The Beat Goes On

By the time we pulled up to the clinic, my hands were a clammy mess. Per usual, Rob donned his shades and beanie. I merely shoved some sunglasses on my face and haphazardly pulled my hair into a pony tail. We were pros at this. To our surprise, the cameras hadn’t followed us. I hoped that it meant Rob was old news.
“Abbey, come on.” Rob gently guided me through the doors. “Love, it’s alright.”
I hadn’t spoken to him all morning and had practically punctured holes in his hand with my nails on the ride over. Ella was staying with Allie for the day. She thought Mom and Dad were going to get her Christmas presents. It was August. Neither of us figured that excuse would work.
The inside of the clinic was grey. All of it. Cold, sterile, shiny grey. It took every bit of self-control I had in me not to run away as Rob lead me to the receptionist. I stopped in my tracks, several time, but he carefully pulled me along. The woman behind the counter eyed me suspiciously as Rob scrawled my name across the patient list. For a second, I thought she might recognize him. But the more I tried to keep my tears from falling, the softer her smile grew.
“The doctor will be with you in a moment.”
I nodded.
Rob and I sat down in the lobby, staring at anything but each other. He tried to comfort me, quietly squeezing my hand, but every time he reached for me I flinched. In two hours, I would no longer have a baby. My heart ached. I dropped my head into my hands and began to sob. Rob, not knowing what to say, pulled me into his chest and kissed my forehead. I heard the receptionist’s heels clicking as she walked down the hallway.
“Abbey…” I felt his lips on my cheeks and thought that how in any other situation, I would have been worlds better.
“I can’t…” I sniffed.
He let me go with a sigh. Rob’s head dropped and he rubbed his temples. When he looked up, he ran his hands through his hair.
“Why not?” His voice was strained. I couldn’t even answer him.
I sunk down in my chair, feeling absolutely terrible. What was I thinking, playing the guilt trip to my husband like that?
“Rob, I’m sorry—”
“You don’t have to do this,” he muttered.
My world stopped. The breath in my lungs got stuck in my chest, making me gasp for air. I quickly wiped tears from my eyes, blankly staring at Rob. Had he really just uttered those words?
“What?”
“Fuck.” He shook his head and exhaled sharply. “I talked to Dr. Valler the other day…I, you don’t have to go through with this. I can’t do this to you.”
“Are you serious?” My fingers wrapped tightly around his hand, most likely cutting off his circulation.
“You just have to promise me that you’ll be careful.” He looked me square in the eye. “You have to, alright? Everything that the doctor says to do as a precaution, you must do.”
“Rob.”
“No excuses. We’re going to eat the right things, do the right…whatever…and you’re going on bed rest as soon as it’s necessary—”
“Rob—”
“—I am not going to lose you this time.”