Higher, Faster, Stronger

"Let me tell you a little story," he began angrily. "Once upon there were two little boys…"

"I've heard this story before," I interrupted. His eyes glanced down on me coolly.

"Be patient. The short answer to your question is that I'm missing out on life."

"Well that's kind of obvious…you've dedicated your life to a vendetta!" First conscious thoughts that rose in my head were, "He's cracked."

Nate appeared beside me, wheezing and irritated.

"Bastard! What's all this about?"

"I just told you. He took my life away from me." "And I thought you were so much stronger than this." My eyes narrowed like a disappointed school-teacher's. "You haven't failed anyone but your own miserable self."

"You go through life blaming everyone else, especially your brother. He's DEAD. HE can't HURT you again! Your brother was right the first time. You've utterly failed because for so long you've let this take over your life."

I honestly was getting sick of it. I also knew I was on thin ice right now.

"So what are you going to do now? What's going to happen to you know?"

His eyes narrowed dangerously.

"Don't taunt me."

"You HAVE to hear this! You're pissed, hurt and been holding all this in for too long! You go through life like you have nothing to live for BUT revenge. Like you have no family, like you have no friends, like you don't have a future! You're brilliant if occasionally arrogant, and you have friends on the team at school! Hell, Nate and I are your family now. I guess we've always been."

"Shut up!" He was holding his hands over his ears like a child. "Shut up! None of that matters!"

"No, Derek! We won't!" Nate was beside me now. "We came after you because we care about you! Even if we have to drag your body home to get you back, we'll do it."

He sounded confident. I wasn't so sure. I looked up the bank and nodded to Nate. We slowly started up the bank. The stance was familiar. Trainers slowly approached a spooked animal, both still terrified.

It was clear that we had the high ground. Well, metaphorically anyways, he was still up the embankment.

But when we got within a few feet, I found myself slipping down the bank. He had pushed me! Derek wasn't a physical person in any respect. If he ever got in any fights at all, it was side step, side step, then knockout punch. Usually I had to grab his hand if I wanted it. And he never touched anyone, save the person he was pummeling in practice. It just wasn't his style, not hands on at all. But now, it was different. His hands were off his ears and now he was in a fighting position. He wanted to fight us, though I'm pretty sure that it broke every discipline rule of all martial arts that he had ever mastered. If he of all people, was willing to throw away the rules, then something must be seriously wrong. Glacier Boy status had returned temporarily. Then it hit me. Not literally but still, oh crap.

Well, Nate and I have no real fighting experience. At all.

I scrambled up and started forward. Nate had just been tripped. We both started running toward him at the same time. Neither of us had any idea what sort of pain or experience that we were getting ourselves into. I'm pretty sure that neither of us have ever had to attack a target at once before. It was suicide really. But Derek was through with talking. He had never been over eloquent, that's for sure and when he was willing to try to hurt his two best friends, something wasn't right in his head. He had snapped, plain and simple.

Nate got punched for his trouble and Derek ducked down to knock me off my feet again. He wasn't doing more than blocking and self defense. He wasn't causing us any real damage, but it felt like it. He hadn't thrown all the rules to the wind, he was still just blocking.

His eyes were full of rage and pain. I hated to see him in this much anguish. It felt like it was burning a hole in my own stomach.

"Stop! We are trying to help you!" I knew it was futile, but I had to try at least reasoning with him.

"I don't need help!" He was snarling as he repulsed another attack from Nate.

"Yes you do! Look at you! Always in pain! Always angry. We care about you and believe it or not, you need people around you. Stop trying to push us away because we'll just come back. Don't you think we feel it too, when you're mad or hurt?"

Nate had a deep bruise to his left cheek. I had sand everywhere.

"What do you want from me?" Derek was still in a stance, but ti seemed more like he was going to run away. He wasn't amused by us. He wasn't even wary. Derek was just plain defensive.

The news with Alex had broke down most every mental barrier he had erected for himself. You could almost imagine a tempest raging.

He had lost his chance for redemption.

He had lost his chance for revenge.

He had lost his chance for accreditation.

With one jerk of the hangman's noose, Alex had successfully mentally incapacitated his younger brother. Any sort of ace in the hole was completely useless. Now, I can't imagine in any long shot how he must have felt at that moment. Hell, I can't even think how he lived through this for over 10 years.

But what he couldn't see is that he still had the chance for two of the three. Redemption and accreditation where still within his grasp. Revenge had just literally jumped off a roof top.

"I don't want anything from you. Forgive yourself and just come back with us." I was pleading now. Backing people down from ledges was not my strong suit. I was beginning to feel like a little girl again, but trapped in an older person's body. I was shaking, close to crying, experiencing things that I never wanted to see again.

"Bastard, you broke a promise to me." When I focused back into real life, I noticed Nate was speaking now. But he looked completely casual. He wasn't even flying off the handle like he normally might. I had seen him blow up at Keeg for so much less than that. He shrugged, and put his hands in his pockets. I wouldn't have been surprised if he was cold, the wind here was bitingly frigid.

