Code of Honor

(WARNING - Content may be disturbing to some)

After the stiff cold handcuffs were attached to my small writs, and tightened almost painfully, they both took one of my arms and dragged me across the floor. I didn’t go quietly, I refused to. I knew there was no way I was going to escape them now. But I was going to make a pain of myself. They didn’t seem to care. I didn’t have any effect on them. They continued to drag me across the floor. I had no idea where they were taking me. That was the most terrifying part. Having no idea what was coming, my imagination was crueler than any captor.

I’d gathered thus far that they weren’t going to kill me straight away but I couldn’t decide if this was a good thing or not. They only wanted a few things out of me, and they options for doing so were limited. I just refused to think about it. I’d heard rumours and stories. A quick death was the best I could hope for at this point. There would be no one to save me this time. By the time my father and everyone else woke up I’d be long gone and they’d have no idea where to find me.

We were met out the front by another group of soldiers. Who all eyed me up and down causing all the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. I didn’t like the way they were looking at me. One of the men who had me started barking out orders while the other dragged me around to the back-end of a Jeep. Parked right before us.

For a moment I thought he was going to put me in the back. Instead I was forced to lie down in the far back. The boot I guess. Where I was promptly blindfolded and the door slammed over me. This was it. My breaths were now numbered. They’d try and get information out of me first. I knew that much. If I didn’t give it, they’d take by force. I didn’t want to tell them anything but torture was something I’d heard about.

Apparently they continued to practice it on those they deemed deserved it. Or those who withheld information. I assumed I fit into both columns. Either way, I’d give them nothing. Or, at least, I’d try to give them nothing. I had no idea what they’d do to me. Or if I could hold under the pressure. I’d never had a high tolerance for pain. I swallowed the hard lump in my throat knowing my future was about to become very painful.

Beneath me, the car rumbled to life. Groaning and spluttering. I had to forcefully hold the tears back. I wouldn’t give them the pleasure. I wouldn’t give them anything. They joked and laughed the whole way back. Like nothing of importance was going on. The only time I heard anything about myself was when someone radioed ahead using the words ‘High-value captive’. Nothing more was said about me, lying in the dark, alone and afraid. It didn’t take long before the car came to a halt.

I had nothing to brace myself with and swiftly hit my head. I held back my cry. The car moved and stopped another three times after that. No one bothered with me until the forth stop. I heard the door open above me but still could not see a thing. That was one of the scariest parts. I had no idea where I was, how many of them were surrounding me. I could feel their threatening presence but I had no idea how many of them there really were.

“Good job boys,” I heard someone exclaim as I was pulled from the car. “I’ll make sure you’re well paid for this one.”

“Thank you sir.”

I was pulled from the car by two sets of hands. They weren’t gentle and seemed to go out of their way to touch certain parts of me I wished they wouldn’t. Still, the blindfold remained on.
“Where’d you find it,” The first voice asked.

“Mall,” Walker replied. “With Rawson.”

The man huffed. “They’re dealing with him at the moment.”

I didn’t like the sounds of that. But didn’t have time to dwell on it. There was a quick change of captors that caught me by surprise. The next set of hands that had me were huge. I didn’t even attempt to struggle away from him. Though I very badly wanted to. The man smelt like he hadn’t showered in days.

“What do I do with it,” I heard him asked from right behind me. His voice sent shivers down my spine.

I felt a hand on my face. I pulled away from it. “Shouldn’t be too hard to break it,” came his reply. “Lock her up, deprivation punishment for a few days. Then we’ll see if she’s willing to cooperate.”

I had no clue was deprivation punishment was but I did not like the sound of it. A thousand options ran through my mind. They seemed to get worse and worse the more I thought about it. Before I had a chance to brace myself. I was pulled in another direction roughly. I almost lost my footing but he didn’t seemed to care. He just tugged on me harder, using only one hand to battle my whole body weight. He used the other hand to pull the blindfold from my eyes.

I didn’t get to see much. We were already inside a cold concrete building. Heading down a dim set of stairs. Even the walls around me looked cold, condensation dripped down most of them. At the bottom of the stairs we were meet with a long dark hallway. Big metal doors placed on either side of it. The place was in total silence. He dragged me towards one of the doors and pulled it open with his free hand. A tiny cell appeared before me, with barely enough room to lie down. He pushed my inside and I felt my anxiety peak.

