Take My Hand

After Garrett and I talked, I went back to The Maine’s bus to get the rest of my stuff so I could move back into All Time Low’s. I knew it would be awkward for both Garrett and I so I spared him the awkwardness and settled into my old bunk in the All Time Low bus.

Zack was the only one inside when I got in. I smiled at him and he smiled back but it grew even wider when he saw my backpack. He ran towards me and pulled me into a hug and told me that he was glad to have me back on the bus.

“I didn’t really like having no one to talk to on here when everyone else was outside mingling,” he told me and I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Since when have you spent time alone on the bus?” I asked him and he just gave me a toothy grin and a small shrug.

“I don’t know I guess I just missed you, you know?” he told me and I just nodded even if I thought it was weird that he was sharing his feelings with me. I mean its not like I didn’t want him to just keep quiet about them but this was just unusual.

“You wanna head out and go look for something to take pictures of with me?” he asked me snapping me out of my daze. I smiled at him and nodded.

I grabbed my camera and he did the same. I was glad my coming back didn’t affect anyone in a bad way. I mean I’m not sure how the rest of the guys are gonna react to it but I just hope it’d be similar to the way Zack is feeling right now.

Zack and I talked as we walked to the park across the street. I started fixing up the aperture and shutter speed that I thought would fit the light outside and started snapping away. Zack was grabbing something to eat from the concession stand and came back with a soda and a burger. I turned my camera to him and snapped a shot of him as he took a bite. Zack narrowed his eyes at me but he didn’t really do anything about it.

I sat beside him on the bench as we watched kids pass by us. It was four in the afternoon and the sun was turning orange. It looked so nice in the sky so I decided to snap another photo.

“So, how’re you and Garrett?” he asked me and I put my camera down to look at him.

“We, uh, sorta broke up today,” I told him and he sat up straighter as concern travelled to all corners of his face.

“You guys – what?” he seemed surprised and shocked at the same time and I just didn’t get it. I mean shouldn’t he be happy? I mean I can finally relieve Jack of his pain and stuff and they can all become normal again.

With the way I just thought about getting back with Jack made it seem less appealing. I mean it seems like I’m doing it for him and not for me. I love Jack and he’s a great guy but getting back together with him didn’t really seem like a good idea right now and I don’t know but maybe, it’ll never feel like a great idea and that maybe I’d regret breaking up with Garrett but it’s too soon to know for sure. I have no idea why I’m second guessing myself right now and I hope it’s just a phase that’d blow over soon because having to feel this way – having to feel the hole in my chest get bigger and bigger – makes it hard to think straight.

“We broke up,” I repeated. It hurt to say those words but maybe it is for the best. Maybe Jack will be able to redeem himself and I’m not giving up my happiness for nothing.

“But how?” he asked me and I sighed and that got his attention. “Oh, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be asking about this. Sorry,” he said quickly.

I smiled at the ground and shook my head before looking up at the sky. “It’s okay to be curious, Zack. Everyone has to ask questions sometimes but sadly even I don’t know the real answer to that question,” I told him and I looked back at him just to see that he wasn’t in a light mood anymore.

“Did he do something I should be angry about?” he asked getting all serious and that sorta made me laugh.

“Zack, this one’s on me.” I said and he cocked his head to the side and threw the burger wrapper to the trash can that was a few feet away from the bench. He sipped some soda from his cup as he waited for me to elaborate. “Jack and I had a talk today at the coffee shop right on the other side of this park. Jack kissed me and apparently, Garrett saw us and came right in. They almost got into a fight but luckily Jack just walked away. Then, Garrett told me about how I was only using him which was only somewhat partially true,” I told him as I breathed out. Having to talk about these things made me all emotional and I didn’t want to have to start crying out here – in public.

“And that led to the break up?” he asked and I looked at him and nodded.

“He told me that it was obvious that I didn’t really want to be with him but that wasn’t true. I wanted to be with him but he chose not to believe it. It was as if he persuaded me into thinking that I really needed to be with Jack and that being with him was the worst idea in the world but he just doesn’t get it like I do, you know?” I said. I bit my lip as I tried to stop tears from pouring out of my eyes.

“So who do you really wanna be with?” he asked and I just shrugged.

“I don’t even know anymore.” I simply said and I sighed. Zack placed his arm around me and rubbed my arm up and down comfortingly.

“You’ll figure it out,” he said rather encouragingly. I gave Zack a small smile as I leaned into him.

“I wonder when that might happen,” I said and he smirked.

“Time will come,” he said and I just nodded into him.

I was glad that I had Zack with me right now. He was like the best friend anyone could ever ask for. I loved how he cared about me in a brotherly way. It makes me feel so loved. I just wish that nothing will ever tear our relationship apart.

“Wanna get your mind off things for a while?” he asked me all of a sudden and I nodded again. “Then let’s start shooting things,” he said and I looked at him. “With our cameras, I mean,” he said and I laughed.

I didn’t know why but he always found away to make me just a tad bit happier. It felt so good to just be around someone and not have to worry about burdening them about your problems because they’re sure to understand or something. It was nice to talk to him about things and I’m just happy that someone actually takes the time to listen to me. It definitely takes my mind off things.