This Loneliness Is Killing Me

“I still can’t fucking believe it.” Shaun mumbled angrily through his clenched teeth as we walked back into our hotel room from our interview we had done with Jimmy Kimmel.

For the past two days all Shaun could talk about was the whole Mason and Ashley ordeal. He could only ever complain about why Mason was doing this and why he was with her, especially since he was the one who hated her the most besides me.

It was really starting to piss me off having to hear about them all the time. I was just as upset as he was, but I was obsessing over it. I mean, Ashley almost kept Shaun and I from ever getting together, but she was also the reason as to why we are together now. If she hadn’t of dumped Shaun I don’t think we ever would’ve started dating, so I definitely owed her big time.

To be honest, I was getting more upset with Shaun complaining about those two than I was upset with those two being together. For all we knew they probably aren’t together, I mean, we did get this information from TMZ, definitely not the most reliable source for most information.

Shaun was just blowing he situation out of proportion and it was pissing me off. If I didn’t know any better I’d think he was almost slightly jealous, and I had every right to be slightly paranoid about the whole thing. I mean, Shaun and Ashley dated for two whole fucking years and before she dumped Shaun, Shaun told me he loved her, so of course I’m going to start getting paranoid and become a bit more self-conscious about this whole thing.

“Can you fucking shut up about that already?!” I snapped, “Jesus fucking Christ, Shaun.”

“I’m sorry!” He snapped back at me, “In case you don’t remember we dated for two years, I’m allowed to be a bit upset!”

“So fucking what? That was five years ago Shaun! And in case you forgot, she almost single handedly ended our friendship! So don’t fucking shout at me because I’m sick of hearing you complain about this all the fucking time.” I replied angrily. “I’m just as upset as you are, but you need to fucking chill.”

“Why the fuck are you upset about the whole thing, you don’t need to be.” Shaun replied, his tone softening as he calmed down.

“Because she was the one that made my life a living hell for two fucking years, or did you forget about that?” I replied, trying to keep myself from snapping at him.

“Of course I remember, they were just as bad for me.” He replied sympathetically.

“No they weren’t because you were in love with her.” I stated.

Shaun took a deep breath and ran his hands through his hair as he looked up at the ceiling.

“Why are we even having this fucking conversation if that happened five years ago?” He sighed.

“Because she’s back and you’re upset over the whole thing, of course I’m going to be a bit upset and paranoid that she’s back and all you can do is complain, it’s like you’re fucking jealous of Mason.” I confessed. “You were in love with her, that was the only reason why you never left her, because you loved her. Of course I’m going to be paranoid and think something’s up when you keep complaining about them.”

“Dude, you have nothing to worry about or be paranoid about.” Shaun reassured as he hugged me, “I don’t love her, and when I did I loved you a lot more than I’d ever love her, or anyone else for that matter.”

“Then why do you care so much that they’re together, I mean, we fucking heard this from TMZ, it might not even be true.”

“Because a dude’s best friend can’t date their ex, ever. And because if it weren’t for Ashley we’d never be together.”

“That’s it though, we are together, so why are you making it such a big deal?”

“Well, what if you found out Alex and Oliver started dating?”

“I wouldn’t fucking care! Sure it’d be kinda weird I suppose, but I wouldn’t fucking care. I’m in love with you! Not Oliver! I’m getting married to you, not him!”

“You don’t still think I’m in love with her, do you?” He asked, slightly taken aback as he pulled me away at arms length.

“Of course I do! I mean, you’re so upset about the whole thing, of course I’m slightly paranoid that my fiancé is still in love with his ex! Fiancé, Shaun! You’re my fucking fiancé, you’re not my boyfriend anymore and you’re obsessing over your ex from five years ago! Of course I’m a bit paranoid that you still love her.” I replied a bit more angrily.

“That’s it though! I proposed to you because I love you! I don’t love her anymore, I love you and I always will. I wouldn’t leave you for her. I love you, Alison.” He replied reassuringly before he hugged me tightly as if he were protecting me from what I feared most.

“Then why do you care so much?” I asked softly.

“To be honest, I don’t know. Probably because he hid it from us, he’s our best friend, it’s not something you hide, and of course I’m going to be a bit upset if he’s dating my ex, but that doesn’t mean you have anything to worry about.”

“Promise?” I asked childishly as I looked up at him with a smile.

He laughed lightly, “Pinky promise.” He replied before he kissed me softly.