Lost Souls

I tried to get a close look at the knife. I could vaguely hear Damon introducing himself. But to me, it didn't matter. That knife...that was my top priority. Somehow, I felt as if I needed to gaze at it.

The bronze hilt was intricately designed with these symbols that seemed so familiar but yet, nothing at all was coming to mind. The blade was the length of my palm vertically and if anything it was fashioned like a sai, but thicker. It was really a good thing that shit hadn’t hit me.

I looked at Max’s hands and realized he wasn’t touching the weapon’s hilt, but the end of the blade. When I looked at him questioningly, he asked to everyone, “Do you know what these symbols are?” I shook my head but yet, I had a feeling as if I should.

Donovan's eyes widened. "They resemble Egyptian gylphs but...they're nothing like I've ever seen before." My breathing stopped. None of them knows what I really am...but if this has something to with Set then...

Things might get complicated.

Max nodded in agreement with Donovan. "That's exactly what I thought."

"You want me to run some scans over it? See if I could figure them out? And maybe get a hold of fingerprints."

Max stopped, thinking. He shooked his head. "If these symbols are as old as I think they are then Don's scans won't do anything much. And I highly doubt you'd get any fingerprints on this knife. I think our attacker is too smart to leave anything behind."

Silence filled the room.

Christophe spoke up, "Then what should we do?"

Max turned to me.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Don't Panic.

I looked at him blankly. I hadn't caught what he had said.

"Could you visit your gifted human?" he repeated.

Breathe in.

Breathe out.

Stay calm.

I nodded slowly. I could. I understood what Max asked of me, and I am willing to go right now.

Anything to avoid revealing what I am

I couldn't stand for it. Couldn't bear to see my friends turn their backs on me.

Among humans I wasn't right. And now...

Even among the strange...

I was still a freak.

I leaned against the wall, outside the headquarters’ building. I needed to relax myself. I fought to suppress the panic that bubbled inside of me. “So, where we going?”

I stiffened but I didn’t stand up straight. Glancing to my side I saw Damon and I tried focusing on being ticked off, instead of the fact that I might break down any second. “Who said you were going anywhere?” I retorted. Damon shrugged and stuffed his hands into his pants pockets.

“I’m going wherever you go babe.”

“Do I look like a little child?” I asked, irritated. “Don’t call me babe, you asshole.”

"I thought I was a douchefuck?" Damon asked, smirking.

I shrugged. "Felt like saying asshole. It's easier to say and I don't really like wasting my words—and time--on you."

"Ouch. That hurt. And here I thought we were getting along so well."

I sneered at him. "Why don't you take yours AIDs infested body and leave?"

"Vampires can't have AIDs."

"You would be the one to know right? I bet you made sure of it before you fucked all those—.”

“That’s it!” Damon yelled.

I stopped breathing, shocked. I was so worked up I hadn’t realized Damon had walked up to me and now we were so close.

It was as if all those years of building up resentment against him were meaningless. It was as if, I was still young and naïve-- so desperate for someone to like me even though I only knew how to push away. I was still, trapped, ensnared by those piercing eyes.

I couldn’t stop staring.

“I refuse to put up with your bitter mood! Why the fuck should you be pissed at me? For what? Huh? For not remembering some petty girl I walked out on so many years ago? You’re fucking Stefan! Why the hell should I have to stand your fucking insults?”

Damon’s eyes were filled with anger and I forgot myself for a while. Forgot that I was no longer weak but strong. Forgot that I was fearless. I forgot and I got scared. Hs expression scared me and I wanted to cry.

And his words.

Oh God, if they didn’t hurt.

I broke my gaze from him, and stared expressionless at the ground. Then I laughed. I laughed and laughed, loud and without humor. I held my stomach and laughed still, feeling crazy. “I’m petty? I shouldn’t be pissed at you?” My laughing stopped. Plain white hot fury seared through me. I didn’t bother to shout anymore. My voice was cold. “I love Stefan Salvatore.” I got the satisfaction of seeing Damon wince and step back. I continued, “but I’ve only ever loved him as a brother.

“You always had the assumption that me and your brother were together quite back twenty years ago. Well, guess what? I could have never loved Stefan Salvatore, because I had fallen for his dick of a brother. And did you know what happened after that? Do you? You stupid, disgusting son of a bitch?

“You killed me.”

I was crying now, crumpled on the floor, spilling some of my story. But I didn’t look at Damon’s face. I didn’t want him to see me so pitiful and weak. I didn’t want to see him when I still loved him—and wished with just as much passion that I didn’t.

But then again, I didn’t see his shocked expression. Or the hurt or regret. If I did…well who knows what would’ve happened.

Choking on sobs, I was adamant on continuing. I already started speaking, and I couldn’t stop even if I wanted to.

“You didn’t kill me literally. No…you did worse. You stabbed a knife through my heart and kept on stabbing. You were never mine, I knew that. But I was so damned infatuated, so hooked on this stupid school-girl crush I had on you, that it hurt even worse seeing you kiss someone else. Someone beautiful.

“And when I ran away; when I told you to just go, I cried a lot. Right there, in the same place you left me. I cried. You just went so quickly didn’t you? Like it wasn’t a painful decision to just abandon me.

“I guess it may be wrong to hate you. But at that point in time, you were the one person I trusted to protect me. Who’d be there if anything went wrong. And then I went home…and I—.”

I couldn’t continue. I didn’t want to say the next words out loud.

“What happened?” Damon asked. I shook my head, turning away from him. I hated for anyone to see me cry. I was too vulnerable like that. I heard his footsteps.

Damon crouched down and faced me at eye level. “Look at me.” My eyes stubbornly met his. “What happened to you Rayna?” he asked softly, taking me into his arms.

But I didn’t want to be comforted. I sobbed into his chest all the while hitting against it. It wasn’t fair. What happened. It was stupid…crying over it still.

“I came home and—and—and they were dead! My parents w-w-were t-h-there—dead. And before I knew it coming, the werewolf—it killed me too. Then next thing I’m awake with Stefan over me, soothing me, helping me. Why—why wasn’t it you?” I bawled. Why couldn’t it have been?

“I…I’m so sorry Rayna.”

I shook my head slowly and took a shaky breath. “Too late Salvatore. Besides, I gave up on the fairytale image of you anyways.” I had no choice. “You’re the forever kind of person…just not in the right meaning.”