Our Goodbyes

As a child, Ella was on of those little girls that were always closed off. She didn't like telling people her feelings nor did she like sharing them. It would take a lot of probing and trust for Ella to really open up to someone.

She didn't like sharing her feelings, mainly because she didn't want people thinking she was weak nor did she want to bother anyone with them. Ella would much rather suffer internally than open up about her feelings to someone.

Sitting beside Sidney, who chatted happily with Mandy, on her right and Taylor on her left, Ella quietly drank her coke. She could feel the smug smiles on some of the guys' faces, while Taylor kept throwing her sympathy looks.

Sid and Ella was supposed to go home and spend a quiet night together, relaxing and watching a movie. She even made dinner for him, like she normally did whenever she was home. That was all ruined when Mandy came into the picture and suggested they all went out for dinner.

Of course Ella couldn't say no. Sid looked so excited and really wanted to go out with the guys and catch up with Mandy. Ella guessed that Sid hoped that during the time Ella hung out with his friends, they would warm up to her.

She tried to put a brave face on to show that Sidney and Mandy's flirting didn't bother her one bit, but it did. Ella didn’t know why, but it made Ella's stomach turn whenever Mandy would laugh at a joke Sid said.

Mandy was a nice girl, Ella didn't have any problems with her. If anything, Ella thought it was her that had a problem. She was so used being the only girl in Sidney's life (aside from his mom and sister of course) and she as so used to having all of his undivided attention, it bothered her that Mandy was taking up all of his attention.

Taylor leaned over to Ella and whispered in her ear. "Sid and Mandy used to date. They broke up last year because she moved to Jersey for school or some shit like that," Taylor explained.

The moment she heard that Sid and Mandy used to date, Ella's stomach dropped. It wasn't something she wanted to hear. There were some things in Sidney's life Ella didn't want to know about, like past girlfriend.

Ella just nodded and continued to sip her coke. She didn't know what else to say, Ella didn't really have any say on who Sidney saw or met with, she wasn't his girlfriend, she was just his friend.

Her phone buzzed, snapping her out of her thoughts. Quickly digging into her bag, she pulled out her cell phone and quickly read the text message. It was from Anna Vance; Ella's heart started to pound.

I'm able to do an interview and consultation with you on Saturday at noon. Are you able to make it then?

Ella's eyes widened. She'd been waiting for Anna's schedule to clear up so that she could be interviewed to see if she's suitable to adopt and be a parent. Anna had been completely busy until January, by then Wyatt could be adopted. The only way Ella's able to get her interview would be when someone cancelled, and luckily someone did.

She showed Taylor the text message. Taylor squealed happily, gaining the attention of everyone on the table. "Sorry, Ella was just showing me something," she apologized and everyone went back to their conversations, including Sid and Mandy. "Are you going to take it?"

"I have to. This might be my only chance."

"Than answer it already!" she urged Ella.

Nodding, Ella quickly replied and not a minute later, her phone buzzed again.

Alright. I'll send you the Form by email right now. Just print it and fill it out.

"I need to go," Ella whispered when she read the new text message. "Need to go and fill it out," she said to Taylor.

Taylor nodded understanding why Ella was in a rush. Ella lived for her son; she loved him more than she loved anything else. She knew that Ella would do anything for him. "Guys, move," she commanded

Ella and Taylor slipped out of their chairs.

Sidney tore himself away from his conversation with Mandy, only to see Ella out of her chair. "Where are you guys going?"

"Uh, I-I have to go, its urgent," Ella stuttered.

"Wait, why? Let me drive you home then," he said getting up.

There was a chorus of groans and a few of the team (Max and Geno) glared at Ella for ruining their night.

"No!"Ella exclaimed. "I can get a cab."

"No, I'm not letting you go home alone."

"She's not," Taylor interjected. "I need to go home anyways. I have morning rehearsal, so I can drive her home," she said.

"Are you sure?" Sidney asked hesitantly. He wanted to stay a little bit longer to catch up with Mandy, but he could tell that something was bothering Ella and wanted to be there with her.

"Yeah, sit, be merry, get drunk," Taylor joked and took Ella by the arm, walking out of the restaurant before anyone else could say anything.

"Thank you for taking me home."

"It's no problem. Besides, sitting with that Dirty Russian any longer, I'm about to shoot a hoe," she teased. "Now let's get you home so you can get your baby."

*

Filling out the last of the forms Anna had sent her, Ella let out a sigh of relief. A part of her was extremely excited at the prospect of getting her son sooner that she imagined. She hoped and prayed that no one would adopt him.

Glancing at the clock it was already 10:45 and Sidney had yet to return. Ella checked her cell phone and she had no missed calls or text messages. It was unlike him to not at least tell her if he was coming home late or not.

She shook her head, Ella was already expecting him to act like a boyfriend and she was acting like a jealous girlfriend. They were just friends, she kept telling herself. Friends and nothing more.

Still, she couldn't help but let her mind wonder at what Sidney could be doing with Mandy, if he was even with Mandy. Of course he was with Mandy. Why wouldn't he? She could see the way he looked at her when they were together. The feelings were still their, no doubt the time a part had done nothing to lessen it.

Ella got up and walked over to the kitchen. Taking the food out of the oven, she sighed and wrapped it saran wrap and shoved it in the refrigerator.

She wouldn't admit it to herself, but she was scared. With the presence of Mandy, she was scared that she'd loose Sidney. Ella needed him; he was her rock and her best friend. He meant a lot to her and she no doubt loved him.

What she couldn't decide was if she loved him as a best friend or more than that. And what Sidney felt about her. There were times where he'd act like he loved her as more than a friend, and times where he'd just be a friend. She wanted him to make the first move.

Walking to the bedroom she and Sidney shared she undressed herself and wore one of Sidney's long t-shirts. Putting the collar of the t-shirt to her nose, she smiled. It smelled like his Old Spice that Ella loved.

To some people it was weird that they were sharing a room and bed, but to them it just seemed natural. There were no sexual intentions or ulterior motives, it was just natural. Plus the apartment only had two bedrooms and Sid suggested that the second room be the nursery for Wyatt when they brought him home.

Instead of making her way to her side of the bed, she crawled over to Sidney's side and rested her head on his pillow. The overwhelming smell of him nearly brought her to tears. She wasn't used to not having him sleeping by her side when it wasn't necessary.

She laughed at herself at how pathetic she had become. How needy she'd become. The old Ella would have laughed and mocked her for it. She'd always vowed that she would never be like those girls that constantly needed their boyfriend. The sad part was that he wasn't even her boyfriend; he was free to do whatever he wanted.