Higher, Faster, Stronger

I woke up at 8 on Saturday determined to see Nate. I left a long note for mom (I'd told her some of what had happened last night) and headed for the store. I bought a good deals worth of regular food for Nate; I certainly wasn't going to let him live on ramen. It'd figure if he tried. I pulled up the key Derek had haphazardly thrown to me and headed toward Nate's house.

When I placed the groceries in his kitchen, I couldn't help but check on the poor kid. He was still asleep with a small smile on his dace. Then I remembered Derek. Our lovely captain was asleep on the couch in the next room over with a blanket thrown over him. I hoped neither of them would wake up until I could complete phase one of my plan.

I went over to Nate's fridge and prayed I wouldn't be repulsed by whatever might be festering in there. What I saw wasn't pretty but nor was it alive. Or healthy for that matter. I swear, if you let men live alone, they'll do something to themselves that'll put them in an early grave. Nate had nothing but junk food. It was a good thing he actually knew a girl. Honestly. There were exceptions to every rule but I doubt he was the healthiest eater in the world.

I stocked the fridge with the limited supplies I had bought and got to work. Pancakes were a specialty of mine. Before I started that, I decided to cut some apples for a snack for the boys. At least put fruit back into Nate's diet. I'm sure he'd never really heard of it till now.

Now the excavation begins. I stared digging for the supplies I would need. I was so going to have a friendly chat about organization on of these days. Or his house on that note. Maybe the outside looked okay, but roughing it was a foreign concept to me.

First the eggs, milk, etc and move onto the batter. At 9:30 I decided to wake up Nate. I gently maneuvered to his room. The stove wasn't on so I could take time if I needed.

I easily shook him softly and he groggily opened one eye.

"Sarah?" he asked sleepily. "What are you doing here?"

I knelt down before his bed. "You don't remember last night?"

I held out the syringe-discarded on the floor by Glacier Boy.

He paled and his eyes shot open. Nate sat up and looked down to find that he was still wearing his outfit from yesterday.

"I didn't…oh crap..." he sighed. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that Sarah." He put his head in his hands and rested on his knees. I smiled sadly.

"I've got pancakes on the stove and Derek's on the coach. Let's go eat."

Ok ok I'll admit it under nothing less than torture but: I have a big soft spot for my friends. Suffice to say I'd walk on hot coals for them. The ironic thing is, if someone's in trouble usually I'd set them down with a movie and some ramen. But we're trying to make sure Nate's cholesterol stays below 350, thank you.

Nate got up and walked to a dresser.

"I'll be right out. I'm just changing."

I nodded and closed the door behind me. I lit the stove and stirred the batter. Just as I was putting the first batch on the griddle, Nate emerged in a black and orange short sleeve shirt and black sweats.

"Better wake him up." I said, nodding toward the coach.

"Wouldn't it be better for him to see something more….feminine in the morning?" asked Nate hopefully.

"What do you think I am? Soft and cuddly?" I asked, brandishing the spatula. "You see how he treats his fan girls. You do it."

I'm pretty sure I heard something about evil women but I wouldn't want to be on the side of whatever happens to wake up mon captain in the morning.

He slugged toward the coach and from what I saw peering around the corner, he shook him like a martini on his shoulder. A loud slapping resonated across the room as I turned back to my griddle.

It was pretty funny though, to see a half dead captain and a half red loud mouth.

"Idiot."

"Bastard!"

"Sarah! Now that intros are done, let's eat," I said, motioning toward the food.

Nate's eyes lit up like a piece of paper covered in gasoline and instantly reached for the syrup and the pancake plate. He quickly cut himself some pieces.

"Ah! Sarah, it's good!"

"Yeah, and we've got to talk about all the crap you keep in your fridge. It ain't cutting it health wise.

I passed Glacier Boy the pancakes and he seemed grateful. You'd be grateful for some small comfort when woken up by a loudmouthed teammate too. Trust me, it's happened and more than a slap happened. It was nothing a little bit of painkillers couldn't have dulled. Oh well.

"I'm surprised you're not dead of salt overdose."

"Hey, ramen's good! Wait, bastard! That's the most you've ever said in the morning-ever!" he yelled. He turned to me. "Bastard's not a morning person. He can't stand waking up before 12 on the weekends. Are there anymore pancakes?" he asked sheepishly.

"Judging by the eyes he's giving you, you won't live to tell the tale."

Ok, he just looked scary. Horror movies had nothing on Derek Thompson in the morning. The vampire eyes usually scared anyone who was stupid enough to get more than two feet from his person.

I smiled, trying to keep the peace.

"Eat your apples, I still have some batter left."

"Idiot retard. Do it yourself."

I nodded him off. "Don't bother, I'm already up."