If Derek's stance relaxed, his eyes didn't, they were moving wildly, glancing from me to Nate and other landmarks. Nate continued.

"You said it a while ago. You said that you'd never lose control again. Never completely lose it. I remember that day. We had just seen a senior and a junior lose it and try to kill each other in front of school. I know what you said and so did you, even if it was in passing. What are you doing now? You're flipping out because you feel like without revenge, your life isn't worth much."

Finally, I knew what he was doing. Nate was deliberately trying to stay calm so Derek wouldn't freak out further. I must say it was a very smart and uncharacteristic move.

Derek stopped and stared at him, still relatively crouched. Nate wasn't yelling. He was speaking calmly, a feat I hadn't managed. It was amazing. Nate was in control more than I was. He wasn't angry. Just speaking normally.

"You still have me and Sarah. Hell, I've not see anyone fight harder than she has to bring someone back. I'm not gonna let you go psycho on us and throw away what you've worked hard for. If you want some motivation, do it to test your own limits, not some that someone laid for you already. If you fall behind, both of us will be there to kick your butt forward."

Derek gave one shuddering breath and fell forward sinking to his knees. He had been breathing heavier, but disguised it in the ruse of battle. His brain overloaded and so he had passed out.

I ran up the bank in terror. He was on his knees, but I just laid him flat on the ground. I knew he'd wake up soon. It was just his body's way of protecting itself. Nate sank to his knees. He was tired and so was I. He, who had just gotten the stuffing beat out of him for the last ten minutes, seemed to holding up remarkably well. I credit the football training, for the most part.

Within two minutes his eyes opened and propped himself up upon his arms. He looked nauseous but it went away soon enough. Derek slowly moved into a cross legged position in the sand. Not wanting any adverse reactions, we both stayed away from him. I didn't know what to expect from him.

"I'm going away for a week." His voice was hoarse. My own was anxious. "Will you come back?" He gave me the briefest nod yes. I didn't miss the deadened eye glares.

I knew that was good enough. A week was long enough to cool down and let the whole story begin to blow over. I knelt down and wrapped my arms around him. He didn't really respond but his breathing was still labored, like he was still fighting off the demons.

I got up and offered my hand. He took it and we headed back to the parking lot together. It was slow, like walking with a child. I reached my car and threw the flashlight in. To Nate I offered a painkiller, which he accepted with a smile. Then he did something I didn't expect. He wrapped his arms around Derek and gave him a hug. Kind of a guy hug, not a squeeze your ribs and arms off girl hug. Derek just responded by sagging his head on Nate's shoulder. Well, at least he was acknowledging us.

Derek followed us towards home without complaint. When he veered, I knew he was heading back to the manor. For a brief second I wondered if going back to such a gloomy place would irritate him further. Then I remembered: he was going away. He said a week, maybe longer. He needed to go back to the manor out of physical necessity. Maybe get some food or supplies. Most likely money if he was going somewhere. I knew I couldn't do it on my own.

There were some things he had to work out for himself. I know I couldn't save him fully. I could only try.

Finally, this part of the nightmare was coming to an end.

When I got home, I was shaking like a leaf. I peeled back my gloves and fell into my mom's embrace. I wasn't crying though I still felt fragile. She could feel relief though radiating from me.

The clock read ten past ten at night. I gave her a short version of the story. She smiled gingerly and then went to the refrigerator and pulled out dinner.

"Hungry?"

"Utterly starving." And I was. One thing's for sure, I can't be a grief counselor, too many physical side effects. I could only imagine how tired Nate was. Another thing for sure, I need to re-take that self defense class. Then again, we were just trying to stop him from hurting anyone, including himself. Mom smiled at me and took my empty plate away when I nearly started to doze off.

"March kiddo. There's a bed upstairs with your name on it."

I made my way slowly upstairs. On my way to my own room, I passed by Derek's. The door had been open a crack. I peered in. It was immaculate as always. The room had even begun to take on his signature scent. I shut it and felt a familiar lump sensation in my throat. I ignored it and climbed into bed.

I fell into a dreamless sleep soon after.

There wasn't school the next day, in order to assist with the police investigation of Alexandor's suicide. I woke, exhausted later in the day. Mom left a note to cheer me up.

It was Wednesday. I curled up on my couch with a steaming mug of tea, hoping it would wake me up. Nothing more than more sleep was going to wake the dead feelings from me but eventually I bit the bullet and jumped back to bed. It felt more than physical exhaustion.

My heart felt heavy too. I hated that so many things caused him pain but slowly, I hoped, he was going to get over them.

Around three, I came to a realization. I wouldn't be in this much pain, if I didn't care right? This goes beyond friendship. In a few short months, he had grown to be such a big part of my life. And I didn't want to let that go.

I loved him.

Simple as that.

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The rest of the day dragged on, with me and my thoughts blearily dragging along. I wasn't really ready to go back to school. Nate and I would feel the biggest brunt of his absence. Our little threesome would seem empty.

When my alarm went off the next morning, the last thing I wanted to do was to get up.

But, I pulled on my clothes and went for a short breakfast.

Mom was on edge. "Honey, are you sure that you don't want to skip another day?"

