After Tonight

I had Hawaii withdrawals for at least two weeks after our return to the city. At one point I claimed I’d seen palm trees when I looked out of the living room window. Rob just walked over to me, pressed a hand to my forehead and shook his head.
...
We had a family dinner at the end of August, as a way to celebrate the end of the summer. It was then that Jo dropped the bomb and announced she was pregnant. Everyone was elated, especially Emma who now had someone who could sympathize about the annoyances of the nine months. As excited as Jo looked, Jeff looked scared. My dad chuckled and slapped him on the back, telling him all would turn out okay.
“When that little thing smiles up at you for the first time, you’re caught. Hook, line, sinker.” Jeff smiled, looking minutely relieved at my dad’s words.
“So how far along are you?” Grace asked, grabbing Jo’s stomach and rubbing it anxiously. “I want one!” Collin, Grace’s boyfriend of two months, stood by apprehensively. By now, he—like the rest of us—knew that when Grace got an idea in her head it was like a seven-year-old asking for a dog.
“Three months.” Jo beamed proudly, lifting up her shirt to reveal a small bump.
“Just go home and watch Knocked Up.” I whispered to Collin. “She was appalled.” Collin and Rob both laughed at this, but I was completely serious. Grace and I had seen that movie together and I had to give her my popcorn bucket for the popcorn she’d already eaten.
“So now I’m going to have three grandbabies!” My mom sat at the kitchen table, braiding Lila’s long hair.
As she was about to open her mouth and make a comment on my baby-status, I gave her a warning glance. I didn’t like it when she talked about me having children. Rob and I had briefly discussed it once—he didn’t want them and I was indifferent.
“So who’s next? Abbey, Rob?”
Oooh I hated my mother sometimes.
Rob’s eyes widened and he cleared his throat. I didn’t respond, instead I went into the kitchen and loudly began to wash the dishes.
“How beautiful would those children be?” I could hear my mom out in the living room. I felt the urge to help Rob escape, but it wasn’t like I was just going to give myself up that easily. “Dark hair and blue eyes, ooh!” She cooed and asked Rob if either of his sisters had children.
“I wonder if they’d have Abbey’s teeth—remember those beaver teeth all through middle school?” Jo hooted from her seat beside mom. I slammed a plastic bowl onto the counter, gritting my teeth. Rob looked through the buffet window eagerly anticipating my rescue.
“I bet they’d have great hair. I mean c’mon. Look at Abbey’s wild mess and then combine that with Rob’s…sha-BAM!” Grace giggled excitedly, picturing the hypothetical children. The poor kid would look like Cousin It Meets the Yeti.
After the washing was finished, my head was too full of baby talk to function. I looked over at Rob, who sat on the couch next to Keith—each of them wore the same expression I was sure I had. Jude stretched out underneath Rob’s feet, continuously watching the commotion around her. Rob hadn’t said one word in the last half-hour.
I walked over to the boys and whispered. I had to come up with a plan to get us out of here.
“The park?” I asked, squatting down to rub Jude’s belly.
“Absolutely.” Rob sighed and stood up.
“When can we leave?” Keith nodded toward the table where Jo, Grace, Emma, and our parents sat. “Do you think we can make it out without them knowing?” I winked.
“Jude’s got to go out.” I announced. “Rob and I are going to take her.”
When nobody said anything, Keith stood up and headed for the door. He called Lila over and helped get her tennis shoes on. Even Collin managed to escape Grace’s talons.
The five of us made it to the park without any followers. Collin, Keith and Lila threw Jude’s ball around while Rob and I scrounged up some ice cream for everyone.
“Which flavor do you want?” Rob shuffled his feet as we waited in line watching our dog run through the open field.
“I’m thinking just Plain-Jane chocolate. You?”
“Eh, vanilla.” I actually felt bad for him. The poor guy looked like he’d just found out he’d been adopted.
“So, Jo’s pregnant.” I tried to lighten the mood but immediately realized I couldn’t have picked a worse topic. “Preeeety fun.”
