One for the Razorbacks

It's a long one! (Oh, and...You might need some tissues.)

Chapter 11

-Flashback-

I walked out of the diner and down the dark alley. .I knew I should’ve known better, and I knew I should’ve brought Sam walking with me, because it was after midnight and it’s common sense not to walk alone after dark. But I figured since was only going down the alley and across the highway, that it wasn’t going to be any trouble.
I counted my steps to distract myself from getting the feeling that someone was following me.
1, 2, 3, 4. 2, 2, 3, 4. 3, 3, 4, 4.
The rhythm of my breathing got involuntary faster as the hair on my spine stuck straight up.
I shook it out of my system and started counting again.
1, 2, 3, 4. 2, 2, 3, 4. 3, 3-
I heard a footstep behind me.
I turned my head to look at the brick wall, looking for a second shadow but laughed nervously at myself when I saw only my own.
I continued walking again, until I heard a sharp breath not a foot from my ear. I stopped dead in my tracks.
“It’s not smart to walk alone at night, sweetie.” A low, toxic voice whispered in my ear.
I held my breath.
“I’m sure you’re just scared, aren’t you, Cecilia?”
My lungs had disappeared from my body. The streetlights at the end of the alley way seemed to be moving farther and farther away.
“You don’t have to be scared.” I could feel his heat on my back. “I’ll be quick.” He put his arms around my waist, his hands resting at the button of my pants.
It was like one of those really old movies, where every movement is a different slide, like a blink every millisecond, making everything move in slow motion.
Fighting back was no use- he seemed to enjoy the panic induced defense.
I woke up the next morning in the middle of the alleyway, my pants around my ankles.
Why it happened to me, I don’t understand. But that’s the day it started; the day everything ended.

-End Flashback-

Panic struck me in a heartbeat. I turned the shower knob and got in, letting the cold-water flow over me.
Freezing, the water was. But it relaxes my senses.
I have to go, I kept thinking. There was no way I could expect Joey to understand. Or his parents, for that matter.
No one knew what happened that night, except for me. Sometimes I even thought that I didn’t know for sure. But I did know it wasn’t a dream. The cuts wouldn’t be caused by a nightmare.
I made myself get out of the shower, think that I had to get out of the house and back to the Underbelly without anyone noticing.
I put on my own clothes (clean, thanks to Joey’s mom), without waking Joey, sad that I was leaving without saying goodbye.
I managed to make my way out of the backdoor and into the yard, before I heard someone behind me.
“Razor, w-where are you going?” Joey was but five feet behind me.
I cursed under my breath. “Uh, I-I have to go.” I took a small step foreword.
“You should have woken me up.” he yawned. “Where do you have to go?”
“Uhmm, just…somewhere. Y’know, somewhere.” I cringed. It was hard to leave him. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around and face him.
“Do you want a ride?” he walked up beside me.
“No, I’m just going to the skate park.”
“That’s a long way. About six miles.”
I guess I hadn’t realized how long he had driven me before.
“I think I can handle it.” My voice cracked.
“Are you sure? You look a little pale.” His eyes were so warm and over-inviting.
I stopped walking for a second, not because I was considering his offer, but because of a surge in my stomach. Before I could protest what my body was telling me, I ran over to a bush a few feet away and vomited.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
Joey ran over and pulled my hair out of my face.
I wiped my mouth on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.
“On second thought, a ride would be nice.” I smiled weakly.

We were driving down the suburbia street when he finally spoke up.
“Do you think you’re sick?” he asked, sounding like he actually cared.
“Something like that.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he appeared to be trying to get something out of this.
“Nothing.” I looked straight ahead.
“Oh, really?” he sarcastically raised an eyebrow.
My face was so easy to read. Sam always called me her open book. Damn my readable emotions. Damn them.
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You’re lying.” Damn his mind games, also.
“It’s nothing that concerns you.” Which was true. It had nothing to do with him. Which is exactly why he didn’t need to know. But strangely that’s the reason I wanted to tell him.
“Raz, you know you can trust me. I can understand anything you-“
“Would you understand if I told you I’m late?” I cut him off and harshly let it out.
He looked at my blankly for a second. “Late, as in, that kind of late?”
I turned my head to look at him, knowing my face would tell all.
He stopped at the stop sign. I could see he was befuddled. And maybe a little upset.
“Oh.” He said quietly. “I just-I just assumed you weren’t… with anyone.”
“I’m not.” There was a lump in my throat as he started driving foreword again.
There was a bubbling in the pit of my stomach. It was coming again.
“Pull over.” I said, a lot sharper then I’d meant to.
He gave me a strange look, but then did.
I managed to hold it back until the car was barely moving along the side of the road. I pulled the handle and pushed the door open and stepped out the car as if my ass was on fire. I threw up again, this time it was worse.
Joey came up behind me and helped me back to the car. I couldn’t help but to see that he was relieved that I didn’t get sick in the car.

Once we were back on the road, I could tell he wanted to ask more.
“So, where exactly am I taking you?” he looked over at me.
“I don’t know.” I sighed. “I have no fucking clue.”
It was silent for a while. I was trying to figure out what to do. I couldn’t think straight. But apparently some sense knocked into me and I realized the obvious.
“The drugstore. I need to get…” My voice trailed off.
He knew what I was talking about.
He pulled into the CVS parking lot a few minuets later.
I got out, half expecting that he would go in.
But sure enough, he walked right over to me and we walked inside.
I was shaking from head to toe, and he must’ve noticed because he put his arm around my shoulders.
We walked over to the aisle we needed, stares collecting as we went down a very judgmental way.

Tears welled up as I grabbed a pregnancy test off of the shelf.
Joey kissed the top of my head and took it out of my hands.
“I got this. You go wait in the car.,” he whispered in my ear.
It was weird, because usually guys are embarrassed to buy girly products. But apparently not Joey. Sweet, but a little weird.

So I waited out in the car, losing the battle against my tear ducts.
He came out and I quickly wiped my tears away.
“Back to my house?” He looked at me with his soothing, green eyes.
I sighed. “Mmhmm.”
It was quiet all the way back.

His parents weren’t home, much to my relief.
We walked upstairs, the house seeming to close in on me. Thw whole time I wishing that it was just some sick nightmare, and I’d wake up screaming. But I couldn’t fool myself, no matter how hard I’d tried.

I went into the bathroom and looked at Joey sitting on the side of his bed.
I felt so guilty, bringing this problem into his home.
Thee time I was peeing on the stick, I dreaded even opening my eyes.
I had never really ever believed in God, but I admit, some help from above would’ve been greatly appreciated right about then.

I moved from the toilet to the floor. Joey came in ans sat next to be beside the bathtub, his expression worried but anxious.
I didn’t even look up to see the test while it was…working. Disgust distracted me from everything.

Beep

My heart skipped a beat. Wait, let’s make that about five beats.
I couldn’t bring myself to get up and get it off the counter until more then five minuets passed after it beeped.
I finally pushed myself to stand up and grab it.
I stared at it in silence, not breathing, for what seemed like forever.

Positive.