I'm Not Jesus

The Nurse managed to calm her down, and Corey was asked to step away while they explained to her that this Dad wasn’t going to her hurt her, he was going to look after her and love her the way a father was supposed to. When Corey came back into the room Shiloh was cuddling a teddy bear close to her chest. She’d been crying clearly as her cheeks were stained lightly.

“Can I sit here?” Corey asked cautiously, she stared at him with her jade eyes before nodding. He sat down and took our his wallet, deciding maybe a good way to break the ice is to show her some photos. “Do you have any brothers or sisters?” She shook her head and continued to stare at him. “This are my two other children, so you have a brother and a sister,”

“Do I?” She asked, her eyes slightly wider from excitement. He chuckled and nodded, holding a photo for her to see of Griffin. “Is that my brother?”

“Yeah, his name is Griffin. And this is Angelina,” He showed her the photo and was able to see some resemblances between the two girls. They both had the same nose and cheek bones, features they’d both gained from their Father.

“She’s pretty,” Shiloh said, putting her thumb into her mouth.

“So are you,” Corey told her, smiling a little. They started to bond over small things like that, and soon Shiloh was sitting in his lap as he read her a book to get her to sleep. The Doctors were astounded that Shiloh had warmed up to him so quickly, it’d taken days before she’d let any of the male Doctors take her blood pressure without screaming hysterically. She fell asleep with her head on his chest, her injured arm resting in the sling and her good hand resting in his hand gently. The nurses smiled as they walked past at the sight, it was heart warming.

Corey sat there that entire night with his daughter sleeping thinking about everything. It all happened so fast, he wasn’t even sure that this was the decision he wanted, or the decision he felt he had to take. But by the end of the night he knew that he had to take her home to Iowa. There wasn’t any other option, there was no family for her to go to and he refused to put her into the foster care system, not when he had a home, he had a good job and he had the money to support her for her entire life.

By the morning Corey had signed all of the papers to take Shiloh home with him, and he’d met Katherine’s parents. They were an older couple, clearly wouldn’t have been able to care for Shiloh if he didn’t. They thanked Corey for taking Shiloh, and Corey promised to send photographs and regular phone calls updating them on Shiloh. As a result of what Shiloh had been through, she’d require counselling and family therapy. There was a chance she’d be come resentful to all males, especially fathers and authority figures.

Corey got the street address for Shiloh’s home in case there was anything she wanted from there. Getting Shiloh dressed had proven to be a challenge; she didn’t like being helped or even touched by Corey as he assisted her in changing, however having an arm and shoulder she couldn’t move prevented her from dressing herself. Corey smiled as she strapped her shoes on, something she could manage, and then stood up with her arm outstretched for him to hold her hand.

The house that Shiloh had lived in was small and dark. Corey wouldn’t let her look in some rooms for certain things as blood stained the carpet and walls, something that she shouldn’t have to see. She’d been exposed to too much already. She picked up and passed Corey all the things she wanted to take with her, he wasn’t sure she’d need some things like a wooden spoon from the kitchen, but he packed it in the bag anyway. She sat in front of the book case and started to pull out a photo album, Corey assisted in getting it out and sat with her as she turned the pages, pointing out her mother and scribbling over the man who killed her with a crayon she had with her. This went on for nearly half an hour before she passed looked at Corey with tears in her eyes.

“I want Mummy,” She said simply. Corey didn’t know what to say to that, he knew what it was like to not have a parent in your life and want them in your life so much. His father had been absent for so long that he thought he’d never have a father. However Shiloh would never have her mother again. Corey put the album in the bag and picked her up in one arm with the bag slung over his other shoulder.

He kissed the side of her head and said, “How about we go to my house, okay? And we can get you a nice room,” He said, wrinkling his nose as they passed her old room. Dirty diapers were in the corner in a plastic bag, her clothes were dirty and unclean for a child to wear and her bed was old and falling apart. Clearly the life he assumed would be great for her was anything but.

“A new room?” She asked as he got into the taxi with her in the seat beside her. “What colour?”

“Airport,” He said to the driver then turned to Shiloh, “How about pink?” She shook her head, “Purple?” She nodded and smiled. Getting her onto the plane became a challenge; the little girl had never been this close to a plane before let alone gone inside one of them while it flew above the ground. The entire flight Corey had to stay awake and keep her entertained or else he and the other passengers would be the ones to pay the consequences of an upset little girl. With the assistance of Paul meeting him at the airport, Corey was able to get all their things back to his house. Corey placed Shiloh on his bed, tucked her up in blankets before leaving her to sleep while he spoke to Paul.

They sat at the dining table, Paul sipping at his beer while Corey played with the label on his. Paul broke the silence with, “Did you know about the kid?” Corey nodded, feeling ashamed that he never told his closest of friends about her, he mumbled a response that Paul couldn’t hear, “Say what?”

Corey looked up at Paul, “I said I’m sorry. I should have told you, I mean of all people. But I thought this would be better for her, that her mother would keep modelling and be able to look after her. I didn’t this would happen,” Paul nodded, understanding the logic that Corey had behind his selfless decision to try and give her a better life than what he felt he could offer. “Paul she was sexually assaulted, she’s three years old. What kind of sick bastard does that to a little girl? I mean, any girl, she’s my little girl and... Fuck!” He yelled, throwing his bottle of beer at the wall in anger. Paul sat there, arms folded watching Corey; a man he’d known for so long.

“You love her,”

“What?” Corey asked, tears forming in his eyes out of anger, disgust, frustration and sadness. Paul sighed and leaned forward, finishing off his beer. “Who do I love?”

“You love the kid. You want to protect her, more than anything. But you can’t protect her from what’s already happened, man. All you can do is show her that not everyone is like this, that you’re not going to hurt her. Be Jesus,”

Corey growled, “I’m not Jesus,”

Paul shrugged, “Learn to be her Jesus then.” Paul left late at night, he managed to talk Corey into booking into see a child psychologist with her, to see if there could be anything done to help the little girl before she was truly broken. That night Corey slept on a make-do bed on the floor of his bedroom, Shiloh seemed to peaceful that he didn’t want to disturb her from that sleep. He was painfully sleeping until he heard soft sobbing, his father instincts kicked in and he sat up to see Shiloh holding her arm softly. Not a word was said as she crawled to the side of the bed to hold her good arm out to him; taking his daughter in his arms he held her as she cried over the pain radiating from her shoulder. Half an hour later, with a dose of children’s painkillers, she was out like a light, still holding onto her father tight.