Beautiful Victory

The wind was forceful as it blew across my face, whipping my hair infront of my eyes. The coldness was nipping at the exposed skin of my face. I brought my cigarette up to my lips, taking a long drag. Tears trailed down my thin cheeks from my ice blue eyes as I exhaled, creating a translucent cloud around me. Thinking about the events that unfolded earlier today brought more tears to my eyes. My life had been slowly deteriorating ever since I was young and had only got worse when my mother left my fater when I was sixteen. She said I was too hard to handle and that I ruined her life. I don't get why she called me Siiri if thats what she thought of me. Siiri means 'Beautiful Victory', obviously I wasn't her beautiful victory. I was the act of horrible defeat in her life as she said I destroyed it. I could live without seeing her ugly face in my life again because I hated her. My father was always the one to defend me when my mother was in a drunken rage but when she left it all changed. He became exactly what she was. An aggressive, abusive drunk. He blamed me for my mother being the way she was, just like she did. And he blamed me for her leaving. I couldn't care less if it was my fault or not.

After living with just my father for two years, I had suffered many beatings both verbal and physical but then I was eighteen and free. There was only one person I could turn to in my times of need and that was my best friend, Ville. We met when we were just seven years old and have been best friends since the very day we met. He has always been there for me and I like to think I have always been there for him. His arms have been my safe haven. But this time it was different. I couldn't turn to him now.

Today I found out that my boyfriend of three years had been cheating on me for almost the whole time we had been together. Also, Ville, my best friend and also the man I really loved got engaged. I knew he didn't love me back but it still hurt. But that's not the main reason why I couldn't turn to him. It was because Eemeli, my boyfriend was cheating on me with Ville's new fiance, Koraliina. I had told Ville what was happening between the two but he refused to believe me. He said I was making it up because I was jealous of what he had with Koraliina. That made me furious. He knew I never lied, especially not to him. So, I stormed out in a furious rage and headed to my secret lake. It was mine because I don't think anybody knew it was there besides me . . . and Ville.

It was surrounded by trees. The forest that surrounded it was amongst the biggest in the whole of Finland and it took about four hours on foot to get there, that's probably why nobody was ever there. The moon glowed brightly in the clear sky with the relection glancing back at itself from the calm water of the lake. It was beautiful. I watched the scenery perched on a tree that had fallen down a few feet away from the waters edge.

Litting up another cigarette, I realised I wasn't hurt at all by the fact that my boyfriend had been cheating on me but I was torn apart inside because Ville believed a whore over his best friend and he wasn't here to comfort me. All I wanted was his warm, safe arms around me, holding me and letting all my emotions go. But I couldn't have that. I wasn't ment to be happy. I was ment to endure life being completely miserable. That's the way it has always been. I took out my pocket knife and examined it with mixed feelings, wondering whether to just end it all. Right here, right now.

A rustling sound in the trees behind me broke into the silence that once surrounded me and it also broke into my thoughts. Whipping my head around to see who or what was there, I saw a shadow cast long infront of a tall dark figure that was advancing on me.

I didn't want to find out who it was, so I quickly pulled the sleeve of my coat back revealing my heavily tattooed forearm. Sticking the knife deep into my wrist, a scream broke into the nights silence. I didn't get to slit my wrist because the knife was torn out of my hand leaving my wrist with a cut not a slice. I don't think it reached the vein.

"What the fuck are you doing Siiri!?" Ville screamed, kneeling down infront of me and taking hold of my arm. He slid his scarf off from around his neck and wrapped in around my wrist several times to make it thick enough to soak up the blood and stop it bleeding. I just shook my head and I didn't try to stop him.

"Why did you do this to youself?" He asked much softer this time.

"'Cause life isn't worth living." I mumbled.

"Don't you dare say that Siiri. You have everything to live for. You can get anywhere you want to in this world." He told me sternly.

"Why? Why Ville?" I asked as the tears escaped my eyes again. I closed my eyes slowly as the glistening tears rolled down my cheeks. I dropped my head to look at the ground between our feet.

His soft, gentle fingers caressed the side of my face. Trailing his fingertips over my cheeks to wipe away the tears, he murmured, "Why what sweetheart?"

"Why is my life so shit? Why does everything bad happen to me? Why did you believe her over me?" I hissed, my head snapping up to look him dead in the eye. In his eyes there was guilt and saddness.

"I don't know why I did that to you. I didn't believe her, I just didn't want it to seem real. I have spent many years of my life with her and it's safe with her, I didn't want to realise that she doesn't love me and that she was cheating on me the whole time we were together as my safe little bubble would have burst exposing me to the real, nasty world." He explained, the whole time his gaze never leaving mine. I knew what he was saying was all true. "I'm sorry Siiri. Will you forgive me?"

I nodded. "That's the way I felt about everything and all I wanted was for you to comfort me."

"I know. I'm so sorry." He told me as he enveloped me in a hug. I felt so safe in his arms, like nothing bad would ever happen again.

He pulled back and looked me in the eye again. "There's something I need to tell you." His handsome, deep voice seemed nervous. He looked to the ground and took in a quick rugged breathe.

I placed my hand on his cheek, "You can tell me anything." I said softly with a gentle smile. His eyes snapped up to meet my mine. The moon light glowing over his beautiful face causing the left side of his face to be cast in a shadow and the right side glowed. His mesmerizing green eyes bore into mine. All traces of nervousness gone and replaced with determination.

"I love you." His deep voice said softly and firmly. "I have loved you since we first met. You're the one that has allowed me to live, seeing you're beautiful face everyday makes me feel like there is nothing evil in this world and that there is nothing that will be able to take me down but you. I understand if you don't feel the same way about me. But I am absolutely, madly in love with you, always have been, always will be."

I smiled widley at Ville after his confession. A smile slowly formed on his face as well as he took in my smile.

"Oh Ville. I love you too. Ever since the day we met." I flung my arms around his neck and pulled him into a bone crushing hug.

Ville pulled back and look longingly into my eyes. He leaned towards me and I leaned towards him. His soft, warm lips touched mine with the lightest of pressures. I leaned into him more as he made the kiss more passionate. His warm tongue traced my lips asking for entrance, I slowly parted my lips and allowed his tongue to explore my mouth. He held me tight against his chest as all the emotion we were feeling spilled out. The kiss was the most passionate kiss I had experienced in my whole life.

"I love you." I told him, breatheless, as we pulled apart.

"I love you my Beautiful Victory."