The Other Dibenedetto Girl

It was early morning when I woke up in Jimmy’s house. The sun had just risen up, which made yellow rays of sunlight pour down into my room. I looked at the clock to read “9:24am”. I laid face-up in my bed, looking at the dark purple ceiling and tried to make myself wake up. It took me a while to realize what today was.

My mother’s funeral.

Today would be the day that I walk onto a graveyard and watch my mother be slowly lowered into the ground. I would hear the sound of her friends and relatives sniffing and patting their eyes with tissue papers; the droning sound of the priest as he spoke about my mother and hearing everyone speak about her, saying what a good woman she had been. It was not exactly my idea of a fine morning, but it was something I had to go through if I wanted to get out of here. I would much rather preferred staying here and mourning her in my own way. I knew Jimmy would have none of that. So, gradually, I rose from the comfort of my bed and ran a hand through my red strands; my body was still warm and felt worn down a bit. It took me a moment to get over my grogginess before heading to the bathroom, so I could shower and have some kind of breakfast.

My shower had been just as relaxing as the one last night, and my mind still wandered like it did all the time. Would I cry at the funeral? Probably not. Would anyone acknowledge that I was there? Maybe. Would they ask me to speak? I hoped not. It would not be that I had nothing good to say about her-because I was sure I could find something-but because I would be standing in front of all those people and have to think of things off the top of my head. If I’m lucky, people would forget about me and not ask me at all.

Once I went downstairs, I saw Jimmy sitting at the kitchen table with a large mug of coffee, his face serious and drowsy. I figured he was not used to waking up so early to go somewhere, and then I figured that he’s a rock star and they go on tours. So, he would have to wake up early at some point.

“Morning Jim,” I said to him, sitting next to him.

“Hey Mel,” He said, “Sleep well?”

“Yeah. The bed’s super comfy.”

He laughed, “Syn thinks the same thing whenever he sleeps in it.”

“Does he always sleep here? It sounds like he does.”

“Oh, he only stays when we’ve been drinking and he passed out,” He said, taking a sip from his coffee. “Do you want coffee or do you not drink that either?”

“Hey, don’t sass me young man,” I pointed a finger at him, “And yes, I drink coffee. You should know this.”

“I would if you were around more, but since you migrated east, I forgot some things,” He said, watching me get up to go get coffee. “Like that your favorite color is pink or that you like to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch, know almost every Michael Jackson by heart and you used to spend all day painting a new masterpiece rather than eat and sleep.”

“Oh yeah,” I said sarcastically, adding sugar to my cup, “You forgot so much.”

He laughed and continued to drink his coffee. When I joined him at the table again, “Where’s Leana?”

“Shower still probably,” He answered. “She likes to take her time in the shower. Says it’s really relaxing.”

“It is,” I smiled, taking a sip from my steaming cup.

There was a small silence before he looked at me again, “Do you remember what today is?”

“Saturday,” I joked.

“Melanie,” Jimmy said seriously, “You know what I’m talking about. Your mother’s funeral, it’s gonna be in a couple of hours and I think you should get ready.”

“Why now?”

“Because everyone knows girls take forever to get ready.”

“If I remember correctly, it took you half of an entire day to get ready for Prom.”

“Well,” He said in a mock-insulted voice, “Excuse me for wanting to be the bell of the ball.”

“Bell of the ball?”

“Yes. Even we men could be beautiful. I mean, look at Brian. He’s a gorgeous man.”

I laughed, and continued to drink my coffee. Then he spoke again, “Don’t tell me you don’t think Brian’s at least a little bit attractive.”

He wasn’t wrong. Remembering Brian for eleven years ago, and then seeing him now, his good looks had not changed much. He still had soft black hair and pretty brown eyes. He had managed to keep his athletic figure all these years; I assumed he still got all the girls.

“He is, but he has to be stupid to be in love with Michelle,” I commented.

“No he’s not. She’s not as bad as you think she is,”

“Then why is she such a bitch?”

“Most likely? She thinks that you’re a bitter little bitch and that you have no business being here because all you’re going to do is stir up trouble.”

That must have been true. Drinking my coffee, I thought about my sisters. They were complete opposites as for as I was concerned. Michelle treated me like crap and Valary was trying to be my friend. I knew-if I wanted to forgive them-I could become friends with them. I was sure everyone they know thought they were angels, but I would love to prove them wrong. I would love to tell Matt and Brian that their wife and fiancé had watched my father throw me against walls; smack me across the face; punch me wherever his fist landed; called me just about every bad name in the book and they would not lift a finger to oppose him. They were too scared to defend their own sister because he would hit them too. God forbid their pretty faces got bruised or cut like mine did.