The hideout had caused me panic, and that was huge compared to this tiny cell. It was about five feet long, and only three across. It was dark, there were no windows or any light to speak off. I was going to die in here. Suddenly I was forced down onto my knees in the middle of the room. I panicked, wondering what he was going to do to me first. His cold hard hands reached down and tightened the cuffs around my wrists. Making sure there was no way I could slip out of them.

Then he took my band, the one they’d also used as my blindfold, and tied it around my neck. he wasn’t gentle either. He pulled the knot tight, so it pressed into my throat. I could still breath, but it was almost like I was choking. I moved my neck trying to loosen the tie. It didn’t help. He watched me with a cold smirk then whispered close to my face.

“See you in three days.”

With that he turned around, left the small cell and slammed the door behind himself. The small room fell into a deep darkness. I could not see a thing. There was no light coming from anywhere. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I could handle the dark. I knew that very soon it would be the least of my problems.

My imagination was starting to get the worst of me again. I had no clue what they had in store for me. A number of things ran through my mind. I’d heard rumours and none of them were nice. Torture, death, rape, the list went on. I suppressed a shudder and tried not to think about. Right now my current trouble was the dark and the uncomfortable bind I was in. I could survive this part.

It didn’t take long for time to lose its grasp. I had no sense of it in the dark. There was no light to tell if the sun was up for down, and no routine I could hear outside the door. I was completely alone in the world. Eventually, I started I feel tired. But I could not sleep. For all I knew they were just outside the door and the fear I felt prevented me from even closing my eyes. I wanted to be ready, physically and mentally, when they arrived. But they never came, and that was just as bad as anything I could imagine.

Just waiting for my death, the pain they would inflict, was agony in itself. I tried to keep myself alert for any noises but I could feel myself slipping as sleep tried to settle in. My eyes were starting to ache, I wanted to close them. Even for just a moment. Carefully, I maneuvered myself across the small dirty cell and into the corner. I let my heavy eyelids close, not intent on sleep, but letting it drift in anyway.

It didn’t take me long to figure out what the man who had brought me in here and meant by ‘see you in three days’. It wasn’t hard when I finally gave it the brainpower. But with no grasp of time I had no way to tell how long I’d been here already, or how much longer I had to go. My stomach was rumbling with hunger, my throat was dry and begging for water. None of which I was provided with. This didn’t surprise me. And occasionally I awoke, startled, to screaming. Horrific screaming.

For a brief moment I would forgot where I was and why. But the dark and the pain in my wrists quickly brought it all back to me. It was a man most of the time, and he was in pain that much I could tell. A lot of pain. Then just as quickly as it started the screaming would stop and the world would become eerily silent again. I was left to wonder how long it would take before that was me screaming, and begging. The thought made me sick to stomach. But not as badly as when I thought about my father.

He’d know I was gone. He would have scoured the city top to bottom by now. Leaving the only options he had left, me being dead or captured and we both knew death was the better option. I wanted to cry every time I thought about him. He’d done so much to protect me and I’d thrown it back in his face like the child I was. And now, I was sitting in a cell waiting to die. I couldn’t bear to think of his grief or what he would do without me. It had been made clear to me by a few people close to us that the only reason my father ever went on was because of me. Which in turn made me worry about him and he would do following my death. I only hoped Jamison and everyone else provided him with enough will to live.

By the time someone came back for me three days later, I was already mentally exhausted. I’d run myself into the ground with what if and why questions. Not only that, but the physical effects of dehydration kicked in with full force. But I was hungry anymore, which surprised me even at this point. My hunger had peaked and I no longer felt it. I was thankful for that small blessing.

The door was forced open, loudly. I jumped pushing myself further into the corner as light penetrated the room. It reached my eyes and was almost agonizing. My first instinct was to cover my eyes but I had lost the use of my hands. So I ducked my head down into my knees and squeezed my eyes shut while they tried to adjust to the sudden light. I was taken by a set of hands on either side of me. they linked in under my arms and pulled me to my feet. Holding the majority of my weight.

They dragged me back to the center of the tiny cell which barely fit the three of us. When I could finally open my eyes again, which was still painful, I seen two men standing before me. One was a soldier hovering in the background, the one in front of me looked like a soldier but he stood out from the others. He was important here. He was staring down at me with dark, cold un-feeling eyes. His blonde hair was cut to a close buzz and his face was squared. He had an aura of fear and pain around him but I continued to stare him in the eyes. I wasn’t going to let him break me like they’d sworn to do.