“You don’t want a baby now, do you?” Rob looked away, worry clouding his bright eyes.
Well that was the million-dollar question, wasn’t it?
“Rob, don’t listen to her. She’s been telling me to have babies since I hit puberty—it’s just my mother.”
His body stiffened and continued watching Jude. “But do you want a baby?”
“No.”
“Because...”
“No, Rob. Besides, I’m probably completely barren.” I chuckled, stopping shortly when Rob’s face told me he was not keen on making jokes just yet.
…
Rob was called for Eclipse re-shoots in the middle of September. He left right when Allie’s wedding preparations were in full-swing. Rob was ever-so-delighted to get away at that point.
“Portland first?” I asked, sitting down at the table with my bowl of pasta. He nodded, chewing his food slowly.
Things had been a little awkward between us since Jo announced her pregnancy. I felt dumb for behaving like a 13-year-old, but Rob was doing it as well. The amount of sex we had even dwindled—it was like he was afraid to knock me up. The world around us was swirling with marriages and babies. I used to be certain Rob and I would be together forever, but with the way things had been going I wasn’t sure if we’d last through Christmas.
“Anywhere exciting?” I tried to liven up the conversation. He’d gone to Rome for New Moon.
“Not anywhere we haven’t been.” He took a gulp of water and went back to eating.
This had been our life for the past three weeks. He always looked like he wanted to escape. Without another word, I went to the kitchen and shoved my plate into the sink.
If Rob could have mood swings, so could I.
Rob didn’t speak. He only watched me storm into our bedroom and slam the door. Sometimes I wondered exactly what was going through his head.
I was sprawled across the bed checking my email when Rob finally decided to grace me with his presence. He grabbed his pajamas and went into the bathroom, slamming the door for good measure. I rolled my eyes and continued my business.
Ten minutes later he appeared again, his hair dripping wet. Silently I stood up and went into the bathroom. Despite the early hour, I wanted nothing more than to shut my eyes to this and get some sleep. I brushed my teeth furiously, ignoring Rob when he came into the bathroom to get the rest of his things.
“You’re going to scrub your gums right off.” He left the bathroom smirking. I spit my toothpaste out and marched out of the bathroom.
“What, are you my dentist now?” I pounced a few seconds later.
“I’m merely concerned for the well-being of your teeth.” Rob gave me a bored look and walked back into the living room to watch TV.
But I couldn’t let it go.
“Well as long as we’re on the subject of body parts that need taking care—I’m curious as to the sudden conversion to celibacy.” He shook his head in annoyance and turned back to the TV. “Don’t shake your head at me. Pregnancy is not a disease Rob—it’s not contagious. Just because Jo’s got one in the oven doesn’t mean that I’m suddenly going to as well. I’m on the pill for Christ’s sake.”
“Are you finished?”
I went back into the bedroom. When I came out, I hurled Rob’s pillow at his head. He caught it just before it beamed him in the face.
“Jackass.” I hissed and turned sharply on my heel. “Have fun on the couch.”

Rob’s P.O.V.
I was stuck. Ever since Jo announced her pregnancy, I’d been oblivious as how to act with Abbey. I knew how women and babies were—when one had one, all the others wanted one. It’d been that way with my sisters and I’m sure it’d be the same way with Abbey’s. In fact, Grace’s reaction only confirmed that.
I watched Abbey deny it to her wit’s end, but deep down I could tell she wanted a baby. And why shouldn’t she want one, wasn’t it like a women’s “rite of passage” sort of thing?
I wasn’t ready for a kid. I couldn’t handle kids—I was, in fact, complete rubbish with kids. My own sisters never left me alone with their kids out of fear that I’d somehow make them spontaneously combust.
It was that bad.
Abbey understood that and she loved me—maybe not at the moment, but I knew she really loved me. If I didn’t want kids, she would say she didn’t either. For the two years (almost) we’d been together, I’d pushed the thought out of my mind; but with Jo’s announcement in August, it was all I thought about. I couldn’t deny Abbey something she wanted, I loved her too much to keep from that part of life.
