Higher, Faster, Stronger

I ended up getting up at 8 on Saturday. And when I tried to get up, I felt like I got hit by a truck. That was kind of the normal feeling after weight lifting. The day after you always feel like your muscles are screaming at you in an grating tone and want nothing more than to throw an irate wombat at you and hope to the sweet heavens that it at least gets a few hits in before bouncing away. My abs especially were chastising me. Though I find it a bit more gratifying to be healthy, to be able to see my feet and bend down and touch them as well. Anyway. It was 8 o'clock in the morning.

Let me add this- I don't understand morning people. A rare breed, who can easily be happy and alive and awake before 12. The late football girl would like a mug of cocoa, pancakes, toast and a side of bacon, thank you. Heh, don't try to talk to me at least before I've gotten something in my stomach. Mom always liked to joke that she would find it more easy for me to kill someone in the morning than at night. Especially if they woke me up. My mom, on the other hand could go to bed at 3 in the morning, wake up at 6 and be refreshed and happy.

On Saturday, she usually works till noon. I told her I was going out with Derek at 1. But she was gone by the time I was up. While wading downstairs in my slippers and sweats, I plucked a note from off the refrigerator. It read, "Hey sweetie, I'm off to work. There's veggies and other food in the fridge if you need to pack anything. Good luck on your date!"

"It is not a date!" I yelled to the ceiling. He didn't give me much advice. Thanks for nothing.

Maybe it was a date. If so, then I asked him out. I don't know! Iz and Nate and Mom think it's a date…Hannah told me it just seemed like a day out between friends…unless I personally considered it something else.

I opened the cupboards and pulled out a haphazard breakfast, instant oatmeal and some sort of liquid. I think it was tea but honestly, I can't really remember. Eating in silence isn't really my thing so I threw a mix CD into the CD player in my player and let er' rip.

After my long and burning shower, my phone rang, and from the caller ID it was Iz. I sighed, with a towel wrapped around me and my head.

"What's up Izzy?"

"You can't answer the phone like a normal person can you?"

"Aww, my quirks are why you love me."

"So, do you want me to help you prepare for your date?"

I sighed and put the phone on speaker phone. "Here this? It's me banging my head against the wall. And you're never up before 10. To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I already told you, I want to help."

"Iz. It's a jeans and sweats thing. I don't even know what we're doing, all I know is that I have to pack a picnic lunch."

"Hold on a sec," she said. In the background, I could hear her yelling. "What dad!?"

"Sorry Sar, I gotta go. Dad needs me. Adios and good luck!" She promptly hung up on me.

I meandered down to the kitchen where I took out a lot of things to make a decent lunch. I knew he liked tomatoes and that was basically it. Tomato salad, sandwiches, fruit, a bit of a veggie bag, and drinks sounded good. I mean, we're going to a park. I didn't think too many people would be there. Most people only visit parks in the summer. For being the middle of October, and with all the cold snaps we've had, it was a more manageable 50 degrees today.

I quickly finished up my cooking supplies and bagged everything accordingly and stuck it in the fridge for later. Noticing the time to be 10, I worked my way back upstairs where I sat with the blow dryer on my head for the next 10 minutes. Contemplating.

I stayed in my pj's till 11:30, watching TV for lack of better things to do. I worked better in crunch time anyway.

Eh, ya know what? I'll spare you the boring details of getting everything together. I'll just tell you that I pulled up at ten of 1 at Kelowna park in a red simple long sleeve shirt, with a pair of black jeans and a sweatshirt pulled around my waist. My hair was pulled up. And there he was, in a white shirt with long blue pants. Salivation activated. The funny thing was, he wasn't standing by his car. He was standing next to someone else's motorcycle and was fiddling with the helmet. I pulled a blanket from the trunk and pulled the cooler/picnic basket from the front seat of my car.

"I hope the owner doesn't come back to find you messing with that." I said pointing to the black motorcycle.

"Now, how can I be mad at myself?" he drawled. 2+2 = 4. Ding. Dang!

"That's yours? I thought you drove a car!"

"This was an indulgence. From me to me."

"My mind, she is blown." He tossed me a helmet.

"Hop on." OK, now he just broke my mind. Now, keep in mind, the mom sense in my brain was tingling like a half ton of mint was thrown at my head. She probably wouldn't like this… Yet at the same time, being on a cool motorcycle, with a hot boy, yup, that's just bloody awesome.

"Are you out of your tree? I'm a thrill junkie and all, but I don't want to die."

"Don't worry, I have plenty of practice."

"Ok…I can sit on the blanket but what about the basket?" I asked. He pointed to a little rack in the very rear, with some bungee cords. He removed a second helmet from where the basket would be. "Oh, you're good."

"Of course."

"And humble too." Arrogant more like. "Now tell me master of the universe, where exactly are we going?"

"Surprise. Now hop on and put the helmet on." I rolled my eyes and locked up my car. He revved up the engine and as I sat down, he reached around and wrapped my arms around him.

"Hold on or most likely you will die." I could imagine him smirking under the helmet.

"That doesn't make me feel much bett….." The words died in my mouth as he took off. My heart replaced the words in my mouth because the combined G forces were pressing on me. It was weird, not to be in a car. You were exposed on all sides. No CD's or air conditioners, just nature's fumes and irate yelling as we passed them in traffic. I just hung on tighter. And by tighter, I mean for dear bloody life.

It took 15 minutes by my watch to get to our final destination, though the whirling colors made everything seem longer.

A beach. He took me to a beach. It was of course, pretty much deserted. No one in their right mind would want to go swimming in the water in October.

I grabbed the gear and he led me up to a spot on the beach just past the lifeguard station. We sat down on the blanket and I spread out the food.

