Trust Me, I'm Lying

Waking up with Megan in my arms was an experience in itself. I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d felt so happy to wake up. It was like someone had put life into me again. She rolled over and snuggled closer to me. I moved a stray strand of hair out of her face and, as creepy as it sounds, watched her sleep for a little bit. When she finally started opening her eyes I watched a smile grow across her face as she saw me.

“Morning,” I said softly.

“Morning,” she responded. Her voice was barely there from just waking up. “What time is it?”

“I have no fucking clue, does it matter?”

She shook her head, “no, not really. How does John feel this morning?”

“John feels like he just wants to stay here forever,” I said. “Do you have any plans today?”

“I was going to see if you wanted to come to breakfast with Garrett and Grace and I, but considering I don’t want to get up and I don’t even know if we’re still doing that,” she said with a shrug. “It’s sort of up to you anyways. If you don’t feel like it I can make you something here,” she said.

“We should go, I want to meet this Grace girl that Garrett keeps talking about,” I said. “When are we meeting them?”

“Garrett talks about Grace? That is so cute! They are going to be such an adorable couple. I don’t remember, we were talking about it, and then… well then you got hit by a car and we didn’t really get to talk again,” she explained.

“Well,” I said turning so I could look at her directly instead of out of the corner of my eyes, “text her and see if they’ve gone yet,” I suggested. She giggled but pulled her phone out and started typing away. “You know, you’ve had that phone since before we started dating right? The first time, I mean.” I pointed out.

“Yes, and if you’ll remember, I got it signed by my favorite band before they were famous. As such, I keep it around so I feel special when people ask me about it,” she stated. Thinking about it I should’ve known the entire time why she kept that phone. She’d made us all sign it the day we were signed to the record label. She wanted to have our first officially signed autographs. And, as she kept saying that entire day, she stole our autograph virginity, which was legitimately strange to hear towards her brother. “Let’s see,” she said checking the time. “Well, it’s nine right now, she wants to know if we can meet them at ten,” she asked.

“I can be ready by then,” I agreed. She texted them back as I started getting out of bed. I was stiff and sore. By the worried look in her eyes she’d noticed me wince as I stood up. “Don’t worry, I’m just sore, it’ll get better, I promise.”

“You also promised you’d drive safe,” she pointed out.

“I wasn’t the one that caused the accident. Are you going to keep bringing it up?” I asked her as she started moving around to get out of bed. She walked around the bed and stepped up close to me. “Meg?”

“I’ll think about it,” she said with a smirk as she hugged my waist. It was still shocking to see how short she was compared to me. She was already short compared to Pat and Garrett. We always used to make fun of her and call her short stack when we were younger. It was always us playfully joking and she usually got us back with a much better prank. No one messed with Megan, prank wise. “I have nothing to wear and I’m so not wearing the same thing from last night,” she said groaning softly.

“I think,” I said moving towards a drawer that she’d basically taken over at the beginning of her pregnancy, “I still have some jeans from before you were pregnant,” I said opening it. “Yea,” I said grabbing a pair and tossing them towards her.

“So this is where I left my favorite pair of jeans. The world makes sense now,” she said chuckling as she walked towards the drawer and grabbed a shirt to go with it. “Now, if they still fit the world will be right and just,” she said. I watched her walk towards the bathroom and heard the faint sound of the shower running. I would’ve joined her if I wanted my mom to castrate me, but instead I just decided to throw a shirt on and pull on a pair of jeans instead of the shorts I was wearing.

After I was dressed I headed downstairs to find my mom sitting in the kitchen tapping her fingers against the grain of the counter as Shane ate his breakfast. She didn’t look happy and I knew I was in for a lecture. I regretted not waiting for Meg. She looked up and her eyes were super red and she looked like she’d just stopped crying.

“What’s wrong?”

“Ross is undergoing surgery,” she said her voice wavering softly.

“Why?”

“He started having seizures last night, some stupid head injury, and he fell and somehow ended up splitting his side open. They gave him an x-ray and a cat scan. He has a few broken ribs that they need to set.”

“Is he…he’ll be alright won’t he?”