So essentially I was stuck. And I slept on the couch.
…
Abbey was gone when I woke up. I fixed myself some coffee, hoping to find a note in the kitchen. When I found nothing, I called her cell. No answer. Jude suddenly jumped up from her spot underneath the window and clambered to the door.
I heard Abbey’s soft voice as she greeted our dog. I watched as she set her yoga matt beside the couch. Of course—she had yoga Sunday mornings with Allie.
“Coffee?” I asked brusquely—she had made me sleep on the couch.
“No.” She walked toward the bedroom. “Thank you.”
I followed her, needing to make sure I had everything I needed for Portland. My flight left early tomorrow morning. Not wanting to create more tension between, I dragged my suitcase into the living room and turned on the stereo. As I began to get carried away with my packing and music, I noticed Abbey slam the bedroom door once again.
But she re-emerged, hand on her hip. She walked over to the stereo and turned it off, looking at me apprehensively.
“Can I talk to you?” Her hair was in some sort of crazy ponytail that made it absolutely impossible for me to take her seriously. “Please?”
I considered it for a moment. Was she just going to yell at me some more? “Will you do something else with your hair?” I dropped my last shirt into my suitcase and sat down on the couch.
Abbey’s eyes narrowed, but she took her hair down.
“OK look. I’m sorry for making you sleep on the couch.” She sat down in the chair by the window, folding her legs. “But why have you been acting so strange since that day at my parents’? Rob, I told you. I don’t want a baby—”
“That’s just it, Abbey! I know you do!” I threw my hands up in the air. “I know you want one. I saw you when Ethan was born, I see you every day when you look at other people’s kids. Now Jo’s got one. What happens when Allie has one? You’re going to get jealous and you’ll want one.”
“That’s not true.” Her voice was quiet. “Is that why you’ve been acting like this, you think I want to have kids?”
“I don’t know what to do, Abbey.” I grabbed at my hair, frustrated. “I can’t keep you from having kids—I won’t. So if deep down you really want kids, I dunno…”
I watched her face fall and winced. I’d practically just given her an ultimatum, which I wasn’t even sure was a fair move.
“I don’t want kids.” She repeated it once more, her voice was cold. To be honest, I couldn’t blame her. ““I admit, there have been times where I’ve wanted a baby, but if that meant losing you then it’s not for me. I’m totally indifferent to the idea and because you don’t want them, neither do I.
I was about to open my mouth for a rebuttal but she shut me up.
"You’re giving me the choice between you and kids. That’s really mature Rob. One—I’m not pregnant. I don’t plan on getting pregnant so what’s with the ultimatum? Two—I want to be with you. Is this your excuse to break up with me or something? I mean, God, I thought Hawaii was fantastic.” She laughed. “You want to know something. I sort of thought you’d propose to me.”
She said the last part with such bitterness. It stung me and I instantly felt stupid. Maybe I’d been wrong to assume Abbey would change her mind about a baby. Maybe she really did just want to be with me and love me like she had said.
“Abbey…” I stood up. She really had a knack for making me feel like a real wanker. “Abbey, I’m sorry.” She pressed her palms to my chest and looked up at me, shaking her head.
“Are you really?” I mean, if you were planning on this as your ticket out—take it.” Oh God she had this all wrong. “You said you wouldn’t keep me from having kids if I wanted them, so if all you wanted was to leave I’m not stopping you—”
“That’s not what this is about at all.” I pushed back a bit of her hair. “Really. I just hate the feeling that I’m stopping you from doing something you really want. And I guess I never believed it really when you said you wanted what I wanted. I thought there was some tiny part of you that wanted a family. I want you to be with someone who wants that too."
“You’re not keeping me from anything, believe me. I just want to be with you.”
“So you really don’t want kids.”
“No.” She fidgeted with her hair. “You’re sure you don’t want to get out while you can.”
“Yes.”
“Well then.” Abbey stepped back, taking my hands. “Something has been long overdue.” She led me to our bedroom, locking her lips on mine.