I Haven't Got A Problem, I Just Don't Eat.
Chapter One.
I wake up screaming, the dream still vivid in my head. Reaching for my light a hand grips my arm lightly, stopping me dead in my tracks.
"It's okay, just a dream. Go back to sleep baby"
Looking at him with frantic eyes I can just make out the softness to his facial expression, calming me down some. I snuggle back into his chest, nuzzling into the crook in his neck.
Even with the arms being tighter around me than before, I still can't help but stay awake for a while longer, him whispering to me sweet nothings into my ear, stroking my back occasionally. I do eventually fall back asleep, before him. He always stays awake to comfort me after my nightmares. One of the reasons I love him...
Okay STOP! this is not actualy what my life is like. No. The complete opposite in fact, this is just one of my little day-dreams that I wish will come true one day...
Yep, that's me. The Dreamer.
Dreaming that my life will get better. Dreaming that I have a prince charming out there somewhere. Dreaming that I wasn't such a dreamer.
But most of all dreaming that I wasn't stuck in this little place I like to call hell.
Also known as the Greenvitch Clinic For The Unbalanced.
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It all started last year, when my life was bearable. Not perfect, not decent even, but bearable. I suppose the reason for that is because I was only 13, and at 13 there isn't such a need to be perfect and definitely not a problem with self-conscious issues. But the day I fell into year nine, it all changed...
Okay, I was going to go into another day-dream there but I kindly resisted to spare you the torture.
So, what was I saying? Ohyepright, year nine and all the perils it brought with it.
So when you leave the comfort of year eight and launch head first into the next one you don't think it'll be you worst nightmare right? Wrong. Sure you still have all your friends and what not, but it's not them, it's everyone else that have changed. They all start bitching and getting boyfriends when you're just there, alone and self-conscious.
That's when I began to think as myself as fat and starving myself for the perfect body.
Though it didn't work at first (what can i say? I like my food!) it did eventually. And eventually my family started paying attention to me not eating. Well, when I say family I mean the mess that lives in my household- a marriage consisting of two workaholics that's falling apart, a sister that spends her nights getting high then selling herself on the streets of Connecticut and me- enough said. So they sent me away to this god-forsaken-place (that is actualy a five star clinic, but lets just pretend you didn't hear that) away from everything. Well, It was actualy more like nothing; I was glad to get away from that school! My so called 'friends' had become more my worst enemies armed with my secrets.
So off I get shipped down the road and through the forest to somewhere I can't pronounce to get better. Oh yeah, did I mention that i'm anorexic? Yes, that's right. I still am, and plan on being until I decide otherwise, starving myself for that 'perfect body' that i'm not sure I even want anymore, but i'm still not eating to piss my councillors off. I hate them. I think everyone does. Or no one. I'm thinking the latter, That's why I don't. I like to be different. It's kinda my thing.
So now you've got the low-down on my life, let me tell you the exact reason for me becoming the self-hating bitch I am...
"It's okay, just a dream. Go back to sleep baby"
Looking at him with frantic eyes I can just make out the softness to his facial expression, calming me down some. I snuggle back into his chest, nuzzling into the crook in his neck.
Even with the arms being tighter around me than before, I still can't help but stay awake for a while longer, him whispering to me sweet nothings into my ear, stroking my back occasionally. I do eventually fall back asleep, before him. He always stays awake to comfort me after my nightmares. One of the reasons I love him...
Okay STOP! this is not actualy what my life is like. No. The complete opposite in fact, this is just one of my little day-dreams that I wish will come true one day...
Yep, that's me. The Dreamer.
Dreaming that my life will get better. Dreaming that I have a prince charming out there somewhere. Dreaming that I wasn't such a dreamer.
But most of all dreaming that I wasn't stuck in this little place I like to call hell.
Also known as the Greenvitch Clinic For The Unbalanced.
+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+
It all started last year, when my life was bearable. Not perfect, not decent even, but bearable. I suppose the reason for that is because I was only 13, and at 13 there isn't such a need to be perfect and definitely not a problem with self-conscious issues. But the day I fell into year nine, it all changed...
Okay, I was going to go into another day-dream there but I kindly resisted to spare you the torture.
So, what was I saying? Ohyepright, year nine and all the perils it brought with it.
So when you leave the comfort of year eight and launch head first into the next one you don't think it'll be you worst nightmare right? Wrong. Sure you still have all your friends and what not, but it's not them, it's everyone else that have changed. They all start bitching and getting boyfriends when you're just there, alone and self-conscious.
That's when I began to think as myself as fat and starving myself for the perfect body.
Though it didn't work at first (what can i say? I like my food!) it did eventually. And eventually my family started paying attention to me not eating. Well, when I say family I mean the mess that lives in my household- a marriage consisting of two workaholics that's falling apart, a sister that spends her nights getting high then selling herself on the streets of Connecticut and me- enough said. So they sent me away to this god-forsaken-place (that is actualy a five star clinic, but lets just pretend you didn't hear that) away from everything. Well, It was actualy more like nothing; I was glad to get away from that school! My so called 'friends' had become more my worst enemies armed with my secrets.
So off I get shipped down the road and through the forest to somewhere I can't pronounce to get better. Oh yeah, did I mention that i'm anorexic? Yes, that's right. I still am, and plan on being until I decide otherwise, starving myself for that 'perfect body' that i'm not sure I even want anymore, but i'm still not eating to piss my councillors off. I hate them. I think everyone does. Or no one. I'm thinking the latter, That's why I don't. I like to be different. It's kinda my thing.
So now you've got the low-down on my life, let me tell you the exact reason for me becoming the self-hating bitch I am...