After Tonight

“Abbey?” I hear Rob’s voice calling from the hallway. “Are you in here?”
I rocked back and forth, staring at my stomach and not bothering to answer. It was one of those days where I felt miserable, where I never wanted this baby to come out. Rob was surprisingly great at handling my mood swings. He comforted me when I needed it, but often was quite frank about how stupid I was being. A few times in particular he blatantly told me that he would be on a walk until my hormones calmed down.
So I knew it was only a matter of minutes before he pulled up the ottoman and sat in front of me in the nursery, telling me that everything was going to be fine—which was ironic because any other day it would have been the opposite.
“Everything alright, love?” He lingered in the doorway, hunching a little bit, as he watched me intently. When I nodded absently, he walked over to the rocking chair and pulled up the ottoman. “What is it?”
Sighing, I shook my head. I knew it was absurd and I didn’t want to be whiny.
“It’s nothing.” I smiled. “Really, just a little insecurity.
“You’ll be fine.”
“I know.” I sighed, placing my hands on Rob’s cheeks and kissing his forehead. “It’s just one of those days, you know? It’s just like, ‘what if I can’t push the thing out?’ or ‘what if I drop it on it’s head?’.”
“Did you really just say, ‘what if I can’t push it out’?” He laughed, pushing hair away from my face and stroking my cheek. “That’s probably the least of our worries.”
“You’re right.” Rolling my eyes, I laughed and waved it off. I sat still for a second or two, taking in my surroundings. Rob had really done a great job with the nursery. “But if all else fails, at least the babe will have this bad-ass nursery.”
“Very true.” Rob’s hearty laughter filled the room and he placed his hands on my stomach. “Here that? You have a very bad-ass bedroom.”
He kissed my stomach and rubbed it affectionately. Rob waited for a minute or two before taking his hands away. Though he never really said it, I knew he always waited for a kick. Out of everything, I think that was his favorite part. He claimed that going out at midnight with me for food was his favorite, but I knew better. Whenever he felt a little thump, his entire face would change. His eyes would widen and sparkle, and his lips would turn up a little in the corners. It was nice to see.
“Can you feel it?” My voice was barely a whisper—watching Rob like this had an effect on me.
“Yeah.” His eyes lingered on my stomach.
“Rob?” I blinked away tears and looked at the ceiling. “What if I’m going to be a bad mother?”
“You’re not.” Rob turned his attention toward me, somewhat startled by my question. “Why would you seriously even think that?”
“I never wanted a baby. I thought I wasn’t going to have kids and now look at me. All those times during health class and that fucking babysitting clinic I went to when I was thirteen, and with all the babies I’ve ever been around—I never cared!” It all just came out as I tugged at my hair. “I don’t know how to do anything! And I can’t believe I dragged you into this mess.” I buried my face in my hands, eager to stop sobbing.
“Hey.” Rob grabbed my arms and pulled my hands away. “Stop it.”
I looked up at him, not quite used to the tone in his voice. His eyes blazed, yet tears formed in the corners.
“You did not drag me into this.” He held my face in his hands as he spoke, but I looked away. “Hey, hey. Look at me. You did not drag me into this, alright? I want this. And you know, I know I haven’t always given a ringing endorsement for kids but this one is ours. This is our baby.”
“But look at us,” I whispered. “We’re practically failing the class!”
“We’re not being graded, love.” He tried to smile encouragingly. Rob stared at me for a second. “You’re going to be fantastic. Really, you are.” I studied him briefly, picking up the same distress in his eyes.
“You will too, you know?”