If Only She Knew

It was already eleven in the evening, and yet I was still awake, staring at my cellphone's screen. There, it said that I had a missed call... from Joe. He called a few hours ago, and even though I was doing nothing, I didn't bother to answer his call, and allowed my answering machine to answer it for me instead. As I stared at my phone, I regretted the fact that I didn't talked to him; I miss his voice.

I sighed. The pain that I thought subsided a few hours ago came back. My chest was heavy. Even though we're not together anymore, I didn't bother to erase his number from my phone. It's not that I didn't want to delete it, it's just... I couldn't, and I don't know why.

Suddenly, I heard someone coming in the room. It was Lauren. She spends way too much time in school, that she ends up coming home late.

"Good thing you're still awake, I have some chocolates!" She said in a cheerful tone as she put the Hershey and Cadbury bars on the bed, and jumped in to sit beside me.

I smirked at her and put my phone down on the bed. "Thanks."

She gave me a hug. "Anytime."

I sighed, and took a Hershey bar. I opened it, and took a bite. "So, how was school for you today?"

"Same old, same old. How about you? What did you do today?" She asked me.

"I went out with Nick," I told her as I swallowed the sweet chocolate.

"Don't tell me you're into his younger brother?" Her eyes widened.

I chuckled, and shook my head. "No, no, it's not what you think. I went to Coffee Bean, and then Nick saw me. We talked, and then after that, we had lunch."

"And that's all? Come on, tell me everything that happened to you today," She said, scooting closer to me.

I took my phone, and gave it to her. She smirked when she saw what was on the screen.

"He called and you didn't answer it?" She said, bringing my phone back to me.

I put it on the bed, and continued to munch on the chocolate bar. I nodded. "Why would I answer it anyway?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't give me that 'I don't care about him anymore' attitude. You know you still love him, Kim. You'd walk through hell for him."

I sighed. "I am walking through hell right now, and that's because he made me. And besides, I don't really even care if I'm alone now."

She groaned. "Stop quoting Say Anything songs, Kim."

I laughed humorlessly. "You started it with the whole 'walking through hell thing', Lauren."

Lauren sighed. "Okay, fine. But just remember, you can't deny what you feel."

I looked down, and just took a bite from the chocolate bar. I chose not to reply to her, because I know I'll only say something negative and scream at her, or maybe burst into tears again. And I don't want to do or feel those things.

Lauren got off me and headed to the bathroom take a shower. I, on the other hand, finished eating the chocolate bar and decided to get out of the room and call Selena. I hope she's still awake.

I met Selena through Demi. I never got the chance to really talk to Selena, because Demi was always the one hanging out with me, and she tried so hard not to let Selena get close to me - I didn't understand why though. And then I personally got the chance to get Selena better when Nick and her started dating, and she and Demi weren't hanging out too much anymore. Whenever Joe and I had dates, Nick would bring Selena along, just like a double date. I just don't understand them; one time, they'll be all over each other, and the next thing I know, they broke-up. I really have to ask Selena about that.

I made it to the living room, and sat on the couch. I dialed Selena's number. Her phone rang three times before she answered it. Yeah, she's still awake.

"Hey, Kim! You called, finally!" She said, sounding really happy to receive my call.

I smirked. "Yeah. I missed you."

"Aww, I missed you too. Still trying to move on from Joe I bet?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said, looking at my fingernails. I frowned when I saw that my cuticles were growing back.

Selena sighed. "You know what I think? We should totally go out for a trip to the salon. What do you say?"

Considering the fact that I haven't gotten pampered for months, and I needed a new manicure, I decided to accept Selena's offer. "I say we should."

"Great. Does tomorrow sound good? Selena asked.

I smirked once again. "Yeah. It's perfect."

She giggled. "Okay. I'll drop by your house tomorrow at ten. Bye!"

"Bye,"

And then we hang up. I think going out to the salon with Selena tomorrow is a great idea, because usually, it's a treatment you can give yourself when you just got out of a break-up. Break-ups can really make you nasty and ugly.

I went to the kitchen and drank water before going back to mine and Lauren's room. Lauren was at her desk again, writing something. I gave her a hug from behind, and she looked up at me with a smile. I let her go, and walked towards my bed. I placed my phone on the nightstand, and went to bed.

I stared outside my window. The moon was in its crescent form, and the stars were glittering on the pitch black night sky. I smirked, and closed my eyes. I took a deep breath, and prepared myself if I have another dream about Joe.