Cats and Dogs

‘I am going to kill him,’ I thought as I punched in the ten digits into the phone which was connected to the wall. ‘Why can’t he keep his mouth shut?’ I nodded to Embry as he walked into the kitchen but didn’t say anything while I listened to the phone ring in my ear.

“Hi, you’ve reached the most amazing person ever.” A voice said when the call went to voicemail. “Apparently I have better things to do than listen to you right now, but if you leave a message after the beep then I may decide to call you back later.” There was a loud and obnoxious beep after the message and I sighed at the fact that my oldest friend didn’t even bother to pick up his phone when I needed him.

“Brandon, you will answer my call right now!” I exclaimed into the mouth piece of the phone. “Stop making out with the girl on the couch, I need your help!” Embry raised an eyebrow at my choice of words but remained silent as I continued my mini-rant. “Hey, random female that now has my boyfriend’s tongue down their throat, for your own protection I must warn you that he has crabs.”

“What the fuck is your problem?” asked my friend Brandon as he answered the phone several seconds later. “I hope you’re aware that I was five and half minutes away from getting laid and that you will pay dearly for my sexual frustrations.” It took every last drop of will power I had to not laugh at the look that must have been on my friend’s face at that moment in time.

“Well, this is important.” I argued and for my own personal enjoyment I just had to add, “You’ve got five fingers and a hand don’t you? There’s no need to be frustrated.” A low growl sounded in my ear and I smiled at my amazing ability to piss off anyone.

“Don’t make me hang up on you,” he warned and I knew that it was a completely empty threat. He would never do that, no matter how annoying or strange I was acting.

“I’m so scared,” I joked but when I heard Jake yelling at Seth for one reason or another I remembered my current predicament. “Anyway, I’m here with a pack of wolves,” I started and was glad when Brandon kept his comments on that to himself. “Well, one of them imprinted on me and a few days later he ran away, to where I don’t know, but he just got back after almost three weeks and his emotions are all over the place. One minute he’s crying and the next he’s yelling; normally I wouldn’t care but he’s annoying when he’s emotional.” Brandon, who had remained silent through my entire explanation, started laughing the moment I finished speaking. Now that confused me, what was so funny?

“You going to clue me in on the joke?” I asked after several minutes of hearing him laugh hysterically into my ear.

“Sorry,” he breathed and I could tell he was trying to keep himself from laughing again. “This just reminds me of what happened with your bother Zach.” I’ve known Brandon since I was about twelve and it still amazed me that he remembered things about my brothers that I had long forgotten.

“What do you mean?” I asked and sat down next to Embry at the kitchen table.

“Oh, don’t tell me you forgot that his soul mate was a female wolf.” Whined Brandon as if this was a major disposition on his part. I was just moments away from telling him that I had when a memory of my brother telling the family about his soul mate came to mind.

“She’s a werewolf.” That sentence echoed in my head dozens of times before I remembered that Brandon was still on the line.

“Yeah, now I remember,” I answered honestly. “What does that have to do with anything?” So my brother had a shape shifter as a mate, a lot of cougar shifters did when we were a more prominent species, I didn’t see why that was a big deal.

“Well, one day she went and ran off, saying Zach was too much for her,” that definitely sounded like him. That boy was like a Chihuahua on crack. “A week later she comes back with what seems to be the same problem your new boy toy has.”

“Don’t call him that,” I snapped and my eyes widened at the protective edge in my voice. “He doesn’t even like me.” Since Embry was only getting one side of this conversation he was staring at me like I had just told him butterflies were evil. (They are)

“Sure,” said Brandon unconvinced. “We’ll come back to that. But right now we have bigger fish to fry. Get it? Fish.” He laughed and I rolled my eyes at how childish the boy could be. Okay, I was a cat, and cats eat fish, that doesn’t mean the joke was funny.

“Just tell me what’s happening to him so I can fix it and get him out of my house.” I hissed and felt Embry rest a hand on my shoulder in order to calm me down. ‘Thanks’ I mouthed and glared at the phone in my hands as I waited for the idiot on the other side to start talking.

