Music Academy

Things were going pretty smoothly as of right now. A month had gone by and now it was mid-July. I had managed to sneak around Haley with Dahvie, but that was usually at night and in the woods by the camp. I enjoyed hanging out with Dahvie and he enjoyed hanging out with me. He actually had plenty to talk about. He was born in North Carolina, which was one thing I was surprised of. His parents were poor and when he was really young he moved away to Florida, which is where he currently lived to this very day. He liked to talk about his friends back home, like Garrett for instance. Once I had asked him about the other guy who had sung with him and Jeffree. He told me his name was Jay and that was the end of it.
I liked to talk to him about my life back in NC. I mentioned how my best friend, Rani, had moved to Alabama at the end of freshmen year. He understood completely. I even got deep enough to discuss my parents’ separation. I repeat their separation NOT their divorce. Unlike most kids with separated or divorced parents, I had a mother who lived very close to me, across the street to be exact. I mentioned that my mother had left simply because she realized she was lesbian. I remember tearing up just thinking about it.
“I just don’t understand how she could just leave me the way she did. She gave us no answers and so we had to find them ourselves. I found out the hard way” I had said to him, whipping the tears from my eyes. He held me close to his body.
“I wish I could understand” he had whispered and that’s what made me love him more. He didn’t lie and say he understood completely because honestly no one would feel this exact pain, this exact sorrow that ran through my blood stream almost naturally.
“I wish you could too” I had replied and soon after I felt selfish for the remark. I had wanted one person to know exactly how I felt and to understand it. I wanted to know that I wasn’t alone and technically I wasn’t. I had a boy named Dahvie holding me in his arms as if I were the most fragile thing in the world.
“I love you” I finally admitted to him and he lifted my chin; he pressed his lips against mine sending his reply back to me. It seemed to be written in the nighttime sky.
I love you too.
I pressed him backwards, onto the green grass. The only sound was the crickets chirping and an occasional hoot from an owl. The feeling of wanting him came over me, just as it did in those dreams I would have with him in them. The ones that would always black out when the feeling got too strong. This was not a dream, this was very much real. The feeling of his tongue against mine, the way he humped me lightly in-between my thighs. I moaned lightly as I started to unbutton his pink and blue plaid shirt. He stopped my urgent hands with his own quivering ones. His grey eyes locked to mine. Seriousness clear in them, but I couldn’t focus. All I could think of was how badly I wanted, no needed him that very moment. I pressed my body against his, but he pushed me back.
“Mm Dahvie come on” I practically moaned, trying to kiss his neck. I was pushed off and then pinned to the ground. His eyes still grave.
“Look at me” He said and I listened. Waves of emotions were in those grey eyes, but the thing that hurt me the most was the hint of disappointment. I suddenly realized what was happening. He was going to tell me he didn’t want me. My heart sunk and suddenly I felt stupid. I was about to give my virginity to this guy. I had put my trust in him only to be denied.
“Dahvie?” I whimpered, he still held me down, his eyes still on mine. I sounded pathetic and I hated myself for it. Then a glint of anger splashed into his grey eyes and fear made my heart race. He squeezed my wrist tighter.
“I thought you were different” He stated and they burned much more than my wrist did. I said nothing, for what was I to say? I had been like Miley and Haley. I was selfish, so very selfish.
“You’re just a whore like everyone else” He said, closing his eyes really tight. He let me go and stood up.
“Find your own way back” He said, harshness clear in his tone and with that he ran off. I laid there in the grass for a long time, just staring at the sky. It was beautiful, unlike my now shattered heart. I didn’t want to get up really. I’d rather just lie there and waste my life away, but soon the sun rose. I figured someone would come looking for me, but I honestly hoped not. I wouldn’t want to see Haley’s face. I wouldn’t want to see Jeffree or Miley or anyone else. But the most important thing was I didn’t want to see Dahvie again.
He was a faint reminder of how pitiful I am, how easy I am. He was the scent on my clothes, the taste in my mouth, the wetness between my thighs. I felt miserable just thinking about him and every time I would close my eyes I would see his. Those emotions he felt…guilt, regret, sadness, anger, frustration, pain…disappointment. So I didn’t dare close my eyes, I didn’t dare think his name. I just laid there almost like a corpse, no thoughts, no memories, no future, no past.
When the sun was up really high I could hear people calling my name. One I recognized as Brendon Urie. He had medium length black hair and full lips. He was cute, but nothing compared to Dahvie. He was the shy one. I had heard him talk only a few times, but now that he was yelling my name in the woods with a few other distant voices I realized how much Brendon cared. The way he looked at me had always been caring. I had thought that was just who he was, but no. I knew now that he liked me and I liked him. With this thought in mind, I managed to bring myself up to yell, “I’m here! I’m here!” I heard footsteps quickly moving towards my direction and there he was. I still felt no desire to move. He ran to me, his face plastered with worry.
“Catie” He spoke softly now, “Are you okay?” My lips had gone dry and I didn’t bother to try to speak. He looked at my wrists.
“What happened?” He asked, shock all over his face. He took my arm and examined my wrist carefully. Suddenly, my wrists hurt. I could see that I had bruised wrist with a little bit of dried up blood on them. The rest was on the grass beside my head where they had been pinned down.
“Catie, talk to me” He pleaded, but I said nothing. I felt something wet hit my shirt, a tear. Brendon was crying. I tried to open my lips, but my body refused to move anymore.
