Rants

Dear Daddy,

You’re my everything. I can’t survive without you. I love you so much, I can’t bear the thought of life without you. You’ve raised me on your own since I was 5. Maybe even when I was three, since Mama had all those problems. You tried to make marriage with Mama work for the sake of a normal life for me, and for that I love you even more. I know I’m a HUGE bitch to you at times, and I even take advantage of you because I know I’m your only kid and you’d practically do anything for me. I’m sorry for how terrible I am to you Daddy, but please know that I love you with all my heart and I’ll be a better daughter.



Dear Mama,

You’re also my everything. I miss you more than anything, Mama. I wish you could be here for me. I miss your hugs when I cry, I miss your scratching my back and telling me it’s gonna be okay. I wish you were okay Mama. I hate not seeing you for months at a time; I hate not talking to you for months at a time. Almost every time I talk to you, you scream at me, you cry, you tell me I’m not a good enough daughter and that I’m trying to replace you with Erica. I’m not trying to replace you Mama, I promise! How could I replace you? You always say that I act like the world revolves around me whenever I talk to you. You always bring up the past, and that hurts me! All I want is for you to ask how I am, you never do! I don’t want to talk about the past! All you want to talk about is the divorce and how it’s unfair that I can’t live with you! You know what’s unfair and hurtful? Everyone in my life telling me my Mama is an unfit mother, that all she ever did was keep me home from school and make me take care of her! You know what’s unfair? Getting married to some creep and not telling me! Getting engaged to that creep and not telling me! Do you know how much that hurt? You don’t even know Carrie or Kerri or however the fuck you spell his name! I don’t know him! I don’t like him! He’s the one who’s been keeping me from my mom! I love you Mama, you know I do, but it’s unfair to me whenever I call he answers and says you don’t want to talk to me…it’s unfair that you don’t want to see me because I don’t like him. I guess life’s unfair.

Dear Annette,

I honestly don’t know what to say to you.



Dear Erica,

You gave birth to me, but had to give me up. It was an open adoption and for that I’m grateful. You left me a diary and a photo album to learn about you and what kind of person you hoped I’d be and how you wanted me to have a better life. In some ways, yeah, I do have a pretty great life. I’m trying not to dwell on the past. I know I’ve only known you for one year, but I love you. You’re my mom too, and you tell me you love me all the time. At first I thought it was weird, but then I realized the pain you had to go through giving a baby up. Thank you for making that sacrifice, I hope you stay in my life. You’re the only sane parent I have.



Dear Marc,

I don’t know you that well. But you are technically my “bio-dad”. I stalked you on Myspace for awhile, looking at your pictures and stuff. Then I added your stepson and I had to explain myself there because he likes to ask questions. Anyway, I’ve been talking to you for a few months now and you’re a pretty cool guy. You said you see a lot of yourself in me, I suppose I get a lot of things from you. You don’t bullshit me and you don’t lie to me, which I appreciate. You scold me for being a dumbass, which I think is funny, but in the end it really helps. I’m glad I finally got up the nerve to contact you and Erica. It felt like a piece of me was missing. Now that I have both of you in my life, I feel complete. I’m so grateful for you two, you don’t even know. Back to you, I hope one day I get to see you in person and finally get that hug I said you owe me. I’m not trying to replace my Daddy, but in a way you’re my dad too. Thanks.