The Slut Survival Guide
two.
Secret #2: All boys want is sex. Your boy isn't special. He wants it too.
I threw myself back onto Valerie's bed, my head full with the story. "And it's like, I was you, Cathy. I made out with Sven and hooked up with four guys who were all amazingly hot," I gushed, wishing that what I said was real and not just a re-telling of my dream last night.
Cathy looked down at the floor. "Yeah, can we not mention Sven for a little while?" she asked, brushing a lock of wavy black hair out of her tanned face.
Valerie gave me a puzzled look, and I shook my head as if to say, I don't know what happened either. "What's up?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "We hooked up last night," she said.
"That's good, though!" Valerie exclaimed.
Cathy continued shaking her head, a little more vigorously this time. "I asked him afterward if he saw this going anywhere. I mean, I actually like him." She began to play with her manicure, avoiding eye contact.
"And he said...," I prompted.
"He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and that's why he hooked up with me," Cathy said, her voice going bitter towards the end.
"Ouch," said Valerie, sitting up a little straighter. "But if it makes you feel any better, my date didn't go much better."
Cathy looked at her with a sympathetic gaze. "What happened to you?" she asked, reaching out a hand to grab Valerie's.
Valerie scoffed, squeezing Cathy's hand. "Men are all the same," she began. "We had a nice dinner and then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. His parents weren't home and I told him yes, but that I wasn't in the mood to do anything. He said it was okay, that we could just talk some more and maybe watch a movie."
Cathy and I nodded, willing her to continue.
"But when we got there," she said, "he was all over me. I mean, I'm fine with hooking up, if it's predetermined, but this wasn't and I really was not in the mood. So I tried to push him off, and he reaches for my pants, right? Yeah, he starts unzipping them and telling me to calm down, that it'll be fine." She scoffed again. "The nerve."
Cathy raised both her eyebrows. "Shit, what a douche bag," she agreed.
Valerie rolled her eyes. "I hate men. Tanya, you're so lucky that you don't date."
I turned my head towards her and looked her straight in the eye. "Don't date?" I articulated each consonant.
"Yeah," said Valerie. "No drama, no mess...I wish I was you."
I started to laugh. "Are you kidding me? I would kill to get guys like you! I'm just not that pretty!"
Valerie and Cathy shook their heads and disagreed with me. Although it's necessary for friends to do that, inside, I knew they were thanking their lucky stars that they didn't look like me. They were both insanely gorgeous; I was pretty at best.
"I really wish I could be like you guys, just for a while," I mused, sitting up. "I want to hook up with random guys! I want to date men and then have sex with them afterward!"
Valerie giggled and Cathy patted my head. "Sweetie, it's not that hard," she said, smirking. Her eyes glazed over, and she looked at me. "How would you feel about doing a sort of...social experiment?"
I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Well...Valerie and I have been mistreated by so many guys. It's about time someone plays the game like they do," she snarled, standing up. "Valerie and I could teach you. We could write you a book!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together in excitement.
"Wait...why would I need it? A book about what?" I asked, looking from Cathy to Valerie.
"How to be a slut, of course!" She yelled, a huge grin spreading on her face.
Valerie's grin soon matched Cathy's. "Tanya, it would such a cool idea!"
"Wait, what am I doing? Being a slut?" I cried, shaking my head in utter disbelief.
"Yes!" They chorused.
Cathy jumped up, pacing back and forth around Valerie's room. "You want to be a slut, right?" She began, looking me in the eye.
"I mean, not a total slut but-," I began, but Cathy cut me off.
"And you want to meet boys, right?"
"I guess, but-"
"And you want to help your friends get back at every dick who has ever hurt them, right?"
I sighed, exasperated, and tried once more to stop her. "Yes, Cathy, but -"
She held up a hand, silencing me. "Then it's settled. This weekend, Valerie and I will write you a book. A book with tips on how to be a slut. On how to do what we do," she explained, grinning wickedly at me. "You'll have your fun, and we'll get back at the male population."
Valerie smiled. "Men love nothing more than a woman who has no interest in them. That's why they love sluts so much. They're an easy score that never comes back to nag them about their three-month anniversary."
"So true," Cathy agreed.
"So...in turn, they will fall for me?" I asked.
"Completely," Valerie assured me.
I sighed. "So...I make-out with a lot of guys, have sex with a few...and that's it?"
Cathy nodded. "That's it. And you'll get that messy first time out of the way, and everything."
"Wait...my first time will be with a random hookup?" I asked, wary. "I'm really not sure I like that."
Although this slut idea appealed to me, I was always an utter romantic. I had always imagined my first time to be special. I wanted it to be with someone I loved, as cliche as that sounded. The regret of losing your virginity to someone who was sub-par seemed like too much for me to handle. I looked up at Cathy. "Do I really have to?"
"My first time was with a hookup," she assured me. "So was Val's. No one has sex for love anymore," she added, looking at me as if I was the stupidest person alive.
I stared at the ground. "I mean...I don't know...," I mumbled.
"Do it," Valerie urged.
Cathy ferociously nodded her head. "Do it, Tanya."
I sighed, looking at my two best friends. Maybe it was time for me to loosen up just a little. "Okay, but I'm making a huge mistake," I muttered.
A monstrous grin spread across Cathy's face. She leaped up and pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you, Tanya. I promise, you'll see the good in this someday. And don't you want Steven to hear of how much of a hot girl you are, and how much ass you get, while he sits at home and plays Warcraft?"
I pondered this for a moment, knowing perfectly well that reputations carry very far. Even though Steven did not go to my school, I knew he would hear of me somehow. Everyone knew of Cathy and Valerie, so eventually they would know of me, too.
"Okay. I'll do it," I said.