He nodded his head towards one of the men holding me. For a moment I panicked wondering what I was in for. Instead a plastic water bottle was held up to my lips. I took it eagerly momentarily forgetting I was with enemies here. The temptation of water was too desirable. I took as much as they were willing to offer, drinking so hard and fast I almost choked on it and let it slip down my front. Without warning he pulled it away from me the important man finally spoke.

“Are you willing to co-operate?”

I frowned at him. No sure exactly what they wanted out of me. When I didn’t answer he went on.

“The terms are simple. You’re a known member of a treasonous group,” He told me. “I have your death warrant pending. Either way you’re going to die. But I can make it quick and painless, or I can make it prolonged and hurt. All you have to do is tell me what I want to know.”

His talk of a painful death did scare me. I didn’t want to die, nor did I want to die in agony. But I didn’t let on to it. I was giving him nothing. Hunger and dehydration had not weakened me to the point where I would give into him. Not yet. I shook my head. Refusing to speak in an act of defiance.

“You’re not going to talk?” He asked, a cruel smirk coming to his lips. “Are you sure?”

I scowled at him and refused to speak a single word. He could anything he wanted to me. I would protect my father like he had tried to protect me. With his life.

“Fine,” He sighed. “I like a good fight.”

Then he flicked his hand in an uncaring gesture and the two men beside me let go of my arms. I fell to my knees unable to hold my own weight. Nor did I have a chance to even try. The second I hit the ground their fists, their steel-toed boots started pounding into me. I couldn’t help but cry out this time, tears springing to my eyes. I had never been hit in my life. Not until this day. And the beating just went on and on. There was no end to it. Half the time I didn’t even see the fists flying at me, I just felt them.

But then one started kicking me, in the neck and in the head. I saw those ones coming. Every single flash of his foot imprinted into my mind, and into my skin. Leaving behind scars and bruises I would carry for a long time. Eventually on a silent signal from their boss, the beating stopped and I was left bleeding, crying and bruised from head to toe. My chest was so tight I was finding it hard to breathe. The important man kneeled down, still looking down on me.

“This is just the beginning,” He informed me. “Tell me what I want to know. Where are they hiding?”

I wasn’t sure if I could speak, even if I wanted to tell him. my chest was hurting so badly, my throat was tight. I could feel blood pouring down the lower half of my face from what I assumed was my nose. I could taste the copper on my tongue. When I didn’t reply, he took my by a handful of hair and forced me to look at him.

“Where are they hiding, How many of you are there?”

I closed my eyes and thought of my dad. I had to endure this for him. For all those people who had become my family. Without warning I was forced onto my back. My hands and arms crushed beneath me. The two lackeys moved to hold me down forcefully. I struggled but it was useless. I couldn’t fight them. The important man stared me down for a moment, before nodding at his lackeys.

I felt one hand leave me, but still could not find a way to escape them. It moved up to my face and even though I tried to turn away he caught me. Using his large hand not to expertly cover not only my mouth, but close off my nostrils. Leaving me with no way of receiving oxygen. The effect hit me straight away and I did the stupidest thing I could do. I panicked. I tried to fight him, I tried to free my hands to pry him away. But there was nothing I could do. I fought even harder to try and breathe through his hold but nothing came to me. My chest started to hurt even more.

Then they let up on their grasp slightly, enough so I could trash and fight beneath them. Although I still could not manage to get away from them. They just wanted to watch me fight them. I was losing my fight with every passing second, I could feel the lack start to get to me. My eyes wanted to shut, my brain wanted to shut down. Finally they let go. I heaved for air. Stopping my struggles so I could focus on breathing.

“Where are they hiding?” He questioned again. A hard amused look in his eyes. If I could have spat on him I would have. But alas, my mother had raised me with better manners.
“Last chance, Where are they hiding?”

Still I refused to speak, I refused to give him any sign they were close to my breaking point. I could endure this, I kept chanting those words to myself, I could endure this. Physical pain was easy. I just had to live with it for a short moment. Then it would be over and my family would remain safe.

When he recognized, once again, I was not going to speak they returned to their suffocation torture. Holding my nose and mouth so that I could not breathe. But still I held strong. I’d come to assume they wouldn’t kill me this way, not now at least. I had too much information and that was my saving grace. I could endure it slightly better knowing they weren’t out to kill me just yet. When the important man realized I was not going to give in to suffocation, they turned back to beating me while I was bound, helpless on the floor.

