Code of Honor

The next day consisted of sorting everything we had to trade from everything we needed to keep. Jamison was overlooking this situation while my father and Michael and holed themselves up in the back room. Designing and trying to figure out the logistics of making a rain-water catchment. They were hoping the trader would have something to help them out. We had nothing in the way of building tools and Michael was keen to get his hands on some. My father, on the other hand, was still nervous about letting another man into the hideout. Especially an ‘outsider’. Letting someone in who’s safety also depended on our secrecy was still a risk but a low one. This trader would hold no such loyalty, he had more to gain by turning us in and this severely concerned my father. But he trusted Michael and that was the only reason he was going along with this.

Michael and my father had become two peas in a pod, so to speak. They were very alike, they shared the same views and they both seemed be leaders without even trying to. The two of them had started to share the responsibility so the burden didn’t fall completely onto my father’s shoulders. In a way this seemed to please my father, he had a lot less to worry about. But on the other hand I don’t think he liked being second-guessed after all this time. The way they were starting to act around each other was highly amusing to me. They went from best friends to adversaries in a split second. My father wasn’t ready to give up all his control just yet.

It was bluntly obvious when the trader showed up that night. Under the cover of dark fall. Michael ushered him instantly, my father was more hesitant. For a moment I though he wasn’t going to let him in at all. My father had to lecture him first about how dangerous this was for us. The man almost laughed in his face.

“And you think this is not dangerous for me too?” He questioned. “Even if I ever did feel the need to turn you in, they’d kill me to for ever dealing with you. Giving you to them on a platter would not save my life anymore.”

They were getting that desperate to get rid of us no one would ever be allowed to help us without consequence. They were going for the fear tactic. Thankfully for us it wasn’t going to work on everyone. The trader followed Michael and my father into the main area of the hideout where we were all waiting.

His eyes flickered around the room taking everything in, his eyes lingering on me for a few uncomfortable seconds. He was a tall man, but he wasn’t lanky like Riley. He had a big bag strapped to his back and a long jacket framing his body. Both looked to be packed full to the brim. He had the look, I’d give him that. All he needed was a scrappy dog by his side for companionship and he’d be set.

He sat down with my father, Michael and Jamison. While the rest of us sat on the sidelines eagerly. Watching carefully over every transaction they made. All the while figuring out what everything we had was worth compared to what the trader had to give, and he had a lot to give. Everything from food, water and medicine, to tools and every days items we’d come to overlook and consider luxuries. Like a pair of scissors. Lizzy and I shared a small look, haircuts, we were both desperate. She called over to Michael to get them. He looked confused but went along with it anyway. Lizzy and I shared a smile.

It took them a good hour before they finished sorting out everything we had to trade with him. By the end, both sides seemed pleased with their new haul. Finally we all laid back and relaxed, warming out hands by the fire. Michael and my father busied themselves talking to the trader about everything happening in the outside world. He had more information than anyone we’d come across before and thanks to our hospitality in housing him. He was more than willing to share what he knew with us. He also knew how to get us around the army.

“It will take me a few weeks,” he told Michael and my father. I was just listening in like I always was. “But I can have you all made up a set. The forgery is almost perfect but I have to warn you that they have expert people on the lookout for them.”

Dad glanced at Michael. “I’d rather have them and take the chance.”

“I agree,” Michael said. “Think you can get them made up. We’ll have payment when you bring them.”

The man nodded. “I’ll get my man on it as soon as I leave here in the morning. Just give me a list of names and birth-dates. The rest is usually forged.”

Dad nodded as the trader pulled a scrappy notebook from his pocket and a broken pencil. Everything he had seemed to be broken. Starting with Michael and my father he started going around the room gathering all our names and birth dates. He went around the circle until we reached us younger ones. He glanced at me.

“Grace Johnson, 16th of March.”

“Relation?” He asked looking at my father.

“My daughter,” Dad replied.

The trader nodded and scribbled down my details. Saying that, that would be added to the papers to keep us together. Also it would keep me safer. A lone girl could go missing very easily if I had no one else to watch over me. The trader turned his attention to Billy. Billy hesitated.

“Full name?”

