Rants

I wish...it's pointless to wish because you never get what you wish for. The saying "Careful what you wish for" is just that. A saying. A stupid, worthless saying. If your that superstitious the go ahead, be careful. Otherwise wish for anything you want. You're not gonna get it anyway. Wishing is like hoping, you can want it all you want but in the end does it happen? Sometimes, if you're lucky and God's in a good mood. I wish I could stop this cycle where my heart keeps getting broken, but guess what? It keeps happening because I'm stupid and hope that the next guy won't hurt me. So far my heart is in four pieces, one for each moron who broke it. I try to bury the past and wish for a better future but so far it's not happening.

I'm in so much pain because I can't fix anything. It hurts so bad knowing you don't have no one to confide in. It's like wanting to talk to your mom so bad but you can't cause you haven't seen her since you were 14 because her roommate introduced her to drugs and dealing. She wasn't all right in the head your entire life, anyway. She's just a nutjob who needs help but refuses it. To top it off, she's not your real mom. Your real mom is some 37-year-old woman in Oklahoma City who claims she loves you, that's why she gave you up for adoption. Then there's your dad, the 54-year-old Geologist with his own oil company and a bunch of investors. You try to talk to him, but he doesn't really care.

He never really cared much because it seems like he never wanted children. Oh and guess what? He's not your real dad either. Your real dad is some 39-year-old guy in Oklahoma City whom you've never met but you stalk him on myspace, looking at his pictures and trying to see what kind of person he is. Your real mom, or bio-mom, tells you about him whenever you ask. She says he would view you as a "cash cow", and would use you for your family's money. You would like to meet him but there's always a thought looming in the back of your mind telling you no, because you've heard so many bad things about him. But everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?

But you've also given many people second chances and that always turned out bad. Like your mom, you gave her plenty of chances and she screwed up everytime. And your dad, after what he did to you he's still a moron. There's also the first boy you think you ever "loved", if love exists. He used you and took advantage of you then broke your heart. Now whenever you see him at school you wanna throw up. You also can't believe you dated him off and on for two years. Yeah, you've kinda been through hell in your life and your only 15. Back to your dad, he's a pretty cool dad, considering he cares enough to let you do wahtever you want. you think he's depressed since he's in a loveless marriage to his second nutjob wife wife who's two full-grown sons still live in their home.

One of the sons has his own family, too. You dad is also the last of the McDonald line. When he dies, that's it. He never had his own kids, let alone a son. He adopted a baby girl, well actually his first wife did. So now he's stuck in a bad situation and he has to make the best of it, as he says. He hasn't actually told you why he's always so distant but he doesn't have to because you can just tell. Your own father is disappointed in his life. Sometimes you think it's your fault, if you hadn't been conceived none of this would've happened to the people around you, to the people you care about. But you do what your dad does and you try to make the best of your bad situation.