I Never Told You

Andon Davis stepped out of the shower and wiped the fogged over mirror with his hand so he could see himself once more. He was so nervous for tonight; things could either go really bad, or really good. He hoped to God that this went well, because for once he truly liked the guy he’d been seeing for two months. They had a potential together that he had never had with anyone else before, and he would hate to have ruined it over one little (or big, depending how you saw it) thing.

He did his normal routine of hair brushing, but added a little gel to the top so it would dry a little more styled. He’d picked out clothes earlier, nothing fancy because they were only going for coffee, and then a walk around Central Park. It was really important for them to choose places for dates where they could talk, so no movies for them.

He slipped on his favorite jeans and a dark blue Polo and left the bathroom. Lena and his mom were watching Scooby Doo in the living room and when he looked at the clock her realized it was already quarter ‘till seven. Just enough time to walk the few blocks to Starbucks.

“Papa has to meet his date Lena.” He said kneeling down in front of the five year old sitting on the couch, “You gonna be good for your grandma?”

Her little arms wrapped around his neck and her head nodded against his chest, “Yes Papa.”

“Good girl.” He whispered kissing her forehead, “I’ll be back in time to tuck you in.”

He said his goodbyes to his mom and thanked her for watching Lena and then slipped on his jacket and left.

As he walked down the street he checked his pockets to make sure he had his wallet. Not just because he needed the money that was inside it either. When he walked into Starbucks he spotted just the guy he’d been wanting to see all day sitting in their usual spot. They’d been on eight dates and all but one had been at the coffee shop. Those worked best for Andon because he needed to by home by 9:30.

“Hey Caden.” He said stepping up to their table and leaning down to kiss his cheek. There was already a cup of coffee waiting for him so he sat before it and took a sip, “You haven’t been here long have you?” He was about five minutes late.

“Hello to you too.” The younger man smiled, “Only a few minutes, its fine.” Andon thought that Caden was one of the most beautiful guys he’d ever seen. He was young though and Andon knew that Caden had a huge potential to break his heart, and that there was a large possibility it would happen tonight.

He had never meant to lie; honestly. He’d met Andon at a friend’s birthday party and it was like an instant infatuation. When they decided that night to try going out on a real date Andon had been really happy. The first real date had actually happened right at the very table they sat now. That was where he found out Cade was only 19. It wasn’t really that he minded how much younger he was, but he knew that a 19 year old (or most anyway) couldn’t possible want the same things in life that his 26 year old self wanted. He went on another date, and another. He wanted to tell Caden so bad, but was also so afraid that he would freak out and leave.

Things were a little different now though. Although they hadn’t had sex yet after each date things were getting a little more hot and heavy each time. Andon knew he would never be able to have sex with his boyfriend while he was carrying such a big secret inside. He was pretty sure he was in love with Caden too, which was the scariest thing of all.

They talked and drank and it was just like any other date. They never ran out of things to talk about even after eight weeks, and it was so refreshing. He hoped that his nervousness wasn’t so obvious on the outside, but on the inside he was shaking with fear of what Cade’s reaction would be.

When they stood to leave he grabbed his boyfriends hand and led him outside. Central Park was a few blocks down so they headed in that direction. They stayed quiet and dodged other people walking down the busy sidewalk. He felt like he was about to explode and finally he just stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Cade walked two more steps before having to stop because they were still holding hands, “Is something wrong?” He asked biting his lip.

Andon tugged on his wrist until he walked both of them under the awning of a book store, “I have to tell you something…” He whispered leaning up to brush lips with his partner, “I never told you because I was really scared you’d leave.” He looked away from his boyfriends curious eyes and then quickly looked back up before he lost his nerve, “And I’m pretty sure that would kill me.”

He frowned deeply and then leaned in to wrap his arms around the older man, “You can tell me anything.” Andon knew he meant it, but he also looked scared. He really hoped that the thing he had to say wasn’t nearly as bad as the things Cade was probably making up in his mind.