“I found her!” Brendon yelled out to the voices still calling my name in the distance and they came rushing towards us as well. The first to arrive was Demi. She ran to my side just as Brendon did. She placed her hand on my head, checking my temperature.
“Why are you so cold?” She asked in shock. I couldn’t reply. Then came Ms. Johnson. She looked almost as worried as Brendon and Demi did. The woman actually cared about me, which made me like her even more. Then came the two Jonas brothers, Nick and Joe. Nick was the one with the curly hair; Joe was the one with the straight hair. Joe stood beside Demi and Nick looked at me cautiously. He made me feel like I was a bomb about to explode. Then came Alison and AJ Michalka. They asked if I was alright and Brendon told them I was injured. Haley came soon after and simply held my hand. I got the feeling that she knew what happened. I could tell by the way she looked at me, but I could also see that she had already forgiven me or at least for now. Finally, came the owner of the camp. He didn’t look too pleased about this and I was sure to be sent home for the rest of the summer. I thought it over, but then I realized that this was my dream. Well not to be on the floor of a forest with injured wrist, but rather fulfilling my dreams of becoming a singer. I tried to sit up and, with the help of Demi and Haley, I did. My wrists stung very badly and I winced.
“Can you walk?” The owner asked. I shook my head. Brendon helped me stand up and we slowly started heading for camp. I felt myself start crying and I don’t know why. I cried the whole way there. They took me to the nurse, who I had just seen the other day because I finally had my cast taken off.
“Back again?” She said as I was carried in. I nodded and forced a small smile. She shook her head.
“You are a dangerous girl” She smiled and then she attended to my wrist. They were fucked up pretty badly, though I cant recall his nails digging into my skin. I only remember the squeezing. After that I was to have a word with the owner. I supposed he would tell me to pack my bags, but no he hadn’t. The pudgy man seemed to be somewhat fond of me, but not in a perverted way. He was more like a second father in most cases. When I had talked to him after the fight he had pitied me and let me stay. My only thing was not to get into another fight again or I was gone. No one else had been hurt and so it wasn’t a fight and so I was safe, but they wanted to know who would do such a thing and why.
“I don’t know” I lied. Despite myself I had promised I wouldn’t ruin Dahvie like he ruined me. Revenge was sweet, but not sweet enough.
“No idea who it could’ve been?” He asked.
“No sir” I said quietly, looking directly in his eyes. This got him to believe me.
“Alright Ms. Godfrey, but don’t think we will just give up on trying to find who did it” He clearly stated, “Whoever it is will be heavily punished”
“No sir” I said just as quietly as the last time, “I think that we should let it go. It is my right is it not?”
“True” he said, “You may go then I suppose. Get some rest. You’re excused from classes today”
“No sir” I said once again, “I want to go to class” The man smiled at me. I could see how proud of me he was and it made me feel a little better.
“Alright” He said, “Go on to second class” I left his office and headed for class. When I walked in everyone was staring at me. The teacher, Mr. Ross, cleared his throat. Brendon was in this class and so I sat beside him. Mr. Ross continued with the lesson and in the middle of class, Brendon held my hand. I didn’t push him away. I needed the comfort more than anything and I needed to know that someone cared. Brendon was the person who would keep me sane for the next two weeks. As the days progress I found it easier to avoid Dahvie then I ever thought possible. It was mostly easy because of the fact that he was avoiding me as well. Haley would sometimes talk about him while we took breaks by the lake. She would tell Demi how she saw him making out with Miley by the cabin in which all three of them (Demi, Haley, and Miley) shared. I tried not to mind it and kept myself occupied by getting to know a little about Brendon Urie.
Brendon Urie and Mr. Ross didn’t really get along. Something about them just didn’t click. Brendon explained that they used to be a band, but Ryan had been kicked out. Ryan had just been too different to handle the band. Ryan had took Pete and Patrick with him since they favored him more anyways. It was sad that Brendon had lost his friends like that, but he admitted he didn’t regret a damn thing. When we really got close we decided to write a song. It was a day when it was going to rain, one of few in the summer.
“Let’s write a song about the weather” He said suddenly as we laid in the sand, staring at the clouds.
“Alright” I smiled and began to think of possible lyrics. The words slowly came as I sung them to a random beat, “Clouds are marching along…singing a song…just like they do”
“If the clouds were singing a song…I’d sing along…wouldn’t you too?” Brendon added.
“If you just knew…what they could do. Oh if you just knew…what would they do?” I added.
“And if the birds…are just hollow words…flying along, singing a song”
“What would they do if they just knew what they could do? Oh if they just knew”
“I know it’s sad that I never gave a damn about the weather and it never gave a damn about me”
“I know it’s sad that I never gave a damn about the weather and it never gave damn about me, no it never gave a damn about me” We sung together. We laughed.
“That was actually pretty good” I admitted.
“We should sing it in the next ‘Free sing’!” Brendon said excitedly.
“Don’t get too excited” I laughed, “How about we do it next week and we can practice this weekend?”
“Cool” He said, “It’s a date” We both blushed at this comment, but neither denied so I guess it was a date.
We finished writing the song and Brendon promised he’d write the chords that night. After that we headed for our second class with Mr. Ross. Not much happened in there and soon it was time for dinner. I ate a lot of food. For some reason, I was starving. Then I went to my cabin and went to sleep. My sleep was dreamless except for a few clouds and a boy with a guitar singing oh so gently.
Clouds are marching along, singing a song, just like they do…