Dear God

I had just gotten off work at the Pets Pets Pets, in 5 point plaza early. I had just gotten a surprise for Zacky, who was now living in my home. I had gotten a one bedroom apartment after starting to date him, feeling like I had no privacy, like always at my parents place. Even though we weren't aloud pets at the apartment, I figured Zacky got lonely without me there all the time, oh how wrong I was. I opened the door to our home and smiled as the little puppy in my arms barked softly. It was just a little over eight weeks, and I had adopted him. He looked so sad in the pen by himself, when all his brother and sisters had left. Zacky and I had only been together four months, but I figured it would be a cute present. I walked in to hear the bed moving in the bedroom. I looked confused when it didn't stop. I had just figured Zacky was rolling around in his sleep, he did that a lot at night. I shrugged and smiled at the cute surprise in my arms. I practially ran to the bedroom, unwilling to hold the surprise anymore. The bedroom door was cracked some and that's when I heard it. A moan. From a girl at that. I put down the puppy and opened the door a little wider, hoping it wasn't Zacky but one of Zacky's friends and there girlfriends. Oh how wrong I was. I bite my lip and watched Zacky roll around with the girl. I blinked some tears before letting out a sob. They stopped and looked over. The girl looked annoyed but Zacky...Zacky look heartbroken. He threw the girl off of him as she looked sad. I looked down and let the tears drip down my face. "Baby... I... Uh.." Was all he could think of. I nodded and saw the puppy at my feet. Not really moving but looking kind of confused. I looked up at Zacky and slapped him across the face as hard as I could. Which was pretty fucking hard, Jimmy had taught me how to fight. "Okay, I deserved that." Zacky said holding his hurt cheek. I picked up the dog and shoved it into his hands.

"Happy motherfucking anniversary, dick fucker!" I screamed and went to the closet. I started packing. He pleaded for me to stop. He even grabbed the bag out of my hands a couple of times, which earned him a punch or a kick in the balls. That didn't stop him though. Not until I walked out the front door, never to see anyone from Huntington beach, again.

"JAIDE! please just listen to me!" I knocked once and looked down. How could I not remember him. I had spent years to get over him, with alcohol, drugs, and meaningless sex with random people. Nothing ever helped. I waned to get over him, but I never could. I didn't hear another sound out of him, so I peaked out the door only to see him still standing there. "Jaide..." He said biting his lip. I walked straight past him and to my bag. I searched through it, knowing I would never leave anywhere without it. I picked up the group picture of all of us. Matt, Johnny, Kristin, Jimmy, Brian, Zacky and then me. I had looked different back then. I bit down on my lip and handed it to him. I looked happy in the picture because I was with my family. My unrelated family, aside from Jimmy of course. Now, I was broken. I've been this broken girl since that day. "Jaide, why do you still have this. I look terrible in it." He says with chuckle in his voice.

"It was the happiest time of my life." I said looking down at my hands, my voice didn't even sound like mine.

"I would have thought leaving me would have been the happiest." He said looking down. Obviously still hurting over what had happened.

I shrugged and sighed. "Zacky, I never wanted to leave you. I just figured, I was holding you back." I said looking down at my hands still.

"You weren't holding me back Jaide. How could the love of my life, hold me back? Jaide, you were.. No you are the least selfish person I have ever met. You believed in Avenged Sevenfold, you believe in everything we were, and more importantly, you believed in me more then anyone in the world." His voice getting closer and closer as he spoke. "Jaide," He said as close as he could with out sitting on me. "I loved you. I... " I looked up and saw him biting his lip, something he when he was around me. I never understood if it was a nervous habit or if he just did it around me. I could never tell, but I knew he was holding something back.

"Zacky, I did hold you back. I held you back, if you can't believe. I felt like never wanting you to leave my house, in case something would happen to you, to us. And I realized it that day. I was holding you back from being a 23 year old. I was holding you back from living your life. I was just... ready to be with you to the fullest. I wanted to marry you and have kids, even at 23 but I knew it would ruin our relationship because you were getting famous, and you were getting famous fast. I knew I shouldn't have been in a relationship with you, not that I regret it, but I knew you wanted to be free and I held you back for far to long." Zacky bit his lip again. I stood up and looked down at him. "I didn't want to come back here, and hold you back again. So I stayed away for years. Five years to be exact, I knew it wasn't possible, but I hoped you wouldn't have moved on, but I see you did. I'm happy for you Zacky. You should treat her right." It was my turn to bit my lip. "Maybe we should just part ways like we did before." Zacky looked up at me shocked.

"But, I can't let you do that. I just got you back. You can't leave again." I sighed. I didn't want to hurt people anymore. I've spent to much time away and hurt everyone. But I knew what I had to do. I knew what the girl felt if she just lost someone she loved.

"Zacky, I can't let you break someones heart over me. I just..." I shook my head unable to finish my line. I loved him, I always have, but if this girl loved him the way I did, and still do, I couldn't just let him walk out of her life. Zacky bit his lip for the millionth time today. "Now, if you would so kindly, get up, walk out of this hotel room, and we'll go separate ways. I'll see you at the fu-funeral, and that will be that." I said sighing and not looking at him. I couldn't look at him. He would be heartbroken. I know he would. I heard him stand up and walk closer to me. He tilted my head up to look him in the eyes. He licked over his lips and filled in the gap between us and kissed me gently. I kissed back lightly and pulled away, only to look down. He sighed and walked right out the door. I knew I would see him again, but I didn't know what was to happen. I just hoped someone was looking over me. I walked out to the balcony and looked up at the sky. I closed my eyes and thought about Jimmy. I felt a wind brush over me and I knew he was looking over me. I smiled and walked back into the hotel room. I felt safe finally.