The whole time he watched with a smug smirk. Asking his questions which I still refused to answer. By the time they were done, I was barely holding onto my last strands of consciousness. He noticed this. I felt his presence before I seen him. He lent over me so to speak directly at me.

“This is not the end of this,” He informed me coldly. “We will be back and it will get worse. I promise you that. Unless you start answering my questions you will hurt and you will starve.”

*
The routine followed on. I had no idea for how long. Time lost track. Long stretches with no food, no water and my hands always tied. Always in positions that caused stress on my joints and muscles. On top of that, I was deprived of sleep until I thought the exhaustion would kill me. But this was exactly what they wanted and the more I refused to talk, the torture rose to match. But I held strong, no matter how badly it hurt. No matter what they took from me, I continued to hold strong. For my dad’s sake, for everyone.

I guess I was lucky that by the time the beatings, the rape, the deprivation got to the point where I might have considering talking to stop it, I was beyond words. I found if I held out long enough, my body seemed to shut down to protect itself and my mind would withdraw back into a dark corner of my mind. There, I knew what was happening to me. I could see them moving over me, hitting me but I couldn’t feel it. I made it easier to keep myself from talking.

I just kept thinking of my family, dead and alive. It helped me to survive the brutal attacks I was subjected to. I thought about being reunited with my father when this was all over. Though I had no idea how I was ever going to find a way back to him. I think I knew somewhere deep down I was going to die here and even that brought me some peace. This pain was only going to last so long before they realized they weren’t going to be able to break me so easily.

Then they’d just kill me and leave me in a ditch. I tried not to think about the details. Just the eternal and painless peace it would bring me in the end. Then one day during a severe beating performed by two large men that I had my first taste of what was to come. The important man, who had been here for every torture session I had been subjected to, stepped forward and asked me one more time.

“Are you going to talk?”

I turned my head away from him. My cheek coming into contact with my own blood, smeared across the floor. They never cleaned the cell up after these sessions. I lived in a puddle of my own blood.

“Last chance, talk or you die.”

I could hear him but his words failed to make any connection to me. My mind and withdrawn a long time ago. When the beating had first started. I was getting good and hiding within myself. I had barely felt them kicking me, but I knew I’d feel it later. When they’d left and my mind came back to me.

“Fine,” He snapped getting to his feet. “We’re done here, grab her.”

With that order, they hauled me to my feet. I slumped against them, unable to hold myself up. They literally had to drag me. I opened my swollen eyes as they left the cell. Wondering what was going on. I watched the cold concrete walls of the prison pass by me slowly, then the steps, then blinding sunlight. It had to be the middle of the day, the sun was agony to my eyes. I’d spent so long in the dark my eyes had adjusted to it.

They had used this against me at some point, flashing torches in my eyes for long periods of time. This felt way worse. I closed my eyes and kept keep squeezed shut. trying to block any and all of the light I could.
They continued to drag me across the ground. I could feel the dirt scraping against my bare feet. I felt like they had taken my miles away from my cell, but in reality was only 300 feet. There the men on either side of me let go of my arms. I fell to the ground to weak to hold myself up. A mixture of starvation and pain the cause.

I felt someone come up behind me again and didn’t even attempt to fight them. They grabbed me, and forced me up onto my knees. Into a kneeling position. I opened my eyes slowly. The sun burnt them but I could see through the blur. The first thing I saw was a ditch, right before me. I was kneeled in front of it. Around me soldiers stood, smiling, smoking, laughing. This was nothing to them. I glanced back down into the ditch. I knew what was happening here but I wasn’t scared. Not anymore. I welcomed death.

“Last chance,” Important man said coming to kneel beside me. A hand gun in his hand. “Are you going to talk?” I didn’t answer him. I only watched him load the chamber with three bullets. “Incase I miss,” He informed me with a cold smirk. I wondered if he’d miss on purpose.

He stood up slowly. “Anyone want the honor?” he asked. “No? Fine I’ll do it.”

I felt the barrel of the gun press against the back of my head and closed my eyes. No more pain, I told myself, no more hunger. I’d just go home, to my mother. I knew she’d be waited for me on the other side.

“Three seconds,” He told me. “Two, are we going to talk?” He waited for me to react. But I refused to let myself to. Putting my father to the forefront of my mind, I ignored him

“One.”

He pulled the trigger.