As the batter sizzled on the griddle I saw Nate lean to Thompson. "Hey bastard…" he whispered, "Did I?"

He just nodded.

"I can hear you, you know." I commented from the stove.

Thompson just kind of gave me the evil eye.

Nate just turned toward me, appetite momentarily forgotten.

"I didn't want anyone to see that. Even bastard knows on accident…I'm sorry, Sarah. I should have controlled it…"

"I don't' think there was anything you could have done." I answered.

"Except grow a spine when I was younger," he murmured.

That promptly earned him a punch in the arm from Thompson.

"We've been over this," he replied harshly. It was one of those frozen moments, when you really don't know what to expect. All the spark in Nate just seemed to die. I'd only known him a few months, heck even less, but still, I'd never seen him this depressed.

It's a weird feeling. When you see people who are normally happy end up sad, it feels like the universe just tipped on its side. You never want them to be that way again. Because each time it happens to someone like that, it kills you inside. And sometimes there's nothing to can't do to help them. You feel powerless and desperate. And sometimes, because that part of them died, that part of you dies too.

And after what Derek had told me, I felt guilty. I had my mom, even if Dad was gone and I was healthy and had friends. He never really had a source of constant love, unconditional companionship. Dad was always happy around me.

"I guess bastard told you what happened, didn't he." asked Nate. "While I was out?"

I nodded again.

It was awkward again. I could tell Nate just wanted to wallow in his own misery. Glacier Boy just kind of seemed that he wanted to be miles away from there. A few minutes later he made his move.

"I'm going now." I nodded and Nate looked up from his plate.

"Bye, bastard…" he said softly. The door closed.

"Come on, we're getting out of here. I'm going to do the dishes and we're going out for the day. I don't know where but we're getting out of here." I put on some fake cheeriness for him. In truth, I felt horrible. All the memories of Dad I had repressed were coming back up and all the bad thoughts after the funeral…

He nodded and headed back toward his room for a sweatshirt. I started the dishwasher and pulled him out toward my car.
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Hitting the mute button on the CD was the easiest part of the ride. We rode on the highway for a while and finally ended up at a park with a small lake around it. My fake smiles were slowly disappearing and he knew it too. Overlooking the water, we parked but stayed in the car. The wind would have chilled us in minutes.

"I'm sorry you have to deal with this by yourself." I said softly.

"I have you and Ian and bastard now."

"But you didn't then." I hesitated for a moment. "Do you want to talk about it? You don't have to if you don't want to." I added quickly.

He nodded slowly, as if it was a painful decision.

"Ian says that sometimes talking can help." Seeing the look I gave him, he started again, "Oh. Ian is my guardian. I bounced around from foster home to foster home as a kid. I finally ended up going to Kelowna. Ian was one of my teachers. He saw the other kids, and the stuff they'd do. By the end of the year, I asked him to adopt me. He said yes, even though, with his teaching job, he didn't make a lot of money."

"In about ninth grade, I looked into my family history. No one was left, not even a distant relative. So not only was I weak, but I had no family either.

"Ian turned out to be more of a big brother than a dad, I guess. I mean, he was really cool and helped me with school but there were still some things he could never understand. I never went with him to family occasions. It just hurt a lot. He'd introduce me as his son and I'd smile but just want to go hide in a corner."

"Back then, the kids were brutal on me. A couple of occasions I snapped. I was in a foster home in the Waterloo, and they literally had to pry me off of the kid. I transferred almost immediately. They didn't want a monster at their school."

"I was the freak. No family. No friends. No grades even. I was always weak physically too. And after a while, all this crap built up and I started on medication. It works but if I forget to take it, or if I get really stressed out, I can have attacks like you saw. I hate having anyone see me like that." He trailed off softly at the end.

"Where's Ian now?" I asked, "And how did you meet Derek?"

"Oh. Once I hit 11th grade, I got a job and saved up and got my own apartment. I just wanted some independence, without someone watching over me, you know? Ian understood that but I see him at least 3 times a week. Bastard…I met bastard in 8th grade. I guess two loners kind of attract. He had no one and I was completely new." I guess he glanced over and saw my face by then. For the first time since Dad's funeral, I was crying. Genuinely crying, red faced and with tears streaming.

"Eh? Sarah?"

I just kind of launched myself at him in a hug. Yet again, another awkward moment.

"Sarah, I'm ok. Really!"

Ok, I lied when I said I don't cry. Well, up until that time, it wasn't true. But, we each have our own little hurts that just don't heal. Some things can't.

I let go and reached for a tissue pack.

"Don't feel bad for me; it's bastard you should feel bad for." His eyes got big and he covered his mouth.

I stopped mid sniffle.

"What was that?"

"Uh….nothing?"

"We are going to go get a coffee and you're going to explain what you just said. Now."