The man nodded. I smirked. Finally he was trapped into saying his real name in front of me. He’d been keeping it a secret all this time, mostly to get at me. Billy glanced at me and scowled. Finally he gave in.

“Bilaal Williams.”

I laughed and he almost pushed me off my seat. Dad shook his head at us.

“American born?” The trader asked carefully.

Billy nodded. “Yeah, born here.19th of August.”

“No offense mate, but you got a nickname?” He asked. “Makes no difference to me but some people may give you hell over your name.”

Sadly, just his name would have him pinned as a terrorist. He had told me once, a long time ago that his mother had been Muslim. She left her home country to get away from all the trouble and fighting that had been going on where she lived. She had moved to America and met his father here. He had been raised on an even mix of Islamic and American customs. No one had ever given him trouble until the gulf war first broke out.

“Just change it to Billy,” Billy said.

I think that was why he started calling himself Billy. Billy Williams, how much more American would you get? The man nodded and scribbled it down beside my name. all the while I smiled tauntingly at Billy. Finally his silly game was at an end and I knew his real name.

“Shut up Grace.”

The next week seemed to roll into one long day. Living underground provided safety but at the price of fresh air or windows. I started to lose track of day and night. I think we all did. We were down to one meal a day. Eating when we were hungry, sleeping when we were tired. The days had become meaningless. It didn’t help with the dreadful feeling of the walls closing in around me. I’d never handled small spaces well and this one just seemed to be getting smaller by the day. Pushing closer and closer, squeezing all the air out of the room until I couldn’t bear it anymore. I had to force myself to look at my hands or something else before I fell into a full-fledged panic attack. Jamison, as always, had noticed these fits of panic and was trying to help me. But aside from talking me down before the anxiety peaked, there wasn’t much he could do for me.

My father was still adamant that we stayed inside. The army was out in full force lately making it extremely dangerous for us to even step a foot outside. They seemed to be especially thick in the area around our hideout. Michael and dad were worried that they’d been tipped off to our presence in the area. So, alas, we were no allowed outside just yet. We couldn’t be seen in the area, or at all. We’d be killed on sight. It was easier for him though. He and Michael had been up and down during the week sorting out their water catchment. He’d been outside in the breeze with something to do. Unlike the rest of us whose idle hands were slowly driving us mad.

But all this sensible reasoning did nothing for my anxiety. I still felt like I was suffocating very slowly down here and in comparison, the threat of the army was minimal to me. I’d rather take the chance, if it meant fresh air that had not circulated the room for days already. Jamison was doing his best to keep me occupied and get my mind off everything. He was still teaching me everything he knew, so I could help him and one day help others. Medical knowledge was a rarity these days, having it made you invaluable. Being invaluable, would help me survive.

But even though I tried, I couldn’t concentrate on what he was trying to teach me. I was tired, bored and that in turn made me cranky. I wasn’t in the mood to learn, let alone converse with another person. Jamison must have picked up on this because he let me go easily. I went straight back to sitting in front of the fire, poking at it with a stick. In a destructive manner that boredom brought out in me. I didn’t understand why my father was so against taking me with him. Even if it was just for a patrol. I just wanted to go outside and do something for once. I felt so useless down here. Even if it was safe. No one else seemed to have a problem with this. Or, unlike me, they weren’t up to taking my father on. Not that I’d gotten very far in the first place.

Across the room, Jamison got to his feet with a groan. Dusting off his hands against one another. Without sparing me a glance he disappeared down the hallway. Leaving me alone in the big room. I let out a loud sigh and was surprised when it didn’t echo back at me. Everyone was either asleep, lying down or playing poker with the boys. The hideout itself almost seemed dead to me, quieter than usual. Without warning I was struck with an idea. No one was around, I was by myself for the first time in weeks. No one was around to notice if I snuck out for five minutes.

Sure they’d probably catch me sneaking back in, but it would be worth it. Knowing I had to act quickly I got to my feet and hesitated. It was dangerous out there, I knew that much. I’d have to be able to defend myself if something happened. Not that I planned on going far, but I didn’t want to risk it. Not with the warnings of army presence so close to our home. I skipped across the room and picked up a small handgun. One I’d already used before, and knew how to use. Sliding it into my belt I moved quickly across to the other side of the room. Opening the door slightly, a wide smile coming to my lips when it didn’t creak. Before anyone could catch me I slipped out and closed it behind me.

