After Tonight

I heard a faint whisper as I drifted between sleep and consciousness. I smiled softly. Rob had recently taken up talking to my stomach whenever he thought I couldn’t hear him. He claimed he was too embarrassed to do it in front of me. I nestled further into my pillow, attempting to hide the smile that was forming on my lips. Rob continued his quiet conversation, occasionally rubbing his hand over my swollen belly. I desperately wanted to know what he was saying, but I never asked.
He loved to sing to the bump too. I’d feel his scratchy stubble against my skin or, through the fabric of my shirt, and then the gentle lull of his voice would lead me into a sleepy haze. He sang anything, any song that came to mind at any given moment. Sometimes it would be blues, or sometimes it would be folk. Sometimes he’d just make it up as he went along. Rob guaranteed me if nothing else, he would make sure his baby loved music.
…
“No, Robert.” Susan sighed and marched over to where we stood. “You need to support the head, like this.”
I elbowed Rob as Susan grabbed the baby from his hands. She demonstrated the proper way before handing the doll back. As she walked away, she cast one more look of disapproval our way. Come to find out, this wasn’t an ordinary Lamaze class. According to Susan, we would be learning “everything it takes to be great mommies and daddies”. She was really starting to annoy us.
“I think…I’ve got this…” Rob’s brow knitted in concentration as he adjusted the doll in his hands. Without warning, the head rolled off and landed on the floor with a loud crack. The other parents looked at us in despair.
“You decapitated our baby,” I said flatly, trying not to laugh as I watched Rob hold the headless baby doll.
“Like that will ever happen at home.” He looked around frantically, trying to nudge the head underneath the table without anyone seeing.
“It might if I let you hold it.”
“Oh sod off, will you?” By now a grin was emerging on his lips. One more look and we were both in hysterics.
“Oh! Oh no!” Susan rushed to our sides once again. “This, this cannot happen! If your child’s head is not supported, this will happen!” I heard Emily laughing at the station across from us. It hadn’t taken us a long time to figure out that Susan was one for theatrics.
“This is no laughing matter,” Susan looked upward and closed her eyes. “Let’s put you two over at the formula station. Hmm? How does that sound?”
In less than two months, Rob and I had become the worst soon-to-be-parents in the class. First, there was that whole thing with the birthing videos—which we again laughed aloud about during a later showing. Then I knocked over the diaper cart scattering Huggies and Pampers across the floor. When my plastic, yet seemingly real baby doll threw up on my shirt, I did too. Between the two of us, there were three, now four, damaged baby dolls. It was only a matter of time before we got kicked out.
So, to ensure us a spot on the short list of parenting class dropouts, we set the stove on fire.
Is it possible to fail this sort of thing? Who uses the stove to make formula anyway? Isn’t that what a microwave is for?

Rob’s P.O.V.
“So I here you owe one hundred dollars to the Plastic Doll Rehab Facility.” Tom wiped the condensation from his beer bottle.
“It’s probably going to come out to a lot more than that,” I chuckled as took a drink. We were sitting at the bar. Abbey and Grace were pulling somewhat of an all-nighter at the bakery—a wedding order.
Listening to Abbey talk about all these wedding cakes she was decorating made me wonder if she ever thought about our own wedding. Of all the things we had to talk about, we’d somehow skipped over that one. I noticed that somewhere between slapping me and moving back in, she’d donned her engagement ring once again.
“How’s that class going?”
“How does it sound like it’s going?” I cracked my knuckles. “It’s a fucking nightmare.”
“I was just asking to show my support,” Tom laughed. “That bad, eh?”
“So what, you break a couple of dolls—you’re not going to crack the head off of yours.”
“Unless I drop it—”
“Which you won’t.”
“Yeah,” I muttered bitterly. “We’ll see about that.”
“Well I’m sure Grace’s excitement can make up for what you’re lacking. She hasn’t stopped talking about it since Abbey found out. I’m kind of worried.” Tom made a face.
“What exactly is going on with you guys…you moved in…you getting married?”
“I don’t know. Right now it’s good how it is, so I guess we’ll see.”
“I still can’t believe you’re with Abbey’s sister.”
“Yeah, well I can’t believe there’s going to be a little person running around with your face.”
You and me both, man. You and me both.