Take My Hand

“I can’t just let it go. I don’t want to let it go!” I heard Jack exclaim as soon as I set foot on the All Time Low bus. I didn’t think I’d ever come back in here again but I felt like I needed to.

Garrett and I have been somewhat exclusive now and I’ve been really happy lately. But nothing really compared to the way I felt when Jack was around. I know it’s not right for me to compare or anything since Garrett is Garrett and Jack is Jack but sometimes, I just can’t help it. I mean it’s not like I don’t like being with Garrett, it’s just that sometimes, I wish what happened never really happened because then, Jack and I would still be together.

“Get a hold of yourself, bro! Do you know how much you mess up on stage because of what you’re dealing with?” I heard Alex counter.

“For Christ’s sake, it’s only been two fucking days, man! Cut me some slack, will ya?” and with that, the conversation was cut short because apparently, Jack was heading out of the bus – back to where I was standing.

“Um, hey,” I said to Jack who seemed a little flustered. It wasn’t like I eavesdropped on them intentionally.

“Hey,” he said in a soft voice.

“I was just going to-”

“No, it’s okay. I was just leaving anyway.” He said walking past me and heading to a certain direction. I climbed on and saw Alex sitting in his bunk all alone. He looked really miserable.

“How’ve you guys been?” I asked snapping Alex out of his daze.

“Not so good,” he simply said with a sigh. “You should really fix him,”

“And how am I gonna do that?” I chuckled but Alex’s expression wasn’t lightening up at all.

“I don’t know but you guys just have to work something out because he’s not gonna fix himself,” Alex stated.

“I’m sure he’ll get over it one way or another. All he needs is time,” I tried to shine a little light on the situation but Alex was being stubborn about all this.

“You know as well as I do that time won’t fix him and plus, we’re on tour. We don’t have all the time in the world to wait for to get better. Time’s racing here,” Alex got up and started pacing around.

“Well it’s not like I know what to do…” I told him but he rolled his eyes at me.

“Isn’t it clear from the way he’s acting out? Isn’t the whole thing clear? Don’t you see what he’s trying to tell the whole world?” Alex asked rhetorically but I was too clueless to even figure that out. Maybe I had a big hunch about what he was talking about exactly but I don’t know. I might just end up seeming too conceited.

“I’m not sure I get exactly what you mean here,” I said just to be safe. I needed a clarification.

“He still loves you, Brit. We can all see it in the way he looks at you and he knows that he’s made a mistake but he’s ready to make up for it but you’re with someone else now and that’s killing him inside. He wanted to make things right with you but you moved on before he could even jump for joy once that bitch left. He’s broken inside and out and you’re the only one who can fix him,” Alex explained.

“Why me? Why does this all have to be about me? I wasn’t the one who believed that lying son of a bitch. I wasn’t the one who fucked up and messed up every good thing that happened and could’ve happened. Why don’t I deserve to be happy too? I mean for once in my life, can’t you find someone else to blame for his sadness?” It wasn’t fair that that he was blaming about Jack’s behaviour. Wasn’t I supposed to be the victim here? Wasn’t I the one who put up with every bad thing that’s ever happened here?

Alex was silent from that point. He was trying to process it all and think about a comeback but he couldn’t think about anything to counter me with. That was when Jack came back on the bus with Zack trailing behind him. Apparently they were talking about something before they came on but stopped once they sensed the tension between me and Alex. I was on the verge of crying but I had to hold it in. I looked at Alex who looked at me with about the same amount of tension.

Zack was the first to break our glare-off by clearing his throat. I looked to the side before grabbing a backpack from under my bunk and my camera bag along with it. If this was how things were going to be then I’m not ever coming back. I wasn’t the root of all bitterness here and I wasn’t the one who caused all the trouble. I was willing to cut everyone some slack but Alex just proved to me that maybe Jack didn’t deserve it. From the way Alex was talking, it seemed like Jack was blaming me for everything and that wasn’t fair at all.

“What exactly is going on in here?” Zack managed to ask before I took a step towards the bus door.

“Ask him,” I gestured to Alex and started moving only to be held back by Zack who placed both his hands on my shoulders and gripped them so I wouldn’t be able to move.

“And where do you think you’re going?” Zack asked and I bit my lip to stop the tears from falling.

“I’m staying with The Maine,” I said and Zack pouted. I smiled half-heartedly at that as I pulled him in for a hug. “I’m sorry,” I whispered and he nodded his head as a sign that he understood what I meant to say.

Zack let go of me and Jack was watching me with sullen eyes. I said nothing to him as I walked past the three of them and got down from the bus. As soon as I was outside, I felt the dire need to break down and cry my eyes out. I didn’t know why but it just hurt to know that Jack was blaming for all of this. Or at least that’s what Alex said. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to be all sentimental about what Alex said seeing that it is Alex we’re talking about here but he knows Jack more than I do so I guess that’s one reason to actually believe that what I think about Jack is true.

I walked around with my head down the whole time and I avoided having to look anyone in the eye because I wasn’t a hard person to figure out at all. One look is all it takes to know what I’m feeling inside sometimes.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Garrett asked as soon as I was back on their bus. The rest of the guys were out mingling with other people. I wondered why he stayed on board. I mean it wasn’t like him to stay behind.

“Oh, uh it’s nothing.” I said walking past him and dumping my things on his bunk. Tim said we were getting hotel rooms tonight since we were in California. I didn’t really get what he meant about that but maybe we were going to stay here a while longer.

“Come on, just tell me. You know I hate it when you try to hide things from me,” he told me.

“I didn’t know that,” I said and he rolled his eyes.

“Don’t change the subject,” he said with a charming smile. It made me a tad bit better but most of me was still hitting rock bottom.

I told him about what Alex told me and how I thought Jack was blaming me about the whole situation. Most of the people already knew about the whole Kristy-faking-the-pregnancy thing which wasn’t all that surprising because gossip like that spreads like wildfire on tour. Everyone was showing Jack some moral support by bringing him to parties and getting him wasted and shit but from what I heard, he wasn’t the same. It was as if the alcohol made him even more depressed and they all think it’s my fault now. I was tired of being placed under the limelight and Jack wasn’t doing anything about it apparently.

“…that’s why I’m so down right now,” I said and all this time he actually listened to everything I said which I thought was really sweet of him.

“It’s okay, babe, I’m here for you and I’m ready to beat up anyone who hates on you,” he said punching his palm to show how tough he was. I smiled at him and kissed him on the lips. Well at least now I know who I’m better off with. I guess it has always been pretty crystal clear form the start. All I really needed was a little sign and this kiss was it for me. At least that’s how I felt.