Dare to Dream

I sat on the old wooden bench in the front of the house, nursing my cigarette. I didn’t care if Tyler was around here somewhere, waiting to stalk me like a creeper, I needed time to think.

That new girl had thrown a lot of things into perspective for me, how lonesome I had become, she’d even raised my inability to function properly or mannerly around new people. But it was something else about her I didn’t like about her, I wasn’t one to not like people without reason so the fact that I didn’t like her full stop scared me. A shiver coursed through my skinny body as a blast of bitter wind gusted past, I stood, taking one last drag of my cigarette before chucking it onto the ground.

I walked back into the house, my home, and meandered slowly on the steps, taking my time until I came to the door where the new girl; Marianne, was staying. I knocked on the brittle door, wondering how many times I could knock before the wood caved in, the door swung open revealing a smiling Marianne; her smile only got wider when she saw me standing in her doorway.

I grimaced and clenched my fists tightly as the need to hit this girl grew, maybe it was because she had the ability to be happy and I certainly didn’t. I coughed into my palm as she waited expectantly for me to speak.

“Well, do you want to come in?” her voice ran through my mind like a train, I frowned at the contents of her room behind her and shook my head.

“N...no” I coughed into my hand as my voice cracked with the effort of being civil, “no, I just came to a...a...apologise” I said finally after choking on my words, her smile grew wider if possible and I again had to swallow hard to resist the urge to hit here, where had all this violence come from?

I heard voices down below, and brushed past Marianne and into her room, she eyed me curiously and I shrugged, “Tyler’s downstairs and the first place he’ll look for me is my room” I stated bitterly causing Marianne to smile sympathetically at me; I shot her a look of hatred.

“Don’t, don’t pity me” I spat at her, she stopped smiling and pursed her lips. “Do you want to go get a coffee?” she said hesitantly, licking her lips nervously. I lifted my lips slightly, she knew where she stood with me and that was a start, I glanced at her and raised my eyebrows before answering, “sure but you’re paying”.

She broke into a big smile and tugged my arm for me to follow, I allowed myself to be dragged to her closet and held my arms out when she shoved a pair of white washed skinny jeans at me and a plain sky blue tee, I eyed them with distaste before stripping down and shoving on the clothes. I wasn’t in the mood to go get new underwear; no one was going to see so it didn’t matter, I didn’t care either about her seeing me but she’d turned away to give me some privacy. I pulled my hoodie back over my head and grabbed the hairbrush she was offering, pulling it through the snarling knots in my hair, that done I tapped her shoulder. She spun round and smiled with satisfaction, “now, do you want some shoes?” she asked, I rolled my eyes and opened her door before walking out, knowing she would follow.

I took two steps at a time and ended up by the battered and peeling front door, I slipped on my tattered ballet pumps and opened the door quietly, aware that Tyler was around. I checked Marianne was with me and made my way outside into the cold morning air, I chuckled humourlessly as a thought entered my head.

“You know, the last time I went out with someone was when Sam had to take me to hospital because I wouldn’t eat?” I said without facing her, “why?” I heard her voice question, it took me a while to answer, why had I done it?

“Why not?” I stated shrugging, challenging her to answer. I heard her laugh slightly at my words; I smiled softly until I felt a small hand enter my own. I whipped around and saw Marianne clutching tightly to my hand, all thoughts about hitting her flew out of my head with that one gesture.

“Do you count me as a friend?” she asked, her eyes pleading with me to answer truthfully, I shrugged again.

“Why not” I said, she wordlessly started walking up the street towards town, not breaking her hold on my hand once.