“Well, it’s really a combination of things.” Brandon told me soothingly, apparently remembering that my anger wasn’t something any sane human being wanted to mess with. “First there’s the imprint bond thing, that alone is hard to fight and would cause him pain if he was away from you for too long. Then the soul mate thing that you have going on, that ties him to you in more ways than I can fully understand, that actually forces him to feel his soul rip in two if he tries to reject you. From what you told me, that’s exactly what he tried to do.” I nodded my head even though he couldn’t see it and waited for him to go on.

“Well, please don’t scream when I tell you the last part.” He continued and if that didn’t make me slightly concerned for Jake’s safety, then nothing would. “Since you’re a cougar shifter, your goddess now has full reign over this boy. She can control everything, the people he meets, the weather on this birthday, everything. Right now, she’s not very happy about the fact he’s trying to reject you, so not only is he feeling the loneliness of a divided soul, he’s also feeling the wrath of whatever the hell your goddesses name is.” I froze and just stared at Embry’s hand which was still resting on my shoulder until what Brandon had said truly set in.

“WHAT!” I screamed and stood up so fast the chair I was sitting in fell to the ground.

“Alai, calm down.” Brandon ordered. “It’s going to be okay, we’re going to make this better.” He reminded me of someone who was trying to calm a child while it was having some sort of tantrum and it took a lot of will power not to yell at him for that.

“What do I have to do to fix this?” I asked finally as I reclaimed my chair next to Embry.

“You can’t ‘fix’ this,” he told me, “not the situation anyway. But you can at least stop his crazy mood swings.” After hearing that, I rested my head on my hand and let my hair fall around my face, a clear sign of defeat in my book.

“How?” Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to end Jake’s bi-polar episode but he was still going to have his life controlled by my goddess. She already had me; she already ruined my life whenever she had the chance, why did she need to do the same to his? It didn’t make sense, and for the hundredth time I wished I was normal.

“You have to show her that you recognize him as your mate, show her that you appreciate her choice for you.” Brandon said and I was more confused than ever. What the hell was that supposed to mean?!

“Let’s pretend for a second that I don’t know what that means.” I said with a dry laugh that didn’t sound as if it should have come from me.

“You’re going to have to kiss him,” he said simply and I swear I could feel my heart stop for a solid minute before it decided to keep beating, much to my dismay.

“You can’t be serious,” I complained and looked over to Embry who was still confused due to a lack in information.

“I very much am,” said Brandon, “but you don’t have to actually kiss him on the lips, it can be on the hand, cheek, even the forehead.” His words did help me feel a little better, but not by much. I would still have to get fairly close to the shape shifter in order to kiss him and that could easily be the last thing I do thanks to his crazy emotional problem.

“Em,” I said as I covered the mouth piece with my left hand. “There’s a cordless phone in my bedroom, go get it.” He didn’t even hesitate before standing up and doing what I asked. I love having power.

“Alright Brandon,“ I said slowly. “He’s not going to believe a word I say since he still doesn’t know about my whole cat thing, so it’s now your job to convince him not to kill me.” Phones can be replaced; heads not so much.

Just then Embry walked back into the room and handed me the cordless which I took with a smile. “Thanks,” I told him and pressed the call button on this phone before hanging up the other.

“Brandon, you still there?” I asked and started walking toward the living room without hearing an answer.

“Yep, you can’t get rid of me that easily,” he replied and rolled my eyes before putting the call on speaker just as I walked in on the pack all trying to comfort a crying Jacob.

“Now she hates me!” He sobbed and I had the overwhelming urge to slap him again while screaming “Pull yourself together man!” It’s a good thing I fought that urge.

“Hey guys, my friend’s on the phone and he’s going to tell you basically what’s going on.” I said and everyone turned to me and Embry with almost relieved expressions. Yeah, Jake must bother everyone, apparently it’s not just me.

“Why the hell should we trust him!” screamed Jake and a round of hysterical laughter erupted from the phone in my hands.

“Oh wow, he’s fucked up,” laughed Brandon. “He’s like ten times worse than Ana!” Everyone in the room seemed to be confused by the weird person on the phone and I simply twirled my finger around the right side of my head in the “he’s crazy” gesture we’ve all seen at least once.

