The Way I Loved You

For the past two days, I've sat in the back of the bus. Occasionally, Jack or someone would come in the back and try to talk to me or bring me food. The bus kept moving and we were just now getting to our next stop on the tour. I heard someone knock on the door and then come in. I had no need to lock it anymore because Alex had so many death threats against him if he came near me. Jack entered with a plate of food. He set it on the little table before sitting next to me and pulling me into him.

"I booked a flight back home. You'll be leaving tomorrow," he said sadly.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm sending you back home."

"Jack, I'm not leaving. As much as I may hate him right now, I'm not leaving this tour unfinished," I said, shocked.

"Why would you want to stay? There is nothing left for you hear. You should go back so Kara can help you get over this. All of us are bad at this shit," he said, trying to reason with me.

"I don't want to run from my problems, Jack. You know that. I'm staying for the rest of this tour. Now, this will probably be my last one because otherwise it'll just be awkward but I always finish what I start."

"Mom raised you well. Can you at least come out from back here though? He's in his bunk. Has been since he came running on the bus," he explained.

"Yeah. I want to shower. I smell so bad. But tell me something. Do you hate him?" I asked.

"No, I could never hate him. He's my best friend. I just am pissed at him right now for hurting you. As is everyone else on the bus. I'm going to go tell Rian to fly Kara out. You need another girl that you can trust," he said.

"I love you so much, Jacky," I said hugging him.

"Phew! You do need a shower! But I love you, too," he said, standing up and laughing.

I smiled slightly and went out into the main section. I grabbed some of my clothes and walked towards the bathroom, trying not to look at his bunk. When I glanced at it, I saw the curtain pulled all the way shut. His arm was dangling out the bottom and I saw his skeleton tattoo. That's what I want to do! I want to get a tattoo!

I jumped in the shower and did all my business before getting out and getting dressed. I didn't even care what I was wearing at this point. I glanced down to put my socks on and noticed the ring that Alex gave me. I took it off and set it on the counter before picking it up and putting it back on. I told Alex that I wouldn't wear it if I didn't have feelings for him, right? Well, as much as I hate it, I still have feelings for him. Strong ones.

Sighing, I walked out to the main living room area and sat down on the couch between Zack and Matt. Zack wrapped his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him. I leaned into his chest. I think it would have comforted me if he had been skinnier and less muscular. I wanted it to be Alex that was holding me. I hated that he had such a damn hold on me.

"So, when's the next show?" I asked.

"Um...tonight. If you don't want to sing, Brynn, we can get someone to replace you," Matt said.

I thought about it for a minute.

"No, I'll do it. It's fine," I said.

They all looked at Jack to see if it was really okay. He shrugged and everyone's eyes shifted to the television.

"I'm gonna go get half-way ready," I said, walking towards the back.

I noticed Alex's hand wasn't on the ground and his curtain was open. Shit. Where the fuck was he? I heard the toilet flush and quickly took off towards the back of the bus. I heard him sigh as he watched me shut the door. I didn't dare look up at him. I closed the door and sat down on the couch. Time to get ready.

I turned on my straightener and turned my phone on all the texts were things like 'please talk to me' or 'let me explain.' I got a text from Kara saying that she was flying out today and would be here by show time. I quickly responded with an 'okay' and started to blow dry my hair. I put on light pink eyeshadow with black eyeliner and mascara. After straightening my hair, I parted it and did a french braid down the side of my head. I checked my phone and saw that I had a text from Alex.

Alex: Can we talk?

Me: No. There's nothing to talk about.

I got no response and figured that was enough for him to know that I was done with this relationship. I was done with him.

I glanced around the room and saw the plate of food Jack had put out earlier. I took it into the little kitchen and put it in the kitchen.

"Brynn, you need to eat something," Rian said.

"I'm not hungry."

I walked back down the hall and heard a weird noise coming from Alex's bunk. I didn't know if I should stop and ask him or keep walking. I decided to keep walking until I felt him grab my wrist. When I turned around, he was standing in front of me, and let me tell you, I've never seen him look so messed up.

His hair was a mess. He hadn't shaved in a while and he looked like he hadn't showered in days. I could faintly see tear tracks down his cheeks. His eyes were blood shot. He looked like a mess.

"Brynn. I'm so sorry, but you have to understand it wasn't my fault," he said, pulling me into a hug and crying.

"Alex, it's over with. I don't care what you have to say. My eyes don't lie to me. I'm done with your little games. Just let me go," I said. He let go of my waist and walked back towards his bunk. I turned around and darted towards the back of the bus.

I quickly picked up my phone and dialed Kara's number.

"Hey Kar. Please get here soon."

I hung up the phone and let my tears start to spill out. Seeing him like that and knowing I was the cause tore me apart. I don't know if I can make it through this tour like I thought.