Take My Hand

It felt like time stopped as soon as our lips collided and the way he kissed me just made me melt under him. I missed this feeling so much and I can’t believe I have to give it all away because Kristy claims she’s pregnant with his baby. Who knows? It might not be Jack’s. I mean she was slutting it up to everyone in their neighborhood as far as I was concerned and it had been two months since she and Jack last saw each other. Maybe it was someone else’s. I mean what are the odd?

I didn’t know if doubting all of this was meant to be something I needed to do to pass the time. It seemed useless really seeing as it wasn’t my business to begin with. I shouldn’t even dwell in the situation but whatever.

Jack and I parted when I forcefully pulled my lips away from him. I didn’t want to but the fact that Kristy’s lips kissed his just sickened me. I thought it was disgusting to kiss someone who kissed someone else before you did and that someone was someone who was probably lying about her pregnancy just to get Jack back.

Nothing in my life is ever fair. That’s a new realization for me. The very moment that things started to shape up for me, something just needs to ruin it. It’s as if the world doesn’t approve of my happiness. Like I did something extremely wrong to earn the world’s disapproval but I didn’t do anything wrong, did I? Wasn’t I the one who thought everything through so I wouldn’t commit mistakes that could have been avoided if I thought about it more? As far as I was concerned, I was that kind of person. But now, I’m not so sure anymore.

Jack looked at me with a fresh wave of pain in his eyes. I was neglecting him and he thought that maybe it was because I hated him. I told him that I only pulled away because it felt wrong that I was kissing him.

“Didn’t you hear what I said, Brit?” he asked me with a hint of irritation in his voice.

“Jack, you can’t just go kissing anyone,” I told him looking from side to side to see if anyone saw us.

“You’re not anyone, Brit, you’re mine. I mean at least we were together before she came and messed it all up. But Brittany, I love you,” he said sweetly but I couldn’t give in to him. Not while some hoe bag is carrying his ‘child’.

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything to him and somehow, he got tired of waiting. He climbed back up the bus and made his way to the back. I sighed and mentally slapped myself for not telling him I loved him as well.

I leaned back at the side of the bus and just closed my eyes and tried to dream this all away. I told myself that maybe this was all a bad dream and that when I wake up, it’ll all be okay again. But sadly, this was reality and in all honesty, it sucked – a lot.

“What’re you doing out here alone at this time of the night where guys might be lurking to rape girls like you?” Garrett asked as soon as he passed by.

I opened my eyes to see him eyeing me in a weird way. I didn’t know why I reacted the way I did but the next thing I knew, I threw my arms around Garrett and he wrapped his arms around my waist.

Tears started streaming down my face and I felt like I could cry for hours but it embarrassed me to express myself like this – at least when I was around other people. But somehow – with Garrett wrapping his arms around me – it almost felt comforting; like it was okay to cry.

“Shh, it’s okay,” I was crying silently but he still felt the need to shush me. I thought it was funny but this was hardly a time to start laughing about the smallest things.

“I just don’t know what to from here,” I said. “Where exactly am I supposed to go and what should I do, Garrett?” I asked him as I tried to hold the tears but they fought their way out of my eyes.

Garrett stayed silent for awhile. He composed his thoughts well before saying anything. “Well, I think you should give this some time. I mean you and Jack had just started a relationship and I’m sure that girl won’t be there forever,” Oh, but she was going to be there forever. He just didn’t know it.

“You don’t know that,” I told him thinking about how I was losing this fight without trying. I hadn’t shown any effort of trying. Well, it would’ve been a fixed fight either way. Pregnant girls always get the guy.

“You don’t either,” Garrett countered while rubbing my back soothingly. I felt something when he touched me but I wasn’t sure if it was meant to be something friendly or something more than that.

“Life sucks,” I complained as I wiped the tears from my eyes and pulled away from him.

“Oh, come on, don’t talk like that,” Garrett said trying to be optimistic but I didn’t want any of that. I didn’t dismiss it though because that would be plain rude.

