My Call

He had never needed anyone before, but for some reason this was different. It just hurt so much that he couldn’t even think, all he could do was stare at the wooden door in front of him and slowly lift his fist. He managed two knocks before he let his arm fall to his side. He hardly had the strength to stand, so he just leaned heavily on the door frame and silently begged the door to open. He raised his eyes as the door opened a crack, and then fully when he was recognised.

“Dr. Cox, what the hell are you doing here? It’s 2 am and I have work tomorrow so if your planning on dragging me out of my apartment to get hammered, go find someone else, I’m tired and I need to sleep.” JD rambled, absently rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“Can I come in?” I almost whisper.

“Depends on what you want.” JD replied with irritation in his voice.
“JD… Please…” I could feel the beginnings of tears pricking the backs of my eyes, I was just so tired.

JD seemed to really look at me then, probably because I had used his real name. Silently he stepped to the side to let me in, a frown slightly creasing his forehead.
I stumbled through the door and after I heard the door lock behind me I felt his arm around my waist and his palm on my arm.
He didn’t say anything; just lead me towards his bedroom, turning lights off as he went.

God I felt drunk, but to be honest I hadn’t touched a drop, not since… I heard.
I opened my eyes, not even realising I had closed them and found myself sitting on the edge of a bed, JD kneeling in front of me, looking confused and worried. He gave a slight sigh and slid my jacket off my shoulders, and then I felt my shoes being tugged off. I slid back on the bed to allow room for him to lie down as well, no way in hell did I want to be alone right now, that was the reason I had forced myself to come here in the first place.
JD wordlessly climbed into the bed and sat next to me as I slid halfway down, energy completely leaving me.

“Not like you to be so silent.” I commented. It was starting to creep me out; I needed to hear his voice, that same voice I had told to shut up so many times before.

“What do you want me to say? I’m not going to ask you if you’re ok, because you are clearly not, and I’m not going to ask you what happened because the odds of you actually sharing your feelings are like a hundred to one.” He replied, a slight edge to his voice. I couldn’t really blame him for being angry with me right now, I had kind of been a bit harsh on him earlier, who am I kidding, I’d been ten times the bastard that I usually am to him, god, the image of tears in his eyes popped into my head.

“I’m so sorry,” I mumble as I cover my eyes with my hands, I feel wetness there and barely suppress a sob. “I’m so sorry, I’m such a bastard, god, I’m sorry, so sorry.” I am slightly aware of the fact that I am now sobbing uncontrollably.

“D…Dr. Cox?” I can hear the shock and fear in his voice, I should have expected it, seeing his mentor as a broken sobbing wreck, god, even he was shocked at himself.
“She’s dead…” I manage between sobs.

“Who?” he replies, I vaguely register that he is attempting to pull me into his arms.
“Paige, god she’s dead. Fucking drunk driver ran her off the road.” I say right before I, well fling would be an accurate description, myself at JD and bury my face into his chest.

God, I can feel his arms around me and I try to get closer, needing him so much. It’s amazing that this afternoon I had been yelling and screaming at him, like usual, and then I had gotten The Call. And all of that character building, all those walls I had constructed to build that strong image of myself just fell away. I mean I’m even calling him JD in my fucking head! I am so far out of character right now I don’t even really know who I am.
I wonder why I hadn’t ended up like this when Ben died, maybe it’s because Jordan was there, then. She’s gone now, left a week ago, I don’t think anyone actually knows yet, but then again why would they?

I’m not crying as much anymore, and it feels so good to have JD’s arms around me right now. I can’t remember the last time I actually had a hug. I mean, sure I have been hugged before but I’m talking about the real deal, not the friendly meet and greet hug between friends, but a real, emotionally comforting hug.

He’s brushing his fingers through my hair and I’m slightly disgusted at myself when I lean into his touch and sigh.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers into my hair and then kisses the top of my head.
Something inside of me flips at that and I find myself lifting my head and staring at his eyes, then his lips.

Then I can feel them and god they feel so good. I lift my hands and grab his head and kiss him a tenderly as I can. At first he doesn’t respond, I suppose out of shock, but then I feel him, almost shyly respond. When the need for oxygen becomes apparent, I keep my eyes closed and just lean my forehead against his.

Somehow I had managed to straddle his hips while I was trying to shove my tongue down his throat. It felt right, but as much as I wanted to keep doing this, I was beyond exhausted. I rolled to the side and curled my body around his.
I don’t think he cared. I felt his arms around me once again, and as I felt the darkness slowly overcome me, I heard him whisper,

“It’ll be ok.” And I believed him.

I don’t think I would have believed anyone else.