If Only She Knew

I've gotta feel you in my bones again; I'm all over you, I'm not over you...

I was in my room, sitting on my bed listening to All Over You by the Spill Canvas. I was just staring into one space with a lot of things in my head. My heart felt heavy, and I think if I moved an inch from where I was, it could fall right down to the ground.

I'm feeling guilty for breaking up with Kim so I could be with Demi. But, I had to, or else I could kiss my career goodbye. You see, Demi and I aren't really dating for real; we're just posing as a couple so that when Camp Rock 2 gets released, people would be interested to see it. I'm pretty sure a lot of people would. It was just the idea of our managers to link us romantically with each other. Basically, everything's a publicity stunt to make us more relevant.

I could have just kept the whole thing from Kim, but, either way, she'll know, and it would even hurt her more. I guess it was just better to tell her than truth than make her smile with a lie. It wasn't easy for me to break-up with Kim. I still couldn't forget that day at the park. When I was walking away, she hugged me like she never wanted to let me go. That felt good, but the same time, it hurt me, because I know I wouldn't feel any hugs like that anymore.

As the song continued to play, I only thought of Kim more. The way her eyes would light up when she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she held my hand... everything she does, or used to do with and to me just entered into my mind. I missed her.

Suddenly, my thoughts vanished when I heard a knock on the door.

"Joseph, please turn your music down," I heard my mom say from outside.

I grabbed the stereo's remote, and turned the volume down. "I turned it down."

"Thank you," she replied.

I sighed. I really wanted hear Kim's voice.

Before I even knew what I was doing, I was grabbing my phone from the table in front of me, and dialed Kim's number. Even though we broke-up, I still couldn't find enough courage to delete her from my contacts list; I even had her number on speed dial. This is the only way I can communicate with her.

Her phone rang about a million times. It stopped, and then I was greeted by her answering machine.

Hey, it's Kim. I'm busy right now, so I can't really answer your call. Anyway, leave me a message and let me get back to you.

I smirked at the sound of her voice. For a minute there, I almost forgot that I was on answering machine.

"Uh, hey, Kim? Are you there?" I sighed. "If you are, please, pick up. I know you really don't want to talk to me right now, but... I just want to hear your voice. I miss you."

After that, I hanged up. I didn't even bother to leave my name, because I knew Kim would recognize my voice. I put my phone inside my pocket, remembering that I needed to go to Demi's house to watch some chick flicks with her. I fixed my hair, and walked towards the door. I was shocked to see Nick leaning against the doorway.

"You miss Kim, huh?" Nick said smugly. He even had a smirk on his lips to match it.

I rolled my eyes and felt my cheeks blush. "Yeah, so what if I do?"

Nick's smirk turned into a smile. "It means that you still love her. Dude, I say break-up with Demi. I was with Kim a few hours ago, and man, she looked like a total wreck. She's miserable without you."

"You were with Kim?" I said, my eyes widening.

Nick nodded. "Yeah. She was all alone in Coffee Bean. I went in and joined her."

I sighed. "You know my career will be ruined if I broke up with Demi."

"Do you really think that your career is more important? Joe, you pushed away someone who could love you forever." Nick said quite harshly.

I glared at him. "You don't know how it feels to be in my situation, Nick. Now could you please move away? I have to go to Demi's."

Nick rolled his eyes, but moved out of the way anyway. As I walked away from him, I couldn't help but think about the things he's just said. Nick has always been the smart one, even though he's younger than me. It's not like I chose to be famous over my relationship with Kim, it's just that I'm stuck, and if I didn't agree to be with Demi, everything I've worked for will be all gone.

As I got inside my car, my phone started ringing. It was Demi.

"Joe, you promised you would be here, and you're five minutes late. Where are you?" She complained, and she seemed to sound impatient.

I sighed. "Sorry. I'll be there. I'm already on my way."

"Okay, be careful. Love you," She told me, her voice returning to its cheerful tone again.

"Love you too," I replied, and hang up.

I put the keys in the ignition, and roared the car's engine to life. I drove it out of the garage, and started driving to Demi's house. I can't believe how Demi could be so paranoid.

I didn't even know what love is anymore.