This Loneliness Is Killing Me

One month had gone by too quickly, whenever Shaun and I had time together it always went by too quickly.

Shaun and I had a good four whole days before we both had to leave California. I was off to Amsterdam while he was off to Montreal to continue working out the kinks and such on his second skateboarding videogame while I had to do several photo shoots for my skateboarding line before I had to head back for California for my snowboarding line and then I’d be able to see Shaun, along with everyone else, up in New York for the ESPY Awards.

I always dread the day we both have to leave each other, I think I’d hate it a lot less if it were for shorter periods of time, or if we could have more time with one another during those times where we could be together.

Luckily though, after the ESPY Awards, Shaun and I would have a good two weeks together before the Dew Tour would start up again, and we were more than pumped to be able to chill again, especially in the same place where we had first really met and hung out.

Currently everyone was chilling out in the living room, watching Almost Famous. The Frends Crew were due to leave sometime tomorrow afternoon for Mammoth so we decided to hang out one last time before we would see them in New York.

Alex and I had grown extremely close and I could easily say she’s my only friend that’s female and that I could easily treat like a dude and she’d be fine with it. She was almost an exact replica of me in a sense, but about five years younger. We had a lot in common and she acted a lot like a dude, which was great because that meant no drama, we could chill, but we could just be girls when we really needed to.

Zane, Chris and Jake were going to tag along with me for my photo shoots since they’ve definitely helped me out a lot on choosing designs for my boards and coming up with the name, so in a way it was their line too, and I made sure they got credited for it.

“Oh my God, that’s, like, the one millionth bowl of popcorn you guys have gone through and we’re not even half way through the movie.” I complained once the once full bowl of popcorn made it’s way back up to the couch where Shaun and I were sitting.

“Who killed it?” Shaun asked as he raised the bowl in the air towards Jack, Kevin and Scotty.

They each continued eating the popcorn they had shoved in the mouths and pointed towards someone causing Shaun and I to sigh.

“You guys need to man up.” I stated, unimpressed with them.

Shaun forcefully got up and was clearly making his way into the kitchen when Zane stood up off the ground.

“Where ya going dude?” Luke asked.

“Gonna help Shaun?” He laughed as he followed Shaun.

“Didn’t know it took two people to make a bowl of popcorn.” Luke muttered, causing Alex to laugh lightly as she curled up closer to his side on the loveseat.

I continued watching the film before being snapped out of its trance when the microwave beeped, signaling the popcorn was finished before I returned to watching the movie.

“Dude, where’s the popcorn? It’s been fucking 15 minutes.” Scotty complained.

“I’ll go check, I bet they managed to fucking burn the popcorn.” I mumbled as I unwillingly got up and made my way to the kitchen to find no one there and the popcorn still in the microwave, more than likely cold by now.

I rolled my eyes and popped open the microwave, a bit shocked to find the popcorn was still warm, not hot like it should be, but at least it wasn’t stone cold.

I set the popcorn and the bowl on the counter by the kitchen window and began to dump the popcorn into the opaque glass bowl before I heard voices from outside.

I stopped suddenly so I could hear what was being said and who was possibly out there.

“So?” Zane started, and I could tell it was him by the roughness of his voice that his flu left behind.

“So, what?” Shaun replied softly and clearly a bit confused.

“You know exactly what I’m talking about.” Jake replied flatly.

I heard the shuffling of footsteps and I knew Shaun was starting to pace slightly before he sighed.

“So? When are you going to ask her?” Zane replied, poking around for further answers.

“Soon, really soon, like, before we both leave.” He replied.

“Is this for sure, or are you going to chicken out?” Zane asked.

“For sure, no doubt about it, it’s just, kinda hard, y’know what I mean?” Shaun replied.

“Ya, but when I’m with her in Amsterdam I better-“

“You will, don’t worry about it, I already am.” Shaun interrupted.

That came as a shock to me, Shaun hardly ever worried about anything, when it came to any situation he was the mellowest person ever. No situation in the world seemed to faze him, so I knew this had to be something huge that he wanted to tell me.

“Why? Not like she’s going to say no.” Zane retorted.

“I know, but you never know, she can be a little hard to read from time to time.”

“Not about this.” He replied and I decided to stop listening to the conversation then continued to pour the popcorn into the bowl.

I took a small handful of popcorn and shoved it in my mouth before I walked back into the living room and handed the bowl over to Scotty, Kevin and Jack as I made my way back onto the couch, staring mindlessly at the TV screen.

I couldn’t concentrate on the movie, no matter how hard I tried. I was too fixated on Shaun and Zane’s conversation, trying to figure out what they were talking about, aside from me.

I definitely had my suspicions, I mean if any other girl had over heard that they’d think ‘Oh my God, he’s going to propose’, but I wasn’t like any other girl.

I definitely ruled that as a possibility, but I’m not too sure when it comes to Shaun, he says and does a lot of things where you’d think he’d do one thing and does another. It was how Shaun was, so my natural instinct was to think of anything else he could possibly want to ask me and would want me to say yes.

I tried racking my brain for different answers and the only thing I could possibly come up with is something like him having to move, or something stupid like that, but he wouldn’t be waiting this long to ask me and definitely wouldn’t be as nervous about it.

Shaun and Zane walked into the room a few minutes later and Shaun reclaimed his seat next to mine, smiling softly at me as he wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him so I was almost lying on his side, his shoulder becoming a headrest for me.

“You alright?” He asked as I bit on my thumbnail out of nervousness.

I mean, who wouldn’t be nervous if they’re boyfriend, was hiding something so huge from you? I especially should be nervous because Shaun was nervous, and he never got nervous. Even in huge contests he’s the mellowest one out there, if he was nervous, it was definitely something to be nervous about.

Again, there’s the possibility of him proposing, but we talked about that, not even a month ago, and I told him I’d say yes if he ever asked, so he really shouldn’t be nervous and should be pretty chills about the whole thing.

“Um, ya, I’m fine.” I replied, still staring straight at the TV without actually following along with the movie.

“Alright.” He replied, dragging out the word as he rubbed my side; he clearly didn’t believe me.

“I love you.” He whispered quietly so he wouldn’t disturb anyone from watching the movie.

“I love you too.” I whispered back, lifting my head off his shoulder and smiling at him.

“A lot.” He added.

“I know.” I smiled before kissing him lightly.