Our Goodbyes

Ella woke up bright and early and surprisingly, before Sidney. She sat up on the bed and smiled, looking at a peacefully sleeping Sidney Crosby. Ella brushed a piece of hair away from his face and got up. She changed and made her way to the kitchen, looking for something that she could make and was appropriate for a hockey player.

Humming a tune that was stuck in her head, Ella felt a pair of hands slip to her waist and a head resting on her shoulder. "Sidney Patrick Crosby, you'd better get off me and let me make breakfast," she ordered him playfully.

"Ella whatever-your-middle name-is James, I think I'm more comfortable here."

Ella chuckled. "It's Renee," she said, turning around and kissing his cheek.

Sid unwrapped his arms from her waist and moved to her left. "Ella Renee James," he recited with a smile. "I like it. It suits you."

"So, what are we doing today?" Ella asked putting the pancakes on the two plates she had set out earlier. She then handed one to Sid and kept the other one.

Thanking her, Sid began to politely eat his food, though tempted to just shovel all of them into his mouth. "I was thinking that we get some of the furniture that we need and probably a bed for the other room," he said after swallowing his food.

Nodding, Ella and Sid ate their food mostly in silence. Every once in awhile Sid would comment on how good the food was. He was more than happy that she decided to move with him to Pittsburgh. He had been for awhile, thinking about moving out of Mario's home, but didn't want to live alone. Ella was the perfect roommate, and he hoped that this would give him a chance to take things further in their relationship.

Sid grew excited; he really wanted the team to meet Ella and hoped that Ella and the team would get along. He wanted to show off the girl that had his hear. Max didn't get a chance to meet Ella the last time, because she had been working her ass of to at least have money when she moved with him.

*

Walking around Macy's for the last hour, Ella and Sid were able to a dining and breakfast table from their list of things needed to buy. All they need were decorations and another bed for Ella.

Sidney was busy talking to a few fans that had stopped for an autograph and Ella didn't want to distract him, so she wandered around the large store. Passing the bed and bath, Ella stopped at the cribs. A heavy feeling in her chest pressed down, making it hard for her to walk.

She walked closer to the mahogany crib that was laid out for display. Ella let herself imagine what it would be like if she was back in New York in her old apartment and was entering her son's room to see her son in his crib. She picked up the blue bunny that was resting on the crib and looked at it lovingly.

Sidney thanked the fans that asked for autographs and pictures and said his goodbyes to them. He looked around for Ella and spotted her in front of a crib, barely moving. He approached her cautiously and heard her sniffle.

"Ella?" he asked and put a hand on her shoulder. "Are you alright?"

Ella caressed the blue bunny as she thought about her son. "You know, I never got to see him. After I gave birth to him, the nurses took him away and kept him in the nursery," she said sadly.

It had been four days since Ella had given birth. All she knew about her son was that it was a boy and that he was healthy weighing 7lbs. They didn't tell that to her, the nurse told another nurse who was writing down the information.

Ella couldn't really blame anyone but herself. She wanted a closed adoption, the social worker said that she could see her son, but she knew that if she got attached she might not want to give him up.

She had to give him up. Ella didn't want to be selfish. At least if she gave him up for adoption he would have a chance at having a loving family that could provide for him much more that she could ever.

The room was quiet leaving Ella alone with her thoughts. She often wondered how she got to this. Maybe it was the drugs. Maybe it was her inability to properly communicate with her mother. Or maybe it was the influences she surrounded herself with.

Ella heard the door click, turning to her right, she saw the social worker, Anna, enter with a somber smile on her face. She had on a strict black suit that reminded Ella of a funeral.

"Your son's going to be released soon. They said that you had some problems with the birth and wanted to keep you for observation, but your son can leave today," Anna said softly.

Ella looked straight head, not wanting to look at Anna because she knew she was going to cry. The past couple of days, she tried to keep a strong face, she didn't want to cry. She wanted people to think that giving up her son was the easiest thing possible. She just nodded at the social worker.

Anna sighed, knowing that she wasn't going to get a response from Ella anytime soon. It was always like this with most women who were giving up their babies' right after birth. "I'll be leaving now," she informed the young woman and left.

The moment Ella heard the door close, she burst out crying. She shook violently at the thought of never seeing her son again. Getting up, she raced out the door hoping that Anna didn't get far.

She let out a sigh of relief when she saw Anna and another woman beside her. The woman was holding portable bassinet. The front was turned to Ella so she couldn't see her baby, but it gave her a small hope.

"Ms. Vance!" Ella called out making Anna and the woman she was with stop.

Anna turned and saw Ella standing in the middle of the hallway in her hospital gown, bear footed and eyes red. Anna's hear broke for the young woman. Unlike some of the mother's wanting to give up their children, Anna knew that Ella was having a hard time giving up her child. She knew that Ella wanted to desperately keep the baby.

"Wyatt," Ella said simply. "I know that his adoptive parents would change his name, but please, his name is Wyatt. Wyatt Francis," she begged her voice desperate.

Nodding, Anna crouched to the level of the bassinet and took something from the baby boy and then walked over to Ella. "I'll make sure that's what it says on the system," she reassured Ella and handed her something. "I shouldn't give this to you, but I think you should have it."

More tears began to fall because of the woman's kindness. "Thank you!" she said thankfully and examined the blue hospital wristband that said Baby James.

"Are you sure you don't want to meet Wyatt?" Anna asked one more time.

Ella was tempted to say yes, but she knew what she had to do. She shook her head and sighed sadly. "I can't," was all she said.

"Ella," Sidney said sadly and gathered her in his arms. He kissed her forehead when he heard her give a soft sniffle. "It'll be okay."

Ella broke the hug and looked at him sadly. "I-I know I should be happy and grateful for everything, but I feel like something's missing. My heart feels empty," she explained and placed a hand over her heart. "I want to find him. I-I just want to know if everything's okay with him."

Sidney nodded in understanding. He cupped her face and looked deeply into her red and puffy eyes. "I'll always be there for you. If you want to find him, then I'll help you. I just want you to get better."

More tears began to fall from her eyes as she cracked a small smile. "Thank you," she whispered.