I threw myself back onto Valerie's bed, my head full with the story. "And it's like, I was you, Cathy. I made out with Sven and hooked up with four guys who were all amazingly hot," I gushed, wishing that what I said was real and not just a re-telling of my dream last night.
Cathy looked down at the floor. "Yeah, can we not mention Sven for a little while?" she asked, brushing a lock of wavy black hair out of her tanned face.
Valerie gave me a puzzled look, and I shook my head as if to say, I don't know what happened either. "What's up?" I asked her.
She shook her head. "We hooked up last night," she said.
"That's good, though!" Valerie exclaimed.
Cathy continued shaking her head, a little more vigorously this time. "I asked him afterward if he saw this going anywhere. I mean, I actually like him." She began to play with her manicure, avoiding eye contact.
"And he said...," I prompted.
"He said he wasn't looking for anything serious and that's why he hooked up with me," Cathy said, her voice going bitter towards the end.
"Ouch," said Valerie, sitting up a little straighter. "But if it makes you feel any better, my date didn't go much better."
Cathy looked at her with a sympathetic gaze. "What happened to you?" she asked, reaching out a hand to grab Valerie's.
Valerie scoffed, squeezing Cathy's hand. "Men are all the same," she began. "We had a nice dinner and then he asked if I wanted to go back to his place. His parents weren't home and I told him yes, but that I wasn't in the mood to do anything. He said it was okay, that we could just talk some more and maybe watch a movie."
Cathy and I nodded, willing her to continue.
"But when we got there," she said, "he was all over me. I mean, I'm fine with hooking up, if it's predetermined, but this wasn't and I really was not in the mood. So I tried to push him off, and he reaches for my pants, right? Yeah, he starts unzipping them and telling me to calm down, that it'll be fine." She scoffed again. "The nerve."
Cathy raised both her eyebrows. "Shit, what a douche bag," she agreed.
Valerie rolled her eyes. "I hate men. Tanya, you're so lucky that you don't date."
I turned my head towards her and looked her straight in the eye. "Don't date?" I articulated each consonant.
"Yeah," said Valerie. "No drama, no mess...I wish I was you."
I started to laugh. "Are you kidding me? I would kill to get guys like you! I'm just not that pretty!"
Valerie and Cathy shook their heads and disagreed with me. Although it's necessary for friends to do that, inside, I knew they were thanking their lucky stars that they didn't look like me. They were both insanely gorgeous; I was pretty at best.
"I really wish I could be like you guys, just for a while," I mused, sitting up. "I want to hook up with random guys! I want to date men and then have sex with them afterward!"
Valerie giggled and Cathy patted my head. "Sweetie, it's not that hard," she said, smirking. Her eyes glazed over, and she looked at me. "How would you feel about doing a sort of...social experiment?"
I raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"
"Well...Valerie and I have been mistreated by so many guys. It's about time someone plays the game like they do," she snarled, standing up. "Valerie and I could teach you. We could write you a book!" she exclaimed, clapping her hands together in excitement.
"Wait...why would I need it? A book about what?" I asked, looking from Cathy to Valerie.
"How to be a slut, of course!" She yelled, a huge grin spreading on her face.
Valerie's grin soon matched Cathy's. "Tanya, it would such a cool idea!"
"Wait, what am I doing? Being a slut?" I cried, shaking my head in utter disbelief.
"Yes!" They chorused.
Cathy jumped up, pacing back and forth around Valerie's room. "You want to be a slut, right?" She began, looking me in the eye.
"I mean, not a total slut but-," I began, but Cathy cut me off.
"And you want to meet boys, right?"
"I guess, but-"
"And you want to help your friends get back at every dick who has ever hurt them, right?"
I sighed, exasperated, and tried once more to stop her. "Yes, Cathy, but -"
She held up a hand, silencing me. "Then it's settled. This weekend, Valerie and I will write you a book. A book with tips on how to be a slut. On how to do what we do," she explained, grinning wickedly at me. "You'll have your fun, and we'll get back at the male population."
Valerie smiled. "Men love nothing more than a woman who has no interest in them. That's why they love sluts so much. They're an easy score that never comes back to nag them about their three-month anniversary."
"So true," Cathy agreed.
"So...in turn, they will fall for me?" I asked.
"Completely," Valerie assured me.
I sighed. "So...I make-out with a lot of guys, have sex with a few...and that's it?"
Cathy nodded. "That's it. And you'll get that messy first time out of the way, and everything."
"Wait...my first time will be with a random hookup?" I asked, wary. "I'm really not sure I like that."
Although this slut idea appealed to me, I was always an utter romantic. I had always imagined my first time to be special. I wanted it to be with someone I loved, as cliche as that sounded. The regret of losing your virginity to someone who was sub-par seemed like too much for me to handle. I looked up at Cathy. "Do I really have to?"
"My first time was with a hookup," she assured me. "So was Val's. No one has sex for love anymore," she added, looking at me as if I was the stupidest person alive.
I stared at the ground. "I mean...I don't know...," I mumbled.
"Do it," Valerie urged.
Cathy ferociously nodded her head. "Do it, Tanya."
I sighed, looking at my two best friends. Maybe it was time for me to loosen up just a little. "Okay, but I'm making a huge mistake," I muttered.
A monstrous grin spread across Cathy's face. She leaped up and pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you, Tanya. I promise, you'll see the good in this someday. And don't you want Steven to hear of how much of a hot girl you are, and how much ass you get, while he sits at home and plays Warcraft?"
I pondered this for a moment, knowing perfectly well that reputations carry very far. Even though Steven did not go to my school, I knew he would hear of me somehow. Everyone knew of Cathy and Valerie, so eventually they would know of me, too.
"Okay. I'll do it," I said.