“If it makes you feel any better,” Jimmy said, “I don’t think that about you. I know a lot has happened, and it makes you angry sometimes. I know it would take a long time for you forgive and forget because what happened to you was too traumatic and brutal to just put behind you. You have too many scars-insides and out-to just put all those times behind you. Everyone thinks that it is so easy to forget things like that, but I know that it’s not. They all think that you can easily become a happy person overnight; that you could erase everything that you went through. I have had some hard times too, a lot of shit nobody would believe, so I know it’s not easy, but it’s something you should consider.”

“What if I don’t want to? What if I want to be a bitter bitch the rest of my life?” I stared down at my cup of coffee to ignore his gaze.

“Then you’ll never experience how great life could be. You’ll never truly experience real love or what it’s like to have people love you. You’ll never know what it’s like to have friends who would do anything for you; have people who want you to stay and be happy.” His last words were soft. It had pulled at his heart a little bit.

“Life has never been kind. Love is even worse. I don’t think I want to experience either one, because they both have fucked me over when I tried to know them.”

“Love is only bad when we make bad choices. I’m sure if you talked to a certain rhythm guitarist, you could have someone help you be happy.”

I looked up at him, “I want that more than anything in the entire world.”

Jimmy smiled, and he would have said more if Leana had not walked in with her pretty bright smile. “Morning you two.”

“Morning Leana,” I said.

“How did you sleep last night?” She asked me, grabbing some coffee for herself.

“Good.”

My plain answer made her look at us both with a curious face. “What were you guys talking about just now?”

I hoped Jimmy would not tell her, but I was happy he was my friend when he looked up at his wife and said, “Her mom.”

“Oh, should I leave then? I understand this is a thing between you guys and I don’t wanna interrupt it.”

“No, it’s fine,” I said, looking back at her, “It’s over anyways.”

“Alright.” She did not smile as she said across from me and next to her husband. “I’m sorry about your mom, Melanie-“

“-You can call me ‘Mel’ if you want-“I told her, trying to change the subject.

“I think ‘Mellie’s more suitable,” She said.

“Mellie?” It sounded too girlie for me.

“Yeah, it’s cuter. More girlish.”

“You’ll get used to her calling everyone cute names,” Jimmy told me when he spotted my confused expression. “You should hear what she calls me.”

“Jimmy-Poo,” Leana smiled, kissing him sweetly.

Jimmy and I chuckled softly, and then Jimmy placed his cup on the table. “If you will excuse me ladies,” He stood up from the table, “I have somewhere else to be this morning.”

“What do you mean?” Leana asked. “You have to get ready for the funeral.”

“I know, but this is something special that I wanna do. I’ll be back in time, don’t worry.”

With that said Jimmy kissed Leana briefly and pecked the top of my head. I stared at Leana, who shrugged her shoulders at me. I believe at the moment we were both thinking the same thing: He’s a true mystery.

After a small breakfast of toast and coffee, I went upstairs to change. I took my time changing, since the funeral was not for another two hours and I knew it would not take that long for me to dress. I had a little trouble zipping up the top, but managed to work it myself incredibly. My make-up was simple: powder, mascara and eyeliner. My shoes were a bit uncomfortable at first, since I was not used to heels, but I knew I would get the hang of them after a while.

“Well, you look cute,” Leana said once she saw me.

Leana looked like she was going to a cocktail party rather than a funeral. She wore the typical black heels, with diamond necklace and white and black satin dress. I did not doubt that she looked pretty, but I felt awfully plain standing near her.

“I like the cardigan,” She pointed out, touching the fabric. “Where did you get it?”

“It was a present from this guy that liked me.” I wasn’t lying about this. Mark had really liked me-or so I thought-and he always went out and bought me nice things. Now, I see that it had just been a tactic to get into my pants. “I’m not really seeing him anymore though.”

“So, you kept everything he gave you?”

“Well, not everything. I threw most of the things out, but I liked this too much to let it go.”

I seemed to have a problem with letting things go…

”Baby! Mel! I’m back!”

The both of us went out into the hallway to find Jimmy standing near the music room. We received a whistle from him as he looked at us both. “Very nice, I like it.”

“Thank you,” Leana smiled widely.

“Where did you go?” I asked Jimmy.

“Somewhere.” He held onto Leana, “I needed to get something, so I went to that somewhere that I needed to go to get it.” I saw what he was trying to do, so I decided to play back.

“Mind telling us what it was that caused you to have to go to that somewhere to get that something?”

He laughed, “If I told where that somewhere was and what that something is, and then the something would not be the surprise that it is supposed to be.”