“Garrett, you don’t even know the girl-”

“I know Kristy. She was there when All Time Low toured with us. She’s an annoying bitch who has sex with anyone and anything and I know it won’t be long until Jack gets rid of-”

“Garrett, she’s pregnant with Jack’s baby,” I couldn’t hold it in anymore. It was making me drown in misery and I never thought I’d feel this way about the situation but it was inevitable. It was as if this day wouldn’t be complete unless I felt like total bullshit by the end of it.

Garrett just stared at me wide-eyed. Crap. Didn’t Jack announce this to everyone? I mean was I the only one he told? Was I the only who he trusted with this?

“Gar, you can’t tell anyone, okay?” I started to panic. I wasn’t supposed to tell anyone, was I?

“Oh, um, yeah, sure,” he stammered.

“I’m serious,” I told him sternly. At this he laughed and sorta lightened up but shock was still evident in the way he looked at me. “You really can’t tell anyone,”

“Don’t worry, you can’t trust me,” he told me and I tried to smile but ended up bringing my lips as far as a straight line on my face. I hated feeling like this.

The bus door opened and someone started to go down the steps. I waited to see who it was hoping it wasn’t Jack or Kristy.

Alex came down and turned his head to the side and saw Garrett first. He gave him a man hug and then turned to me.

“Are you alright?” he asked me and I nodded. “Tears in your eyes are not the right definition for alright,” he said and I rolled my eyes and looked at Garrett who seemed to act all cool and collected; as if what I had just told him didn’t affect him in any way.

“I’m okay, Garrett here just told me a really sad story,” I lied but Alex didn’t believe any of that crap. I thought he was gonna push me to answer him but he didn’t.

“Anyway, everyone’s been looking for you,” he told me and I raised an eyebrow.

“I was out here the whole time,” I said and he nodded.

“Well I hate to be a party pooper but we all want you inside so we know you’re safe,” I didn’t really believe what Alex said but I knew that saying something else would make this conversation longer and that there was no way I could get rid of Alex and return to my conversation with Garrett.

“Well, I’ll talk to you later then?” Garrett said and I nodded before he turned and walked away.

I got in the bus after Alex and noticed that the whole bus was silent and that they were all at the back lounge. I wondered about why they were all there but there was really only one way to find out.

Zack and Rian watched me as I walked in. They must’ve seen the way my eyes were red because they immediately got up and started asking questions. Jack on the other hand was just looking at me with a face that seemed guilty. Kristy wasn’t with the rest of the guys so I figured she must’ve been asleep or something.

“Come on guys, we don’t have all night to do this,” Alex said when Zack and Rian were bombarding me with questions I refused to answer.

“What is this about, anyway?” I asked as I sat right in between Rian and Zack. Zack held me protectively and I as starting to get annoyed. I mean it’s not like I think it’s bad that he’s overprotective but I think he’s showing it a little bit too much now.

“Jack told us about the pregnancy,” Rian said and I nodded.

“And we think she’s faking it,” Alex chimed in.

“We don’t know for sure yet though,” Zack said.

“Are you sure it’s yours?” I directed the question to Jack who looked at me and shrugged.

“She said it was,” he said and we all rolled our eyes.

“How do you know she hasn’t been fucking around with some cheap guys she met at bars?” Alex spat out rather bitterly. Jack looked like he was hurt about what he said.

“Don’t treat her like she’s some prostitute,” Jack said angrily, “because she isn’t,” I really didn’t get how Jack felt about the whole situation. I mean one moment, he’s telling you that he hates her and he wants to get rid of her but the next thing you know, he’s telling you not to talk shit about her.

Everyone kept silent after what Jack said and I started to feel really awkward just sitting where I was. I mean was I really supposed to be there at that moment? It felt like this was a boys’ only time and somehow I was forced to get it on this but I don’t know.

“Whatever Jack,” Zack said all of a sudden, “You have to decide. It’s Brittany or that hoe bag.” Again Jack seemed to get even angrier. Now this was exactly why I thought I wasn’t supposed to be here.

“That’s not even something I’d have to think about twice. You all know I’d pick Brit any day,” he muttered in his seat but loud enough for everyone to hear. He looked at me and I looked back at him trying to regain the connection we once had. But for a moment, I felt nothing. No connection at all.