Suddenly, it felt like a huge weight lifted from my chest and I could breathe again. The air was almost stale out in the little hallway but I couldn’t have been better to me. I skipped up the stairs, a noticeable bounce in my step. I almost tripped up the last three but managed to land on my feet. Knowing it would be safer to stick to the back roads I opted for the back door of the old establishment. A cold breeze instantly swept over my face. Causing chaos in my loose hair. Pushing my fringe behind my ears, I stepped outside. Not able to help the smile that came to my face I took a deep breath of the fresh cold air. It burnt my lungs but I didn’t care.

I wanted to stay out here as long as I possibly could. I glanced around for a hiding spot. There were plenty. The alleyway that ran behind the building, in which was I currently standing, connected the two main roads on either side of the block. With small cut offs acting and back entries to the buildings. Turning to my let I crossed the alley-way to sit on the other side. Amongst a mess of boxes and crates. No one walking either way would see me here, and I would notice them coming a mile away. I was defiantly safe here.

My father had no idea what he was talking about, we could still go outside and be safe. As long as we were careful. I’d put the idea to him tonight, I decided. If it got me more time out in the sun I’d try anything. It had been a long time since I’d just been able to sit in the sunlight, and feel the icy breeze on my face. My skin welcomed the suns light, I’d become so pale during out imprisonment. I could have passed for an albino.

Leaning back, I placed my head carefully against the wall. Closing my eyes as I did so. Just enjoying the sun on my face. I wasn’t sure if it was late in the day, or early in the morning. I could just spot the sun, hanging low in the sky, and the cold breeze that could indicate either morning or night. Either way I didn’t mind. I could have sat here forever.

“Cameron!”

I jumped, startled, and turned my head carefully around the corner. In the mouth of the alley-way I could clearly make out my father, his gun slung over his shoulder and his eyes focused out towards the street. I swallowed. So much for sitting out here forever. It looked like my time in the sun was going to be cut shorter than I imagined. Slowly I crept back behind the wall where he couldn’t see me. I was going to milk this as long as possible. Maybe, if I was lucky he’d walk straight past me and I’d get away with it.

Glancing back in the other direction, I soon realized being caught was the least of my problems. In the opposite end of the alleyway stood another man. Dressed in a thick army uniform and his eyes directionally on my father’s unknowing form on the other side. My chest swelled uncomfortably, I wanted to turn around and scream to my father. Warn him to run, but all that would do was turn the attention to me. The closer target who he hadn’t even noticed yet. His eyes were firmly on my father.

Slowly, careful not to make a noise, he started to pull his gun its holster. My heart almost stopped. It didn’t take much to figure out what was going to happen. My father was a wanted man, he wore the proof on his wrist, and this man had permission to kill him. My father had no idea he was even in danger. He was a sitting target. And here I was, literally in the middle, about to watch my father’s murder. I felt the panic start to rise in my chest, making it feel tighter than it already was. Fear, had me pinned to the wall.

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t scream out for him. Not without attracting the attention to me and getting myself killed. I sat up slowly, wondering if I could knock a crate over. Hopefully it would attract my dad’s attention into the alley and I could stay hidden. But as I made my movement, the soldier aimed his gun down the alley and my hand brushed the cold metal on my hip. I spared a momentary glance at the gun holstered in my belt. Another option floated in the back of my mind. I knew I was running out of time and there was always the chance my father wouldn’t hear the crate falling. Even if he did the man already had him in his scope. If I didn’t act in the next few seconds, my dad would be dead.

The thought of his death and the imminent grief it would bring on, helped me to pull the gun from my belt. It shook violently with my hands, my breathing sounded heavy even to me. All of a sudden the small mass of metal in my hands felt like it weighed a tonne.

I lifted it with both my hands, almost unable to hold it straight. I had never deliberately shot at another human being, but now I was out of options. If I wanted to save my father’s life. I’d have to pull the trigger, and take another life. I was scared, I knew what I had to do put my fingers wouldn’t work. I was running out of valuable time. The man’s fingers twitched on the trigger…and that was all I needed.

I pulled the trigger.