Raynkieardkeyob

Lyn-Z’s POV:
We all walked into their tour bus – we wouldn’t let them go home with us… sounds harsh, but better for them than sleeping in the dog house. I’m being serious. I knew Gerard would scare the living holy crosses out of our next door neighbours virgin asses if they saw him in the dog house with make up.
They don’t approve of him – the last time they saw him, they tried to baptise him and they always seem to throw water when he’s in the backyard. Holy water to be exact. Or piss? Apparently it’s the whole new rage with Madonna around.

“Okay, so girls tell me what you have?” I asked, pulling out my own supplies. Eggs, tampons, g-strings and duct tape. I saw Krista pull out some bread crumbs, honey and red dye. Okay not a bad start. Alicia pulled out Bleach blonde hair dye, itching powder and ‘Clag’ glue. And then we came to Jamia.

“Jamia,” Her bag was massive, so massive Mary Poppins would have to settle for second place and most probably housed all forms of torture. “Please tell me you don’t have weapons of mass destruction in there – looks like you’ll have everything else anyway.”
Her bag dropped on the floor, sending earthquake waves all the way to Tokyo and back. Jesus, I don’t want to know what’s in there.
She got on her knees and opened the bag, I saw something shiny. She first pulled out some scissors – the ones that you use in preschool – a glue stick, and…glitter?

“What are you gonna do Jamia, make Arts’n’Crafts with them?” Alicia burst out laughing. Her chewing gum went flying – into the pot of coffee 12 feet away from her. She ignored the fact, and kept laughing, only stopping when she accidentally oinked like a pig.

“Charming, Alicia. Charming.” Krista made a face. Jamia kept on pulling out things one by one. Hedge clippers, a butcher’s knife, fire crackers, gun powder… and a sledge hammer? She stopped as did everyone else before her.
I think she may have gotten the wrong idea with the words, ‘Let’s make them suffer.’ I meant some salt in the coffee or itching powder in their clothes, but…a /sledge hammer/?

“You do realise we are having FRIENDLY pranks?” Krista asked pointedly, picking up what looked like a mace, okay where the flipping hell would you get a damn mace? What did Jamia DO – rob a museum?
She smiled, reached her hand in one more time and pulled out some tightly wrapped… something.

“Wh - What is that?” I said looking at the plastic bag in pure horror just as if I saw Michael Myers staring at me from the other side of the bus. She opened up the bag. Oh. My. Fucking. God. I felt the acidic food come up through my throat about to bust but I didn’t. I held my breath.

“It’s my own special recipe of calamari, 4 day old eggs, burnt hair and nails, and rotten asparagus. Honestly, how I come up with this.” She giggled pleasedly. 

“Yeah you’re a sick freak of nature… oops I meant the PARANORMAL!” Jamia shot a look at me.
/Okay, too far Lyn-Z, just let it go, she’s got the “I’m gonna grab your tongue and pull it out till all out guts follow through with it and then I’ll bake them into a lovely bladder pie and make you eat it” look on her face. Okay I really need to stop talking to myself now./

“Shall we start?” I said avoiding contact with her eyes.

“Okay! I’ll start by putting fire crackers into Gerard’s smokes and then I’ll - -”

“Jamia that’s a bit dange –”

“DON’T INTERRUPT ME!” she yelled. Then back to nice Jamia, saying sweetly, “Anyway, and then I’ll put gun powder in his smokes… whatever does the job best. Or whatever kills him the most painfully.” She said the last part in a whisper. Probably hoping the rest of us wouldn’t hear and try to stop her. I figured this was about as far as I’d let her go.

“Okay, I don’t want Gerard dead.”
She ignored me.

“And then we could put a sledge hammers in this cupboard and when they open it - NO! We’ll put it at the door of the tour bus and when they open it…WHAM! Right to the face!” She was jumping up and down excitedly, grabbing all of her equipment.

“Jamia, sweetie…we want to embarrass them – not kill them.” Krista always had a way with words.

“So no sledge hammers?”
“No.”
“What about hedge clippers.”
“N- No sweetie.”
“But that’s no fun.” Jamia slumped down disappointedly.
“Do something that won’t kill them, like glue on the bathroom doors so they have no access to the toilet or…”
“Good idea by the way.” Alicia popped in whilst placing eggs inside’s Bob shoes.
“Thank you dear, or even like… take all their underwear away or –”
“Castrate them?” She said hopefully, brandishing her hedge clippers in joyful violence.
“Yes…NO! NO! No castrating!”
“But – but”
“No buts!”

I then saw Jamia moving straight to Gerard’s shampoo and putting Blonde hair dye and bread crumbs in it, Alicia was on the other side trying not to do another bulimia act whilst she was putting some of the disgusting…’stuff’ Jamia brought into the toothpaste bottle.
I was in the bedrooms. I swapped all of Ray’s and Bob’s undies with g-strings. Then, I took out most of Mikey, Gerard, and Frank’s undies, and cut holes in the rest of them where their respective clutch sticks would usually rest in a hammock of silk and cotton.
Krista had about twenty tampons dipped in red dye, which she placed strategically through the bathroom. And some, she gave to me, and I put one under Gerard’s pillow, a couple in Ray’s shoes, one just under Mikey’s bed, and the rest in Bob’s underwear drawer, cleverly hidden amongst the g-strings.
We shared a grin, both thinking how the boys wouldn’t know the difference from the real thing, just like they wouldn’t know Britney Spears from a transvestite.
Coffee thankfully got passed around as our last shenanigans got finished. This was good coffee, fresh from Starbucks, not tainted by Alicia’s pink cherry bubblegum.
I went to the shower and tried to adjust the shower head so when they turned it on, only burning hot water would come out.

“You got a spanner or something Jamia?”

“A spanner won’t do the job! You need a 3.4 heavy head wrench!” She said joyfully, much like a TV announcer advertising a 3.4 heavy head wrench, as she took one out of her bag and passed it to me.

“It scares me that you know that.”

“Jamia you want more coffee?” Krista popped her head through the door, holding a tray with two lattes on it – the only ones we hadn’t finished.

“Does Pavarotti want another doughnut?”

“I’ll take that as a yes.”

“Okay this is it! We’re done!” Alicia yelled excitedly, getting off her knees.

“Hold on.” Jamia ran out of the bus and came back in with two handfuls of dirt clutched in her small grasping hands. She put one handful in the coffee pot – where Alicia’s gum had sunk to the bottom – and placed the rest in the actual machine. I spied some well-disguised pebbles in the dirt. Evil that girl is. Brian would probably kill one of the guys for breaking the new coffee machine. I grinned. It cost him like $400 to get one this nice.

“Okay done!”
We all walked out, not leaving a trace behind, special girl thing, I guess. Now, for the game of wait, the worst part of it all.