Trust Me, I'm Lying

“I don’t understand you,” she huffed as I finally got settled into my room. “You call me out here because you need me, but you ditch me every other day to be with Johnny poo. I don’t understand this necessity you speak of young lady!” she scolded with a wag of her finger.

“It’s not like I’m ditching you,” I tried to reason, “it’s more like I’m giving you time to hang out with Garrett uninterrupted by John or I,” I pointed out. It was true though. They’d been spending a lot of time together. Albeit was because John and I were, likewise, spending a lot of time together. It was still cute. “I’m sorry, Grace. Would you like to do something tomorrow? I’m free as a little blue bird,” I told her with a smile.

“Well I’m glad you’re free. I happen to have a date with Garrett.” Her face formed a smug little grin.

“No way, spill your flippin’ guts. When did he ask you out? What are you guys doing? What are you going to wear? Holy crap! I haven’t been this excited for you since the he-devil-wannabe-bad-boy was dumped,” I told her with a grin.

“Yea, well…it’s just a simple lunch date. I doubt we’ll do much different from what we’ve been doing while you and John were gallivanting around the state. How did you end up in Jerome? You never told me,” she questioned.

I shrugged, “we just drove with nothing to hold us back. It was great. You know I never thought I would have such a good time doing so much unplanned stuff. But that was the best day I’ve had in a long while. I miss that spontaneity.”

“You were being spontaneous? Have we gone to a different planet? You don’t have a spontaneous bone in your body. Do you realize you planned exactly how many days you were going to stay here willingly before your mom guilted you into staying longer? And, might I add, you also scheduled in an approximate date at which point you’d call me begging me to join you,” she reminded me. She laughed softly and shook her head. “You should do things like that more often. I’ve never seen you this happy.”

“Things are just different with him.”

“Things always are different when you’re with ‘the one’.”

“Yea, sure they are,” I shook it off. I shuddered to think that John and I were soul mates. I loved him and he made me feel like nothing else but I didn’t want to think about marriage or being meant for one another. At least not right now. “Okay, so what are you going to wear tomorrow?”

We spent the rest of the evening obsessing over her outfit which turned out to be simple but cute. She liked that it was comfortable and I said that Garrett would like that he could see a wee bit of cleavage.

“Do you think you’ll transfer back home? I mean you’ll probably want to be closer to John right? I’d transfer if I’d just gotten back with him. Besides, I’m sure your mom would love to have you home more than once every once in a while.”

I shrugged. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. I suppose transferring would be a good idea. It would bring me home, I’d get to see John and hang out with all my old friends. But, at the same time, it took me away from all my New York adventures. It brought me back home where my mom called me to make sure I hadn’t married someone. In New York she didn’t have much choice but to let me live a little more independently.

“Megan, you can’t seriously be thinking of staying in New York! You have so much going for you here! I don’t see how you could stand to leave John, your family and your friends again. If I were you I’d transfer as soon as he kissed me,” she pointed out.

“Well lucky for me you’re not me. I don’t know what I’m going to do, Grace. I could transfer but what happens if we break up? There are so many opportunities in New York for me anyway. The school is great and I already have amazing friends. What if I want to go back for me and not because I’m running away from a problem?”

I watched as she gave me one of her “looks.” She crossed her arms and cocked her head to the side letting her eyes roll as she listened to me ramble. “Yea, you’re going back for you and I’m Queen Elizabeth. Megan, he loves you! And it’s pretty fucking clear that you love him too. I don’t see why you’re so hesitant to get involved with him again. Shit you had a child with him already! All you really need to do is go get married and live together before you’ve done just about everything with him. Face it you’ve found someone that you truly care about and you’re still trying to keep each other distant.”

“I’m not pushing him away! I really just don’t want to get hurt again. Is being cautious such a bad thing?” No one seemed to understand that when John literally left me out to dry I was in a touchy spot. I didn’t sleep well. I couldn’t eat that much. And being around anything that reminded me of him made it worse. It seemed like no matter what I told myself and no matter what John did I just couldn’t get rid of the past.

“When you have an amazing boy like John waiting for you, yes it is! Trust me on this Megan. You don’t want to push him out of your life by keeping yourselves distant. Just transfer here and keep both of you happy.”

I looked at her in disbelief. I was at a loss for words as she explained all of that to me. She shrugged and went back to fiddling with her outfit while I thought about what she’d said. She was right. At least on some level she was. She knew that although she had a point she also had a drawback. If I let John all the way back in and pretended like everything was fine I left myself wide open for heartache. And I didn’t think I’d survive another.

&&

“Have fun, bring her back in one piece Garrett!” I watched them tramp away both smiling like they were the happiest things in the world. I closed the door and retreated to the living room where Pat was curled in the couch watching some movie. “Hey,” I said looking over as I flopped on the other side of the couch.

“Hi.”

“D’you have time for a brother sister talk?”

He looked over, sitting up with interest. “For you, I’ve got all the time in the world.”

“Grace seems to think that I should transfer here next semester. She thinks that it’ll be better for John and I. But I don’t know if I want to do that. I can’t go through another heart break and I’m scared he’ll hurt me again and it’s killing me. But I want to be close to everyone. I miss you and Tim. I miss mom and dad and I miss my friends. I need my big brother.”

He slid over and wrapped his arms around me. “Megan, if you want to come home then do it. You don’t have to be in a relationship with John to go to school here. I want you closer to home anyways. New York is just too far for me. It’s your life. He has no control over what you do.”

“I know,” I said softly. “Don’t tell John about this alright?” He promised with another hug before we started a tug-o-war over the remote ending in us watching The Food Network much to Pat’s dislike. I let Paula Dean drone on about whatever she was cooking while I stewed over what I was going to do.