“But what if the someone this surprise is for does not want the surprise that is that something that you bought for that someone?”

“Well, then they’ll just have to deal with it.” Jimmy let go of Leana and he smiled, “Now, if you don’t mind ladies, I have a funeral to get ready for.”

He walked down the hall to his bedroom and shut the door. When I looked back to Leana, she had a questioning expression on her face.

“It’s a thing we do,” I tried to explain; “We try to confuse each other to see who gets confused by the other person’s sentence…It’s complicated I know.” I figured the confused look on her face told me she thought it was kind of weird. “Yes, we’re weird.”

“Well, I think its cute Jimmy has someone else to be weird with,” She said with a small smile.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Wanna watch TV downstairs?” She asked.

“Sure.”

We both walked downstairs to wait for Jimmy, even though we knew that it would be a while…

Why did it have to be so beautiful on such a depressing day? The bright sun shined its yellow rays on the perfectly green grass of the cemetery; the clouds resembled puffs of cotton someone had pasted on a large sky blue paper; there was a light breeze blowing through that made the frills on my cardigan blow in all directions. Everything just seemed so perfect, but we weren’t. It was like Mother Nature was mocking us with all her beauty so we could envy her. I sort of hated it as I walked beside Jimmy in the graveyard, seeing a funeral set up nearby underneath a large oak tree. I spotted my sisters right away: Valary in a halter dress while Michelle wore a strapless one. Most of the guys wore suits, but the one I liked the most was Zack’s.

I never knew what it was about him wearing a suit-or just plain dressing nice-that kind of turned me on sometimes. I was not sure if it was simply that the look suited him or that he was a million times more handsome in a suit-even though I thought that impossible-or the crazy fantasy I have of a business man mixed with my attraction to him. Whatever it was, I liked it.

“Hi Melanie,” Valary said solemnly, “How are you?”

“Okay,” It was the only thing I wanted to say, even though I was less than ‘okay’.

The casket stood over the ground, a nice shade of black (so typical) with silver handles. I had expected the casket to be open, but it wasn’t. I was glad because the last thing I wanted was to see my dead mother’s corpse lying inside a coffin. Michelle as usual, just looked at me with disdain then turned her head away. I wanted to hit her; for no reason, just to feel her cheek collide with my fist. It would feel good, and it would shut her up. I knew that she had been Daddy’s Little Girl a long time ago, but that gave her no reason to be a total bitch.

But, I chose to ignore her. For now, anyways…

“Hey Melanie,” I heard Zack’s voice from beside me.

When I looked at him up close like this, it reminded me of everything that had happened last night. I remembered the way his body had been so close to mine; how his hands felt holding mine; his lips being inches away from mine before Jimmy had come in. Then I remembered Brian’s question to Zack, and it tore at my heart a little. I knew I could just be taking this all wrong; that it could have been just a joke Brian had come up with or him taunting Zack’s feelings for me (if he had any). I figured someone like him would do that. I mean, he’s engaged to Michelle. Only someone like her can stand her.

“Hi,” I said, focusing my eyes on the casket in front of us.

“How have you been?”

“Alright. Yourself?”

“Fine.”

We both stood in an awkward silence that seemed to never go away. I wanted to say something to him about last night, but I was too nervous to say it. What if he got the wrong idea and thought I didn’t like him? I would never want him to think that, because then it would just lower my chances of being with him one day.

“Sorry about your mom,” He said to me. “She was a really nice lady.”

“Before or after the booze?”

“Stop it,” Jimmy-who had been beside me-nudged my side. “You promised you’d be nice.”

“I am being nice,” I whispered to him.

“Oh yeah, making fun of your dead mother is so nice,” He spoke sarcastically.

“Whatever.” I shifted myself a little closer to Zack and I kept speaking to him.

“I think we should talk about last night,” He started. “There’s something I’ve been waiting to tell you-“

“-Maybe later, Zack,” I said to him. “I don’t really wanna talk about it right now.”

“Oh.” I felt guilty when I caught the small tinge of disappointment in his voice when he said this, but he tried to change the subject. “How did you sleep last night?”

“Okay, the bed is really comfy.”

“Yeah, I’ve slept in it a couple of times,” He smiled a little bit. My heart thumped a little harder when I saw it.

“Passed out sleep or regular sleep?”

He chuckled, “Passed out sleep.”

I laughed with him, and I smiled a little more when I saw his smile. Of course, I pretended I hadn’t noticed it.

After a while, people started to come in their cars and walk down to the grave spot. There were a lot of people I did not know or had seen maybe once when they visited the house. Most of these strangers hugged Valary and Michelle because they were more well-known than me. I was kind of glad that no one talked to me, because I did not want any attention focused on me. This was my mother’s funeral, not mine.

