Take My Hand

Our lips met and it almost felt as if the world was somewhat perfect. I thought it would last forever but suddenly, Jack pulled away with a look in his face that I couldn’t really understand.

“What is it?” I asked nervously. “Did I do something wrong?”

He just looked at me with what I think was shock in his eyes. Once he was aware of what exactly he was doing, he turned away and started walking, leaving me in the alcohol filled kitchen.

I wanted to chase after him and ask him about what he was thinking but he got lost in the crowd quickly. There was no way I could catch up with him now. He was so far into the crowd that I couldn’t even see past the heads that were blocking my way. I sighed in defeat as I retreated back further into the kitchen to fix myself a drink. I got another red cup since Jack took mine away and filled it with what I was drinking earlier.

I downed probably two more cups before stumbling my way out of the kitchen to look for Jack. A few people were looking my way but I just shrugged them off thinking that maybe they were jealous of my dress – the dress that Jack picked for me. I was slowly beginning to realize that maybe this was deeper than just a crush seeing how every other word that comes out of my mouth is Jack or at least something about him.

I was just passing by people when suddenly, I stumbled into a guy who was out on the dance floor dancing with some girl who looked like she was high on ecstasy or something like that. The guy turned to me as I apologized to him. He looked oddly familiar but with my hazy vision, my mind couldn’t process the way he looked. All I knew though was that he was tall and he had styled brown hair.

“You okay?” he asked holding both my shoulders to keep me steady.

“Uhyeahsure,” I slurred and he chuckled. “I was wondering if you knew where my friend Jack was,” I said talking more clearly.I was in control; the whole situation was under my control.

“Oh, I know where he is but why don’t you come with me first?” he asked me as he left the girl he was dancing with and dragged me to a certain direction.

“Where we going?” I asked completely confused and restless as he led me back to the kitchen where it was deserted.

“Let’s get you something to drink. You seem a little thirsty,” he said deceivingly but I didn’t really have the power to argue so I just nodded and he started pouring things in a shot glass he got from a cabinet. “Drink this,” he commanded and I downed it without another word.

It hurt my throat a lot. He handed me a lemon as a chaser but that didn’t help the burning sensation at all. But then, after a little while, some kinda energy brought me back to life.

“Feel any better?” he asked drinking right from the bottle.

“Mmmhmmm,” I said drunkenly as I took his hand and led him to the dance floor.

I was feeling confident as I shook my hips to the rhythm. He placed his hands on my sides and started moving with me. I forgot about all my worries and gave myself whole-heartedly to the music and tried to dance the night away.

The beats started getting heavier and somehow, I was getting a weird sense of a déjà vu. It was like this whole scene happened already but my mind wasn’t working right and it couldn’t tell me if it did or didn’t.

We started grinding on each other and his hands slipped to some parts where they really shouldn’t have. But with the way my mind was thinking, I had no problem whatsoever with it. I felt like I could do anything. Like I owned the world and that other people’s thoughts and opinions didn’t matter. I was confident.I was drunk.

He was holding me tightly and I could feel his warmth as he started planting kisses on my neck. He sucked lightly as his hands travelled up and down my body. I moaned in pleasure as I spun myself around so that I was facing him. Our lips were about to collide when suddenly, I felt someone pull me away.

“Fuck off her, Alex!” I heard a familiar voice yell. Everyone was looking now. Everyone was looking at Jack who just caused a scene.

“C’mon Jack, we were just having some fun,” Alex said slipping his arms drunkenly on his shoulder.

Jack pushed him away and I started to get scared. Were they actually going to brawl right in the middle of the dance floor?

“Shut the fuck up, Alex. I know exactly what you were going to do with her,” he stated angrily as he grabbed me by the hand and pulled me away from the scene.

I looked back at Alex who put his hand up to his ear telling me that I should call him sometime. He winked at me but I kept a blank expression.

Jack practically dragged me out of house as he walked towards his car. People’s stares were starting to get to me and they were really annoying. It’s like one of those really embarrassing moments where you did something bad in school and your mother comes and picks you up and drags you all the way to the car in a really rotten mood. I’ve experienced that once and I really didn’t want to anymore but I guess that couldn’t happen.

Once he got me in the car, he walked in the driver’s seat and started the ignition. He started driving away from the party and on to the road.

“Where are we going?” I asked. This whole time I kept silent since I was afraid of what he might say to me if I did say something.

My conscience was starting to get clearer with each second but my mind wasn’t working as well as it was. It was all still sorta hazy but the feelings of guilt, regret and sadness were in me. I don’t really understand how that’s happening seeing that I wasn’t thinking straight but I don’t know.

“Home,” he said with a deep huff. He wasn’t too happy about what happened and neither was I but I just didn’t understand.

If I try to recall exactly what happened after Jack and I danced, I remember kissing him and wanting to kiss him back but right when I wanted our lips to meet again, he pulled away and stared for a while in some kind of shock and then went away.

I didn’t ask why we were going home since he probably didn’t want to talk right now. As much as I wanted to just close my eyes and make all this tension go away, I couldn’t. My eyes wouldn’t shut. I was still high from that single shot I took – the one that Alex gave me.

Thirty minutes passed by swiftly. Next thing I knew was that we were both back at Jack’s and I stumbled out of the car. I couldn’t find my balance. I felt really disoriented like a toddler who was learning how to walk.

