I Haven't Got A Problem, I Just Don't Eat.
Chapter Two
Well you see, it was kind of my best friend that ruined my life. Okay, if we're being technical it was me, but who even does that anymore? And why would I blame myself? So I blame her. Its not actually her fault exactly, she didn't do anything. Except be so goddamn skinny and pretty.
She's perfect. You know at every school there's that one girl who everyone is jealous of? Yeah, that was my best friend. But as if being beautiful wasn't enough, the cow had to be a really nice person as well. Stupid bitch.
I know what you're thinking, how can I hate someone with a passion that I've been best friends with for 4 years? But if you were me, you would too.
Okay, so here is what she did. I'll make a list for you.
1. She always acted as if she understood.
2. She could never understand because she was the perfect size, shape and had perfect features.
3. She didn't stick up for me when the rest of our group turned on me.
4. She had a steady boyfriend.
5. She came from a rich, traditional family.
6. She loved her family.
7. She has a better name. (Claudia .V. Maddy. You do the math. Of course Maddy wins.)
8. She's an overall better person than me.
9. She's way more gorgeous than me.
10. She was always better at everything than me. Except for art. She couldn't draw for shit.
There we go. I rounded it up into a nice ten for you. Your welcome.
And before you think it no, I am not jealous of her.
Okay maybe a little bit. Okay maybe a lot. BUT AREN'T YOU?
Of course you are. No body's as flawless as her.
So I suppose the actual reason I stopped eating was the fact that I knew I could never be beautiful, so I'd have the perfect body instead. Although my perception of the perfect body is three and a half stone, well so what! I can be messed up if I want to.
But i'm not THAT messed up. I ate sometimes. Like, twice a week. Which is better than some people. Now I never eat though, this stupid clinic keeps putting me in isolation unless I eat. HELLO RETARDS! IT'S CALLED PUKING IT ALL UP AFTERWARDS! Dip shits.
I take it you want the exact reason right? Thought so. So the day I realized that I needed to change was the twelfth of January. Exactly two years to this day. It all started when me, Maddy and Joe (her boyfriend) were sitting in a deserted hallway of school and all was fine and dandy, then them two started kissing.
All I said at the time was "ew guys, I'd like to live my life without any childhood scarring please" but what I was thinking is that i'm 14 and I've never had a boyfriend, been kissed or even had a guy friend. And that I was such a loser.
So that's when I began to believe that if I got skinny enough I'd have guys that would want to talk to me, even some that would ask me out perhaps.
But it didnt quite work out that way.
Instead I became the freak who doesn't eat. I got attention from the male population of our school alright, but not the kind I wanted.
The guys were worse than the gals. They would throw food at me, laugh at me and call me names. Whereas the girls would just point at me and whisper silly little things to their friends.
I soon stopped going to school, just going to the woods outside of town to climb a tree. I wouldn't smoke, I hate that habit, I'd just think. And occasionally cut to make my body hurt, to tell it that I hate it for what its made me become, if it wasn't so fat I wouldn't be in this situation.
It was because of the cuts that my parents discovered about my eating disorder. I wasn't stupid though, I did it on my thigh. But one time I got carried away and cut all the way down my leg. My parents saw and asked what happened. I told them nothing. They said it was something. I got angry and started shouting at them to leave me alone and told them that if they don't care then don't ask. They got mad and shouted back. We had a big long argument in which I let it slip that of course they don't care because if they did care they would see that I don't eat anymore. Then the tears came. Then this pathetic clinic came.
They sent me to a therapist first, who suggested I go to a clinic because I obviously had 'problems' that needed monitoring twenty-four-seven or else I could put myself in 'real danger' by 'harming myself'. She didnt know what she was going on about obviously. Like some stupid prison-wannabe place could control me.
So that's the story of how I got sent to to Greenvitch Clinic For The Unbalanced. Enjoy reading about it? Well you'll love what happened next.
She's perfect. You know at every school there's that one girl who everyone is jealous of? Yeah, that was my best friend. But as if being beautiful wasn't enough, the cow had to be a really nice person as well. Stupid bitch.
I know what you're thinking, how can I hate someone with a passion that I've been best friends with for 4 years? But if you were me, you would too.
Okay, so here is what she did. I'll make a list for you.
1. She always acted as if she understood.
2. She could never understand because she was the perfect size, shape and had perfect features.
3. She didn't stick up for me when the rest of our group turned on me.
4. She had a steady boyfriend.
5. She came from a rich, traditional family.
6. She loved her family.
7. She has a better name. (Claudia .V. Maddy. You do the math. Of course Maddy wins.)
8. She's an overall better person than me.
9. She's way more gorgeous than me.
10. She was always better at everything than me. Except for art. She couldn't draw for shit.
There we go. I rounded it up into a nice ten for you. Your welcome.
And before you think it no, I am not jealous of her.
Okay maybe a little bit. Okay maybe a lot. BUT AREN'T YOU?
Of course you are. No body's as flawless as her.
So I suppose the actual reason I stopped eating was the fact that I knew I could never be beautiful, so I'd have the perfect body instead. Although my perception of the perfect body is three and a half stone, well so what! I can be messed up if I want to.
But i'm not THAT messed up. I ate sometimes. Like, twice a week. Which is better than some people. Now I never eat though, this stupid clinic keeps putting me in isolation unless I eat. HELLO RETARDS! IT'S CALLED PUKING IT ALL UP AFTERWARDS! Dip shits.
I take it you want the exact reason right? Thought so. So the day I realized that I needed to change was the twelfth of January. Exactly two years to this day. It all started when me, Maddy and Joe (her boyfriend) were sitting in a deserted hallway of school and all was fine and dandy, then them two started kissing.
All I said at the time was "ew guys, I'd like to live my life without any childhood scarring please" but what I was thinking is that i'm 14 and I've never had a boyfriend, been kissed or even had a guy friend. And that I was such a loser.
So that's when I began to believe that if I got skinny enough I'd have guys that would want to talk to me, even some that would ask me out perhaps.
But it didnt quite work out that way.
Instead I became the freak who doesn't eat. I got attention from the male population of our school alright, but not the kind I wanted.
The guys were worse than the gals. They would throw food at me, laugh at me and call me names. Whereas the girls would just point at me and whisper silly little things to their friends.
I soon stopped going to school, just going to the woods outside of town to climb a tree. I wouldn't smoke, I hate that habit, I'd just think. And occasionally cut to make my body hurt, to tell it that I hate it for what its made me become, if it wasn't so fat I wouldn't be in this situation.
It was because of the cuts that my parents discovered about my eating disorder. I wasn't stupid though, I did it on my thigh. But one time I got carried away and cut all the way down my leg. My parents saw and asked what happened. I told them nothing. They said it was something. I got angry and started shouting at them to leave me alone and told them that if they don't care then don't ask. They got mad and shouted back. We had a big long argument in which I let it slip that of course they don't care because if they did care they would see that I don't eat anymore. Then the tears came. Then this pathetic clinic came.
They sent me to a therapist first, who suggested I go to a clinic because I obviously had 'problems' that needed monitoring twenty-four-seven or else I could put myself in 'real danger' by 'harming myself'. She didnt know what she was going on about obviously. Like some stupid prison-wannabe place could control me.
So that's the story of how I got sent to to Greenvitch Clinic For The Unbalanced. Enjoy reading about it? Well you'll love what happened next.