Slowly he slipped his hand into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He flipped it open and pulled out the picture he knew was always there. He looked at it with a small smile remembering the day it was taken. He handed it over to his boyfriend, “That’s my daughter.” He said quickly before Cade probably even had a chance to glance at it.

Cade looked up from the photo with wide eyes. He looked shocked, but not mad or any of the other things Andon had expected, “That’s from last year. She’s wearing her Easter dress.” He whispered before Cade could do anything like leave or yell.

The younger man looked back down at the photo and smiled a little, “What’s her name? How old is she?” He looked like he had a lot of questions, and Andon felt a small amount of relief wash over him
.
He smiled just thinking of his little girl, “Lena Marie Davis, she’s five.” He could seriously not believe that Cade wasn’t running for the hills. Most 19 year olds didn’t want to date a guy who had a five year old daughter as responsibility.

“Can I meet her?” He asked excitedly, “I mean…” He looked at his watch, “Or is she sleeping?”

Andon couldn’t help himself when he leaned in and kissed him. He was just so excited that he was even still here standing in front of him, “I have to tuck her in every night, that’s why are dates end so early.”

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Cade was following closely behind him when they walked inside the apartment. His daughter was sprawled over her grandmother’s lap and she looked to be half asleep, “Lena, I have someone that wants to meet you.” I whispered crouching to pick her up and brace her against his hip. He walked slowly back to his boyfriend both nervous and happy, “Baby this is Cade.”

The little girl lifted her head from his shoulder, “Is he…” She stopped to yawn, “the nice man you always talk about?”

“Yes he is dear.” He whispered kissing her forehead, “and he is very excited to meet you.” Cade stepped a little closer he looked nervous so he nodded to reassure him.

“Hi Lena,” He smiled extending his hand and taking hers to place a kiss on it. She giggled happily, “It’s a pleasure.” He sounded so suave and she was getting a kick out of it.

“Daddy?” She turned to face her father, “I like him a lot, can he come with us to tuck me in?” So much relief flooded his heart when she said that. It meant the world to him that his daughter liked the man he was with. And judging by the wide smile Cade was sporting he liked his daughter.

“Would you join me in putting this princess to bed?” He asked not waiting for an answer and grabbing his hand. Andon pulled him through the hall and into the little girls room. It was colored in light purples and greens and in the corner was a small canopy bed with white netting. The little girl’s father placed her in the bed and covered her snuggly. He turned to see Cade leaning against the door frame with what he could only describe as a dreamy look on his face, “Sleep tight baby. Maybe Cade will come back over for breakfast tomorrow.” He told the young girl leaning in to kiss her nose, “I love you.”

His daughter smiled with half lidded eyes, “Love you too.”

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When the left Lean’s room his mom was already putting on her coat to leave, “Bye ma, thanks for watching her.” His mom kissed his cheek and then smiled a rather knowing smile at him before leaving.

He joined his boyfriend on the couch and turned off the tv, “So I was thinking…” He took a short breath and placed a hand on his thigh, “Instead of wasting time and energy walking back home and then coming back here for breakfast in the morning maybe you could just spend the night...” He was nervous. He knew that they were both ready to take their relationship to that next level, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t scary.

The smile Cade flashed him made his heart skip, and the sharp kiss on his lips a second later did even worse if that was possible, “Where’s your bedroom?”

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Andon rolled carefully off the sweating body of his boyfriend bellow him. He turned to face Cade and then pulled him into his side, “I love you.” He panted heavily, “And I’m so sorry I never told you about her.”

Cade shook his head and leaned up to kiss the older man, “I understand why you didn’t, but I’m glad you finally did. I’ve never been this happy before.”

He closed his eyes and smiled. He’d spent a life time trying to make people happy. A lot of times he’d succeeded, but knowing that he had a part in making this man happy was one of the single most rewarding things ever.

He opened his eyes when he felt lips moving against his, “I love you too.”