“God you better hope so, John,” she said her words laced with poison like she wanted me to know I’d done this to my brother. I wondered why no one could let me forget that it was my fault he got wasted it was my fault he was in the car accident. Really, if it wasn’t written on the walls of my skull it was written on the fact that my younger brother was undergoing major surgery because of me. “How could you have been so irresponsible John? It’s like you lost your common sense or something. Did losing Leigha not show you how precious life is?” she asked. That one hurt. How could she even imagine comparing Leigha to Ross right now? It was as if she wanted me to be in pain. I could feel myself getting more angry as a burning pain I hadn’t felt since losing Megan and Leigha started filling me up.

“Yea mom, losing my daughter showed me that! God!” I said slamming my hands against the counter. I didn’t need her reminding me that I’d lost my girl and that because I’d been in the wrong place and the wrong time I might lose my brother. I didn’t see why she would try to make me feel like such a punk about everything. I hated this.

“Shane, go clean up, we’re going to see your brother,” she said. Her tone was acerbic and she shot daggers through her eyes towards me. “Get out of my sight,” she said towards me. I watched her leave the kitchen.

I really wished I’d had Megan with me when that happened. Even after she’d left my mom had always liked Megan. When she first left, mom would always make little remarks ‘I wish Megan was here’ or ‘I could use some help with this accounting from Megan, too bad you don’t know where she is.’ After a while she stopped when Ross told her it was getting on his nerves seeing how upset I was but it never went away that she always felt the best part of my life was anything to do with her. I knew she still loved me. She just loved me more when I was keeping my life in order with Megan. I can remember the day she found out about Megan’s ex and how I’d been there to “save her.” She’d called me a hero for days afterwards. My mom always had wanted what was best for me. I always wondered if she knew her constant degrading of me made me feel like shit in her eyes.

“Hey,” Megan said when she finally came downstairs. I sight feeling her wrap her arms around my waist.

“Hi,” I said listlessly.

“What’s wrong?” she asked coming around to look me in the eyes. “John, what’s wrong?”

“Ross is in surgery and my mom is blaming me for everything. Listen, you go to breakfast, I won’t be any fun anyways,” I said shrugging slowly.

“Where are you going?”

“I don’t know. I might go visit Leigha, I might go see my brother. You know, if my mom hasn’t put me on the ‘don’t let in ‘ list or something,” I said with slight sarcasm. “I just want to be alone Megan,” I said softly.

“John, none of this was your fault. You said it yourself. You didn’t cause the accident. It was just bad timing,” she said.

“I know,” I said nodding my head even if I didn’t fully believe those words right now. “I just…I want to be alone,” I repeated.

“Let me be alone with you,” she pushed.

“No, you’re not going to want to see me today. I’m not going to want to see me today,” I added.

“I don’t care John. You don’t need to be alone today, not in that state of mind,” she crossed her arms as she made her statement. “Don’t push people away John, trust me, it’s not a good idea,” she added softly.

“It’s a good idea. Megan, go have breakfast, I’ll see you later,” I told her as I grabbed my dad’s keys and started towards the door.

“John, don’t do this,” she said following me her fingers looped through her keys as she walked. “Don’t shut the world out John. This wasn’t your fault, please just talk to me,” she begged.

I shook my head and turned to face her. She stopped short and in a quick brief movement I pressed my lips to hers and cupped her cheeks in my hands holding her close to me as I felt a few tears fall from her eyes.

“I can’t,” I said barely separating our lips. “I’ll…I’ll see you later. Go to breakfast, please?”

“I can’t,” she said sniffling as she tried to fight the tears. “Don’t do this John, I have a bad feeling and I don’t want to lose you,” she said.

“You won’t, baby I’m not going anywhere dangerous. Don’t worry I’ll be home tonight. I’ll come see you, I promise. I just need to be alone today,” I said hoping that she’d finally get that I wasn’t meaning to push her away, but I just wanted to be alone today. I gave her one last kiss before I continued towards the car. I heard her crying as I got in and I tried not to look over at her as I backed away but it was hard to see her that upset and know that, once again, I was the cause. “Don’t worry, Meg,” I said to myself, “you’ll understand eventually,” I finished. I hoped she’d go to breakfast and have a good time with her friend. I hoped she’d forget about what I’d just done, but I knew she wouldn’t go and there wasn’t a chance she would forget. Sometimes life wasn’t fair when it came to her. She deserved so much better than what I would ever be able to give her. I hated this.