. Ever since it had come out that my father was also Rose’s father. I was starting to feel a little guilty.

“I’m sorry about…” I started to apologize but she cut me off before I could go any further.

“Stop,” She ordered. I did. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“But….”

“No,” She smiled. “Grace, I know what you want to apologize for but I understand. I really do. To bed totally honest with you, had I been in your situation I would have acted just the same. You had every right to be upset with us.”

I frowned. “I can’t help thinking I over-reacted a little. I know his lonely to.”

Penny smiled and reached out to rub my forearm gently. “Between you and me darl, as long as he has you I think Cameron’s going to be fine.” I shrugged. She went on. “The only reason he does all this is for you. He made it clear to me a long time that had he not found you when he did, he wouldn’t be here today. Cam, reminds me a lot of my dad,” She explained. “He lives for you…and I know he can be a bit over-bearing sometimes, but that’s just because he cares for you.”

“I know,” I sighed. “I can’t help it sometimes though.”

She laughed. “You wouldn’t be a teenage girl if you could. Now tell me about this boy.”

“Riley?” I frowned.

“The one who’s got your father all frustrated and upset.”

“Oh yeah…Riley,” I sighed and she smiled. “I don’t know. His just this boy I met, his really nice, and sweet. But…his a soldier.”

“And that’s your father’s qualm with him?”

“I think so. He seems to think his going to kill me or something,” I sighed.

“You don’t think so?” She asked gently.

I shook my head. “I don’t think he would. He’s not like that his too…sweet.”

She chuckled. Then dropped the big one. “Do you love him?”

Her question caught me off guard. “Wh…I don’t know. How do you tell?”

“I don’t think you can put it into words. It’s something you feel on your own.”

I frowned. I guess I could. I’d never felt this way about a boy before. But then again my experience with boys was limited. Riley was only the third. Or second. I doubted dating a boy for a week in grade school counted.

“I don’t know. I think so.” In my arms the little baby stirred.

“Well, I’ve always believed that if it’s meant to be…it will work out.”

I didn’t like our odds. I sighed and carefully handed Rosemarie back to Penny.

“Don’t give up now,” She smiled. Tucking Rose back in under her arm. “Fate has a funny way of making things work.”

I doubted it. But I thanked her all the same and left her to feed Rosemarie her last meal for the day. Deciding to reside to bed myself. Hopefully the boys had already retreated that far and warmed up our shared mattress.

“You can’t keep her cooped up in here forever Cameron,”

I stopped.

“I don’t know if I want to take any of the kids,” My father argued, almost defensively.
I walked across the small hallway. Their voices were drifting from the room across from Penny’s. the doorway and been covered with a sheet at a lame attempt at privacy but I could clearly make out three bodies on the other side.

“I see where you’re coming from Cameron but we can’t always be leaving them behind and babying them. Whether we like it or not they need to learn how to look after themselves out there. We’re not going to be here to protect them forever.”

“And I’d rather not go throwing them into dangerous situations while we still are here to protect them,” Dad replied. “There only kids for Christ sake.”

“You know as well as I do that doesn’t mean anything anymore Cameron,” Jamison sighed. I could picture him running his hand down his face like he always did.

“Would you rather Grace have no idea how to look after herself,” Michael said. “She’s the one with the most to fear out there, sad fact of the times. She’d be best to know how to handle herself and a gun.”

“Which won’t be a problem while she’s safe here with me,” Dad argued. I had a feeling they were going around in circles.

“This is the point we’re making Cameron,” Michael groaned. “You’re not always going to be there for her. But if she knows how to handle herself, she’ll walk away.”

I heard dad start his retort, but Jamison cut him off. “You’ll lose her either way Cameron. This attitude she’s had, this sulking. These are all tell-tale signs of depression. Get her out of the place for a while. Get her mind of it, there’s nothing I can do for her.”

It was silent for a moment before my father spoke again. “You don’t know her,” He sighed. “She’s just…getting at me because of what happened with that boy.”

“This goes way beyond what happened with that boy,” Jamison replied. “I don’t doubt the thing with the boy played its part. It’s certainly brought it out more but this has been a long time coming; I’ve seen it in her for some time now. You can’t be surprised Cam, look at everything she’ been through and she’s only sixteen. Christ, it’s going to be a natural progression for all of us at some point.”

I stepped back, trying to tune out of their conversation completely. I knew those words shouldn’t have shocked me. I’d been the one feeling it. But having it labeled so easily as depression. It kinda got to me. Was I crazy? I didn’t want to know. Sure I’d felt a little down lately but I wasn’t going to go top myself anytime soon. I’d just been a little tired lately, that was all.

“Alright,” My father conceded. Taking back my attention. “We’ll take the kids with us and try and pick up some more trade supplies while we’re out. When is that trader coming through?”

“Two nights from now,” Michael replied.

“Alright, I want to try and have as much as possible by the time he gets here.”

“Then we best go check out what we already have,” Jamison said.

I heard them getting to their feet as he spoke. Quickly I scurried back to our bedroom so not to be caught eavesdropping on them. My mom had always told me not to eavesdrop on anyone. You might hear something you don’t want to know.