"Choose your poison." I quipped. "Well, actually some of it was actually next to something in my kitchen that resembles a sentient being…"

He gave me a raised eyebrow with a sandwich halfway to his mouth. I dug straight in, so he must have either assumed I was joking or that I was used to said moldy beings in physical tolerance. In realization, we need a new fridge. Something was growing back there, but until I get the nerve to go ninja on it's butt with some super strength bleach, it continues to grow. NOT MY FAULT, BY THE WAY. I'm just kind of busy when it comes to activities. And taking on an alien being in my kitchen runs equal on the list as cutting off my legs and baking them in the oven.

"Out of curiosity, why did you bring me here?"

"This is where I go to think. It's not crowded after beach season and no one around can be rewarding." He turned his head and looked out at the waves coming in with a neutral expression on his face. He seemed at home here. And here was with no other people to be with.

Something didn't seem right to me. I fished a bottle of water out of the cooler and downed some. I tossed a bottle to him and he caught it effortlessly.

"Do you really like to be alone that much?" I asked softly.

He nodded. "Sometimes I like being with people but most of the time I like being alone. It's easier."

"I'd beg to differ. Being stuck with your mind isn't as cracked up to be as you make it seem. Taking that route just leaves you with all of your thoughts circling in your head. Although it may seem safer to be alone, sometimes you need other people to keep you afloat. I'm talking from experience."

I thought about Dad. I thought about how he died. I never explained that, did I? Huh. You'll find out soon enough.

It's odd. He took me to his favorite spot to think. Mine is my room, like every other teenager. Me on my bed, in my own little corner. It felt a little awkward, I'll admit.

"I suppose the idiot told you what happened to me?" He asked with a sigh and raised eyebrow. I gave a little nod. "Typical he can't keep a secret."

"To be fair, I asked. You don't really come off as the talking type."

He nodded. "Fair enough. I'm not."

"You haven't come to terms to it, have you?" I asked quietly. It came out more of a statement. His face hardened and his eyes turned cold again.

"Holding someone bleeding to death in your arms when you're young you never really get over." He said pointedly with an edge in his voice.

"You held someone. I just stood there screaming." His head whipped around to face me. The sea air felt a bit oppressive, all of a sudden. I wanted to go home and be with Mom, where it was safe.

I wrapped my arms around my knees.

He spoke quietly. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

I laughed hollowly. "It's only fair, right?" I laid back on the blanket and stared up at the clouds in front of me. One looked like a bunny.

"When I was twelve, everything seemed to change. Dad was always tired and sick. He was always such a strong guy. But as a little kid, you never really notice that type of thing about your parents. He'd always laugh and put me in his lap and say, "I'm just tired from work, Sar-Bear." I found out soon enough. He got a diagnosis of terminal cancer. Less than 2 years to live. That spring he took a turn for the worse."

I paused for a second.

"The disease was eating his body and his mind. He became very depressed. He'd smile at me but Mom would always look worried. She'd always hug me extra tight and say it was ok. I was still playing football at the time. It was the only thing he'd do on a consistent basis, come and watch me. Towards the end of it, he was missing games because his treatments were wearing him down to nothing."

"He died of natural causes?" asked Derek. I laughed hollowly, morbidly.

"I wish. But no. I wasn't finished. The chemo wasn't working and he knew he only had a limited amount of time left. One Sunday morning, he hobbled downstairs and outside and put a gun inside his mouth." My tears were flowing by now.

"I heard the shot. I heard the bloody shot. I ran outside and just started screaming. I couldn't stop. After that I didn't leave my room for a while. I cried so much. He took his life into his own hands. I didn't stop washing my hands after that. I couldn't get the blood off."

"Anyway, I missed exams and the last days of school. I went into therapy but outside of that, I didn't really leave the house. I was on more drugs than I could count. I couldn't. My exams I completely missed. I was so hollow." I reached over for a napkin. "And the worst part was the reoccurring theme that I could have done something. Unfortunately, I couldn't. I was completely helpless. And I'm sure you know how that feels." He nodded.

Now that I spilled my guts, I just wanted to go home. And this wasn't how I imagined my first date going. Trust me, it doesn't happen often. Nate doesn't even know the truth.

"Now I'm out of therapy and off the pills and back playing. But it still hurts. That's why sometimes you need to be with someone else to remind you that not everyone will pull what he did. My therapist said I was more comfortable around boys than girls because of his influence but to tell the truth, I haven't cried until this year."

"Sorry for going all Niagara Falls on you. I certainly didn't plan on it."

He waved it off.

"It's a little ironic. All of us, bonded by trauma."

"If you choose to think of it that slightly morbid way."

"Hey, it's true! Don't laugh at me or I'll throw you in the water."

"Please. You weigh as much as a toothpick and you're going to try to throw me in? I think not." I thought of how he easily picked me up yesterday and carried me downstairs.

"I'll smother you with the blanket." I was sort of laughing now. In his own twisted way he was making feel normal again.

"You can't ride the motorcycle by yourself can you? I'm your ride, whether you like it or not." He was smiling that annoying little smirk of his.

"Darn your infallible logic." I picked an ice cube out of the cooler and tossed it at him. He tossed it back at me. "I'll dump the ice all over you, if you don't stop laughing at my pathetic attempts to out-reason you!"

"Then I'd DEFINITELY throw you in." He gestured to the water.

"Is that a threat?" I stood up defiantly smiling.

"Definitely."

"Porcupine butt."

"What?"

"Your head looks like a porcupine's butt. And if you threw me in, I'd get you soaked on the way back." I smiled triumphantly. It felt good to act like a kid again. I missed it almost.

"Better an animal than having a Sun throw up on your head." He was smirking. AGAIN. We were back to our normal banter. Oh, the rest of this date was gonna be fun.