Even though, sometimes I wish it were.

Despite the fact that the majority of the people ignored me, there was one man who stared at me from across the casket. He was tall, average build with graying brown hair that was balding at the top and a few wrinkles on his face. He wore an expensive-looking suit; black tie and I spotted a silver watch on his wrist. I figured he must have been one of my dad’s business partners back in the days and only came to this funeral out of respect for my mother. I stared back at this man for a couple of minutes; I noticed the face he gave me. It was not one of vacancy or curiosity, but he looked amazed, maybe even shocked. It kind of freaked me out.

I looked away from the man to Zack, but could still feel the man staring at me. “What’s wrong?” Zack asked.

“Nothing,” I lied.

When I felt that the man wasn’t looking at me anymore, I turned back. He was not gazing at me, but talking to a short woman with long black hair and too much make-up on. I figured she was his wife, and I felt bad for him for she seemed to be quietly scolding him for something. I was not sure.

When the ceremony started, it was exactly how I picture it: The priest saying a prayer for my mother, then talking about how her spirit will go on into heaven where she will be with God and Christ; my sisters both reading out speeches they had written about my mother, along with my mom’s sister and her closest friend (until the booze of course). They all said pretty much the same thing. They talked about how she was a good person despite her problems, that she had tried to better herself and that she loved everyone she knew. I saw people wiping away tears and giving a sniff or two. I had wanted to go up there and say that she was not such a good person if she let her husband beat her child, but decided that was not what these people wanted to hear.

Once the ceremony was over, people stared saying goodbye and going to their cars. Zack said he was gonna go and he would see me later so he could say whatever he wanted to say. I agreed, but I felt butterflies fill my stomach. What could he possibly want to tell me? I tried to think that he was going to pour out some long dramatic confession of his feelings for me and would result in us having passionate, steamy sex or that we’ll just have passionate steamy sex and skip all the bullshit. Then, I thought about it being the opposite. That he’ll explain that last night was a mistake and that it shouldn’t have happened. I was afraid to hear how he did not want me getting the wrong idea; that he did not like me that way, and that we were just friends.

My heart would completely shatter if that happened.

Jimmy and Leana told me they were going to stay a while to comfort my sisters, and I told them to take their time. Unlike me, they were Valary and Michelle’s friends, so it was natural that they would want to help them get through this. Waiting underneath the oak tree, I stood enjoying the light breeze and letting my mind wander into the clouds. Suddenly, a voice came from nearby.

“Excuse me.” It was the man who had been staring at me earlier. “Are you Melanie, by any chance?”

“Yes, I am. Who are you?”

He smiled widely, “I’m Rodney Chamberlain.” We shook hands.

“Nice to meet you, Rodney. I would introduce myself to you, but you seem to already know me.”

Rodney laughed and smiled widely, “You remind me of your mother, before the alcohol, I mean,” He quickly said the last part when he saw the annoyed look on my face. “She was a great woman. She and I had been friends for a long time.”

“Then, how come you’re the only one that remembers me? No one else seemed to.”

“Well, I have a good memory despite being so old,” He joked. “I saw you a couple of times when I came to visit your mother and father.”

“Hm,” I nodded.

“She really loved you,” He said softly. “She cared about you so much; even when she was drunk she cared. When you were smaller, she used to talk about you all the time to my wife.”

I was interested now, “What would she say?”

“Oh, little things. She would say how smart you were because you learned how to walk and talk to quickly; that you were the most beautiful baby in the world, since you had those pretty green eyes. She said that she would always love you because you were the first baby, and that your sisters had been nothing like you.”

I smiled a little. “I never knew that.”

“Well, now you do. You were an adorable baby, and even cuter when you were a toddler.”

“Wait,” I said, “If you were such good friends with my mom, then how come I never saw more of you?”

“Well,” He shrugged his shoulders, “Something happened between me and your father than resulted in me not seeing your mother anymore.”

“What happened?”

“I’d rather not say-“

“-Hey Mellie!” Leana walked up to Rodney and I, “We’re gonna go now.”

“Okay, see you later, Rodney.”

“Bye, Melanie.”

As we began to walk away from Rodney, I started wondering about him. What could have gone on that they stopped talking? If he had hung around, maybe someone could have helped us make her better. She might have been more sober if there had been another adult she could let out her emotions to; I might have stayed with them longer. Whatever happened had to be really serious, since my father had gotten really upset and forbid my mother to talk to him.

It could have been because he was better looking, but I don’t really know.