After Tonight

Rob wouldn’t talk about the accident. We’d been home for over a week and the second I’d mention something about it, he’d divert to another topic. I knew he felt awful about everything, but I didn’t want him thinking that I blamed him for any of it—it wasn’t as if he’d nearly wrapped my Jeep around a tree on purpose.
Inside the hospital Rob looked pretty banged up, but outside he almost looked worse. The stitches and bruises paired with the cast on his left arm looked so out of place against his everyday clothing. The director of I Am the Messenger called off filming for two months—at least Rob hadn’t lost the part.
All he did was mope. After trying to talk to him about it, I finally gave up and went on as if all was normal. With one arm in a cast, he couldn’t really do much of anything, so he was bored. We tried decorating the flat and when he couldn’t pick something up, he threw a fit. So we nixed that idea and stuck to movies, which were slowly losing their charm.
“Rob,” I called from the kitchen. “What are you doing?” When I didn’t hear an answer, I poked my head around the wall to see him laying on the couch listening to his iPod, reading.
I walked over and sat down next to him. Once he noticed me, he slipped his ear buds off and looked at me expectantly.
“Let’s go to Central Park.” I smiled. The early September weather was starting to hit us and it was gorgeous out. “It’ll be fun.” I grabbed his legs and begged.
He sat up grudgingly and went into the bedroom to get out of his sweats. I did the same. Once I’d slipped on a pair of jeans and one of Rob’s t-shirts, I tied my white Converse and waited by the door. Out walked Rob, sulking.
“Can’t you just pretend to be enthusiastic?” I asked sourly—he was ruining my day. “You are an actor.” His face lit up with a pathetically cheesy 100-watt grin for no more than twenty seconds.
I shook my head and walked out of the door.
I thought it’d be better to take a cab then to walk to the park. If we didn’t, Rob would complain. I paid the cabby and practically had to pull Rob through the door. This whole I’m-a-guy-who’s-PMSing thing was really starting to piss me off.
Surprisingly enough, the park wasn’t too crowded. Out of everything, I loved seeing the John Lennon “Imagine” mosaic; there were always Beatles cover bands sitting on the benches serenading the passer byers. As I walked along, basking in the sunshine, I hummed a random Beatles’ song. Glancing back, I saw Rob trudging. This was going to stop.
“Go home.” I said sharply, stopping in my tracks. “Seriously. If you’re going to act like my niece when she can’t get a Barbie at FAOSwartz then get in a fucking cab and go home. I don’t want you here.” He stared at me blankly, eyes widening.
“Sorry.” He murmured, quickening his pace to catch up to me. I didn’t say anything and continued walking, this time enjoying the fact that Robert had allowed me to loop my arm through his. We walked in silence, pausing briefly to take in the sites.
“It’s not your fault.” I said, squeezing his good arm gently. “You know that right?” He didn’t answer.
“Rob, really. It was an accident. You think I’m upset with you? Jesus, all I’ve wanted to do for the past eight days is hold you and kiss you because you’re not in the morgue freezer.” He still didn’t respond.
“You were just hanging there like...” I cringed, picturing his lifeless body. “I didn’t want to get out if you weren’t going to be getting out either.”
“I don’t remember any of it.” Rob’s lips finally parted. We stopped walking and he turned to face me.
“I did that that to you. All because I wanted to take you away and have you to myself for one bloody goddamn day—I was being selfish. And then you, you had to save me. It shouldn’t have been that way.”
“Let me get this straight, you’re mad because I saved you? Would you rather me have left you dangling there, dying?” He looked startled and reached out grab my waist.
“Jesus no!” He looked at the ground. “You just shouldn’t have to, ya’ know? I was in that hospital bed wondering where you were, or if you were bleeding or if you’d cracked your head and were lying in a ditch. And then when I saw you, you were asleep. You looked horrible and I did that to you. Don’t you get it?”
“Rob please.” I wrapped my arms around him, burying my face in his chest. “We’re safe. We’re together, here under this beautiful sun. Please, please forgive yourself. OK? It was raining. It was an accident.”
Rob drew me closer and placed a kiss on my forehead. He took my hand and we continued walking. The conversation was closed.
“So you want to get some ice cream?” I asked, grinning.
…
A few days later, Rob and I were lying in bed talking about the upcoming election when the phone rang. It was my Keith—he was in the hospital with Emma, who had just gone into labor.
“Rob!” I turned over and smacked him excitedly. “Rob, we gotta go!”
We arrived at the hospital just in time to see Emma asleep in her bed. Her new baby boy, Ethan, was in the nursery.
“Let’s go look.” I whispered to Rob, who had just shaken hands with a beaming Keith.
Lila followed behind, grabbing onto Rob’s back pockets. He looked at me uncomfortably but didn’t fuss. The entire way Lila regaled us with the story of her brother’s birth. Rob looked like he was going to hurl.
We stood with our faces pressed against the window, well Lila and I did anyway. Rob looked disinterested but peered through anyway. Obviously he wasn’t one for kids. I really wasn’t either, but I figured it would come to me if I had one of my own—and I wasn’t looking to do that anytime soon.

“So are your brother and his wife planning on popping out anymore kids?” Rob asked during the ride home.
“I dunno.” I responded, still giddy from seeing my new nephew. “Keith wants a big family but I think Em’s a little worn out right now. I can’t imagine what that feels like.” I shuddered.
“What?” Rob asked, wrapping his arm around my shoulder so I could relax against him.
“Pushing a baby out of my…there.” Rob chuckled.
“So, you don’t want kids?” His brow furrowed.
“Maybe, I dunno. Why, you want to get down to business?” I patted his cheek smugly. He just looked at me, horrified. “I’m kidding Rob. Don’t worry.”