“Who are you?” asked Sam and I bowed my head in embarrassment as Brandon started his monologue. The one he uses to introduce himself to people because he thinks he’s above the whole, “hi, my name is Brandon,” thing.

“My name,” said Brandon in his practiced aristocrat voice, “is Brandon Carson. I’m a member of the Northern California pack, and also the longest living werewolf in existence.”

“Brandon, shut up,” he’s always giving more information than necessary and it’s annoying as hell.

“What? Alai, I’m 409 years old. I think I have the right to brag a little.” I hit my head against my hand several times before calming down long enough to talk without slamming the phone against the wall.

“Just tell them what’s going on,” I hissed and turned up the volume on the phone so everyone would be able to hear him. I didn’t want anyone left out, that would be just plain cruel.

“Alright, alright, no need to smash the phone, I’ll start talking.” He promised, his statement did little calm my internal urge to figure out what the inside of a telephone looked like.

“Well, basically,” said Brandon, in a way that almost made you forget that he was a major idiot. “Your imprint bond is fucking you up. What’s your name again?” It wasn’t until he mentioned it that I realized that it probably would have been a good idea to actually inform Brandon of what Jake’s name was.

“Jake,” he answered and before anyone could sneeze, blink, or even think; Brandon was speaking again.

“Okay Jake, from what Alai has told me; it seems that you’re being pulled in two directions. You want to get as far away as possible but the bond wants to be as close as it can get. That’s what’s screwing you up.” I wouldn’t have admitted it to anyone, but I was mildly impressed by Brandon’s ability to give a reasonable explanation for what was going on without telling them what was really going on.

“How do we solve this?” asked Paul, reminding me that I had asked almost the same exact question just minutes ago.

“First, both Jake and Alai are going to have to agree to get along.” Said Brandon, you could almost hear the smirk in his voice and I really wished he was here in person so I could smack him upside the head.

“The bond isn’t going to take arguing lightly so it’s probably a good idea not to try to kill each other.” Everyone turned to Jake, already knowing that he was going to have trouble with that thanks to his crazy wolf anger.

“What else?” asked Jared. “Them not arguing isn’t going to make Jake go back to normal.” The kid was smart, I’d give him that. Apparently the pack hadn’t had the chance to warp his mind yet.

“You’re right it won’t.” said Brandon. “Alai’s going to have to kiss him, it doesn’t matter where.”

“NO!” yelled Jake as he jumped to his feet, breaking free of his friends’ hold in the process. “I’m not letting her anywhere near me!” Like I’d want to be anywhere near him right now, I swear that boy doesn’t think.

“It’s other that or check into a mental institution and never check out.” Brandon informed him seriously. “Take your pick.” There was a dark undertone to Brandon’s voice and if I hadn’t known the guy for years then I would have sworn he was a vampire.

“I’ll take the asylum,” Jake said and I didn’t try to hide my growl as I marched up before grabbing a hand full of dark brown hair, pulling his head down a few inches and kissing the top of it.

“Stop being such a fucking baby.” I didn’t even get the small feeling of satisfaction I normally got after insulting somebody because Jake was now snoring peacefully in my arms.

“Is he sleeping?” asked Brandon in a way that indicated he already knew the answer to his question.

“Yeah, why is he?” I asked as I dropped the werewolf on the ground after he started drooling on me. Come on, you wouldn’t continue to hold him either, stop looking at me like that.

“Hello, he’s been feeling a different emotion every five seconds for the last how ever many days or even weeks. Suffice to say, he’s probably a little tired.” That did make sense now that I thought about it.

“Brandy, Brandy, where are you?” I looked down at the white phone in my hand as a high pitched female voice came through the speaker.

“Who’s that?” I asked slightly annoyed that he had another woman in his house. He just had one there like ten minutes ago and now there’s a different one. I swear, he’s like Bill Clinton.

“Oh, that’s my five o’clock. Love you, Alai. But I have got to go.” I stared open mouthed at the phone as a loud beeping sound rang through the room, a signal that he had hung up already.

“The sad thing is,” I said to the pack members who had been kind enough remain conscious, “I owe that guy my life.”