Jack lifted me up and carried me in his arms. I placed my arms around his neck as I looked up at him. I wondered about what he was thinking and if he was still mad at me and things like why he left me after our lips made contact. But I was too scared to say anything. I was too aghast to even try to think about what to say. I was a total mess.

He placed me down on his bed as soon as he got to his room. I was expecting him to lie beside me but as soon as he laid me down, he sat on the edge of the bed that was away from me.

“Jack, I’m really sorry,” I blurted out as I sat up and looked at him. It was the only thing that I thought was appropriate to say.

He looked at me with deep bewilderment in his eyes. He turned around taking his shoes off before crossing his legs on the bed. “Why are you apologizing?” he asked clearly unsatisfied.

“Um, I, uh-”

“Brit, look, it’s not your fault, okay?” he interjected in a softer tone and a wave of relief washed over me. “Alex likes to get with other girls. He gets them drunk, gets in their pants and then leaves them all alone in a bed when morning comes. It’s what you call a one night stand.”

“I didn’t know that,” I mumbled and he smirked.

The whole room went silent for a while as I thought of a way to bring up the question that was pondering wildly in my head. It was like a wild horse inside a big box filled with nothing.

“Jack, why did you run away after you kissed me?” I know that maybe that sounded lame but that was the best I could do with a mind that was currently malfunctioning.

“W-what?” he stammered as I caught him off-guard with my question.

He studied my face for a while. I didn’t really know what exactly he was looking for but after a certain amount of time; he knew that I was waiting and that it was getting late.

“Brit, in all honesty, I ran away because I was scared,” he mentioned as soon as he composed himself. “It was all happening too fast for me and I just needed a quick breather,”

“But you never came back,” I told him.

“And that might have been the biggest mistake I’ve made tonight,” he said almost instantly after I said what I did. “But when I did decide to go back and check on you, I saw you grinding on the dance floor with Alex. Brit, I didn’t want you to get hurt so I pulled you away from-”

“I get that part,” I interrupted him and he sighed.

“Look, Brittany, I know that I have feelings for you and I guess now you know that too but right now, don’t you think it’s too early?” he asked inquisitively as I rubbed my temples.

“I’m not sure we’re supposed to be talking about this.” I said suddenly feeling nauseous. Alcohol was starting to mess with my digestive system. I needed a toilet and quick.

I ran to the bathroom but I didn’t bother to shut the door behind me. I started spilling my guts out as I vomited into Jack’s bathroom. You might be thinking that maybe that’s the worst place to try and relieve yourself from all the nausea since it might be the dirtiest place on Earth, but his bathroom was sorta clean. I mean I guess it was understandable since he just moved in.

Jack came in as soon as I placed my head in the bowl. He held my hair away from my face with one hand and rubbed my back with the other. It all might’ve been really sweet if we were actually together but we weren’t and he was just doing what friends should do. I didn’t like this friend boundary anymore. It’s the only thing that’s blocking me from ever being with him and that killed me inside.

Once I didn’t feel that nauseous anymore, I flushed the toilet and got up slowly but Jack was there to support me and keep me balanced so I guess it didn’t really matter if I shot up or took it slow. I still wouldn’t have ended up falling face down on the floor.

He led me to the sink so I could wash myself but I didn’t feel like just washing my face. I wanted to take a bath.

“Um, are you sure about that?” he asked me as he cocked an eyebrow. I just nodded at him as I got away from his grip and walked over to where the bath tub was. I clogged the drain as I started to fill the tub up with water.

“You know I can go if you want,” he said nervously and I chuckled at him sleepily.

“You can stay, Jack as long as you don’t look when I go naked,” I still had a little confidence instilled in me but as soon as those words came out of my mouth, I wanted to take them back desperately but I couldn’t take them back. Not unless if I had a time machine.

Jack blushed hard before grabbing a bottle of liquid bath soap from the cabinet that was on top of the towel rack.

“Cucumber Melon? Really?” I asked suspiciously as he handed me the bottle.

“It smells nice!” he defended himself as I placed some of it in the tub.

The water in the tub started to form bubbles. I turned off the faucet and was about to unzip the back of my dress when I remembered that I didn’t have anything to change into once I was done.

“Um, maybe I should go grab some clothes first before I jump in to the tub,” I said starting towards the door.

“Don’t worry about that, I can just lend you some clothes for when you’re done.” He said and I smiled.

“Oh, thanks,” I said trying to unzip my back but I couldn’t reach it.

Jack zipped it down for me. Once it was down all the way, I turned to look at him and bit my bottom lip as he let out a nervous chuckle and went back into his room. I got out of my clothes and left it all on the clean bathroom floor as I got into the warm water filled with foamy bubbles.

It covered my body fully which was good seeing as Jack started peeking through the door. I motioned for him to come in when it was safe and he slowly walked inside. He sat outside the tub and leaned against it. We were across from each other and he was just looking at me with this smile on his face. But I didn’t feel that fine yet.

“Jack, can we pretend that this night never really happened?” I asked him all of a sudden and he looked at me with a questioning look on his face.

“Depends really,” he said playing with the bubbles near my feet.

“Well, it’s not like I want to forget everything that happened tonight, I just wanted to erase the part where you left and-”

“Brittany, that kiss didn’t really mean anything,” he said grabbing a bunch of bubbles and playing with them.

“Um, what?” I asked him as I placed my hair up in a bun using my hand.

“I said it didn’t mean anything,” he said and I swear in that moment, I would’ve wanted to drown in the water and not come back up again. I can’t believe how fast he made this night the best to the worst one in the whole world.