I heard the gun click and flinched, waiting for the pain but there was none. Maybe it had been instant; maybe there had been no pain to feel. A quick painless death, that was what I had wanted. But my thoughts seemed too coherent for me to be dead.

I was confused for a slight moment before I heard their laughter around me. I wasn’t dead, it was a joke. The chamber had not been loaded. I opened my eyes to glance around. They were all laughing at me. At my fear, at my tears. This was nothing but a sick joke to them.

“Sure you don’t want to talk before I try the next one,” I was asked.

It’s amazing the strength you can find in yourself when you think everything is over. Minutes ago I had just felt like rolling over and dying. But watching them laugh and treat this as a game, gave me one more ounce of strength to fight back.

“Fuck…you.”

I wondered if those would be my last words. They call cooed and laughed harder. Important man kneeled beside me again, playing with the chambers on the gun absentmindedly. He smirked at me.

“I always like a good fight,” He said. “I underestimated you.”

I scowled at him, he only grinned harder.

“How about this,” He said, pocketing the gun. “I’ll let you live. A decent life too, not locked away in prison. Just tell me where the rest are hiding so I can put an end to this. Your life for theirs. Not a hard choice to make.”

At that point. I threw all my mother’s moral teachings and manners out the window. He deserved nothing more. I spat on him. There was no way I would give up thirteen lives for my own. I was offended that he thought it would be an easy choice to make. Those people had done nothing wrong by anybody. I would not send them to the slaughter to spare a single life. Even if it was my own. I was going to be brave, for the first time in my life. I would take his gun.

The smirk disappeared from his face, slowly a cold scowl took over. I stared him down with everything I had left to give. I could already feel myself teetering again. Oblivion was so very close I could almost reach out and take it. He got to his feet in a swift movement and I turned to look ahead into the ditch that would more than likely be my last resting place. I heard him take the gun from its holster again and waited for him to cock and shoot it.

Instead he moved forward and hit me over the back of the head with it, hard. My head swum and my eyes started to blur. He came back again and again, hitting me until I was withering in the dirt. Trying to escape him but it was impossible. He was going to beat me to death while I remained defenseless in the dirt. It didn’t take long for the void to start settling in. I welcomed it, falling into the depths of the darkness it brought.

Unfortunately, I woke up.

Face down, in a puddle of my own blood, again. I was back in the darkness of the cell. I exhaled and it hurt. That wasn’t new. Breathing had been hurting for days. In my more lucid moments I considered broken ribs. My arms had been tightly bound behind my back again. So tight they were almost being ripped from their sockets. Which didn’t help the pain in my chest at all. But that wasn’t the worst of it.

My leg was in agony. I wanted to move myself, get my face off the cold concrete but my leg refused to work and every time I tried to force it to work it was anguish. I could only lay there wishing they had killed me. I had no idea what they had done to me, but it hurt all over. Tears started to roll down my cheeks. The pain was a part of it but mostly, I was disappointed. They had been offering a way out of it and they had not relieved me. Instead they had left me to suffer all over again. He had been right, soon he was going to have me begging for death. Just for the painlessness it would bring on.

I didn’t know how much longer I could fight it off either. I was continually drifting in and out of oblivion and sometimes I wasn’t sure if I’d wake up again. But somehow I always found my way back into the dark cell. Alone and slowly dying. I’d already accepted I was going to die in here. I wasn’t afraid of death like I used to be. Riley was right, once you became acquainted with it, it wasn’t frightening. Right now, It was looking like my one and only savior…until Riley stepped in.

The cell door opened and I cringed, closing my eyes expected another beating. Instead the hands that touched me were soft, gentle and cutting the ropes from my wrists. Their arms swooped in underneath me and tried to haul me to my feet. But I couldn’t stand. My left leg refused to work, the rest of me was just weak. I couldn’t even open my eyes to see who had me. Maybe I was headed for another execution. A real one this time.

“Grace?”

It was his voice. His angelic voice. Maybe I had already died. I had to be dreaming this, his arms felt way to strong and real around me.

“Grace,” He hissed again. His cold hand tapped my cheek. “Wake up, please Grace.”

I tried to open my eyes for him. I wanted to see him, maybe I had gone to heaven. That seemed a viable explanation for all of this. Where else would I’d be hearing Riley’s voice. I squeezed my hands around his shirt, clinging to him. I wasn’t going to let him go.

“It’s okay,” He whispered. “I’m getting you out of here.”