I frowned. "With all the days I missed? I can't afford any more."

She nodded warily. Clearly she thought I was too much of a basket case to go in.

I rolled my eyes. "I'll be fine, Mom." Gathering up my books and cell phone, I went out the door and to my waiting car. The sky retained a gray color, left over from last night's drama. It looked like it was going to cry. It reminded me of the State Championships.

There was a good day. We fought hard for what needed to be done. I could almost taste the rain.

Or maybe I could, because it really would start to rain slowly after that. I pulled into my spot and entered the school.

First, I went to see Coach. I had a few things to tell him. He was surprised to see me, that was evident. But I was admitted into his office, a place all of the team had known. Some of us had spent hours in there, some of us a solitary visit.

"What can I do for you, Hall?"

"It's about Derek Thompson. Based on recent events, and I'm sure you know by know what I mean, he won't be in school for at least a week. Maybe more. That said, I don't know if he'll be at the banquet next Friday."

"Forget the banquet, is the boy safe?"

I could only solemnly shrug. "Sir, I couldn't tell you. He left and said he'd be back soon. He needed to get away for a while."

Coach nodded. "I can't really tell you more than that." I was muttering, like I felt ashamed. I rose to go but Coach's voice jolted me again.

"For all it's worth, if you talk to him, you can tell him I'm proud of him." The statement was awkward and profound at the same time. I managed a weak smile and walked on to my first class.

Time seemed to be moving slowly that day. I dragged myself through the lectures one by one. If I had a class with Derek in it, then I got to repeat my explanation to Coach to that teacher and request any work on his behalf.

Some understood and nodded, others tended to ask embarrassing questions that I couldn't answer alone.

Some wondered why I was acting as liaison for him.

All throughout the day, people whispered and pointed no matter where Nate and I were. Hannah and Iz were doing their best to do damage control but with little avail. Most of the team, knowing how close we three were, had something good to say.

Keeg crushed me in a bear hug early in the day and gave Nate an awkward guy-hug. Steve tried to rectify the situation by talking about the statistical probabilities of the situation until Terry thunked him in the back of the head at lunch. It would be wanton violence to anyone else but it was endearment to them, I guess.

Most of the guys paid some sort of respects like it was Derek who was dead, instead of his brother.

I got up every day for the next few days following the same routine; sleep, wake up, school, friends, home, homework, sleep, and then chuck in a shower somewhere around there or so.

I was running on autopilot it seemed.

Thursday passed and then Friday and the weekend followed. I started to avoid the area around his old room, like it was cursed. I got all my work done, out of sheer boredom and moved on to doing spare extra credit projects. Burying myself in work wasn't healthy but it certainly wasn't hurting my GPA.

He said a week, and so I anxiously waited that Wednesday. I got up early and had rushed off to school. First class with him came…and nothing. My other few classes... equally nothing.

By then, Mom was getting worried about him too. She kept mentioning words like 'missing persons report,' or 'search party'. Every time she tried, I shut her down instantly.

"He said he'd be back Mom, and he doesn't break promises." She patted my back and tried to smile for me. "Honey, you never know if something happened to him. It could be for his own good."

Eventually I just refused those conversations.

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Friday was the banquet and I was a wreck. I had spent a week, over a week worrying about how the entire thing would turn out. I had also, for some part, given up hope of him coming back.

I showered and dressed in my favorite black dress pants and cute shirt. Black and red, or black and green seemed to be my norm when it came to anything relatively dressy. These banquets are dress occasions, so the boys normally wear a tie and dress shirt and girls are free to do anything that looks nice.

Mom was having dinner with an important client during that time slot but she left a quick 'good luck' note on the fridge. Bored and sufficiently glammed up, I left my house and drove to the hall. I arrived a half hour early. There were other cars there, mostly volunteers, I'd guess.

Depositing my coat at the rack, I made my way up through the hall. The place was nice, big enough for three simultaneous banquets, but everything was sectioned off.

Our team colors flowed in balloons and streamers around the hall, which was richly carpeted.

There must have been a good portion of money allotted in our team's budget for end of the season banquets. The tables were lined up with white china and a white tablecloth, strewn with confetti and each had a solitary balloon rising from the center.

You entered the hall on the left and in your immediate line of vision you could see an awards table with a trophy for each of us, the championship trophy and pictures of the team taken during the year.

The tables were off to the right. I bypassed those, going straight towards the big golden trophy.

It was a big sucker, that was for sure. It had a little man, a quarterback presumably on top, who was frozen midair with a ball in its fingers. I tell you, someone must have melted down the gold equivalent of the Hope Diamond.

I touched the dates carved into it lightly.

Next year, someone else would get a trophy like this. Where would I be during that time? College, I knew that for sure.

I turned around to see someone at the tables. Someone who I hadn't seen before.

Dark hair, dark eyes, impish smirk. My heart dropped and then sky rocketed.

I ran as fast as I could in heels to Derek. He stood up from where he was sitting to intercept my hug mid air.

I literally think that I thanked (tongue twister) every saint I knew. Holy crap in a hat, he was back. And I have never been more relieved