Tonight, Not Again
Kind of Kinky
“So what are we doing?” I walked down the sidewalk with Rob, gingerly sipping from a coffee cup.
He only looked at me, smiling, and slid his hand onto my lower back. Things had been different since the party. While I was never any good at reading someone’s body language, I liked to think that it proved I wasn’t absolutely crazy for thinking that whatever was going on between us had evolved into something more. But then again I could never be sure. My newest guilty pleasure was peeking through the tabloids, either in hopes of seeing pictures of Rob and myself, or just pictures of him (I just liked to look at him). However, Rob was never alone. If he wasn’t in a picture with me he was in a picture with another woman, or a group of people standing absurdly close to a woman. Needless to say, I had been really trying to not get carried away when he showed me affection somewhere other than a bedroom.
“I need some books.” He casually led me into the Promenade’s bookstore. “There was one I wanted you to read, but it has mysteriously gone missing so I’m getting a new one for you.”
I nodded and breathed in the smell of new paperbacks. If he was comfortable enough to buy me a book, than I should be able to tell him that I loved him. Or some version of that.
“I’m going to head over there,” I left his grasp and started toward the other side of the store. “I read about this book in a magazine…I want to see if they have it.”
I quickly walked away and lost myself in the fiction section. There was no book. I just needed to breathe. If Rob knew the effect he had on women I was sure he wouldn’t be wasting his time lollygagging with some simpleton in a bookstore. But what about when he told me I was beautiful? What if he felt something for me? Was it possible that I didn’t have to pretend anymore?
I had grown so tired of pretending. Adrienne interrogated me daily, making sure I hadn’t lost my mind and jumped into something I shouldn’t have jumped into. My mother called every so often when she felt I needed to be reminded that I was young and shouldn’t be so involved with one man. Once word hit that I was spending time with Rob, my sisters regularly sent me emails when they read something about him dating a co-star.
So with everyone on my back, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I kept the truth to myself. Nobody knew that what I felt for Rob was no longer lust, or a need to avenge Brett. Keeping it that way was the tricky part.
…
I wandered through endless aisles, all promoting that month’s staff book choice. I could have cared less.
Rob wanted to me read a book. He took me into consideration and thought it was something I would like. That had to mean something…then again, he could want to share his books with all of his friends. Sharing was a hard-pressed subject in kindergarten, maybe he just really picked up on it. Brett and I never read the same books. If I asked him to pick out a book for me, he’d pick up the first thing with Oprah’s seal of approval and tell me that it was something I’d really enjoy.
My cyclical thinking only made my brain hurt. If I wanted to tell Rob how I felt about him, I should just get on with it. Who cared what everyone else said? Were they the ones feeling as mixed up as I was most of their waking hours?
With my newfound confidence, I started out to find Rob. He wasn’t hard to find—several people had cornered him waving copies of the Twilight saga in his face.
Not wanting to get into another mess, I casually stepped over to the next aisle—Love and Sex. I always thought this section was sort of a joke—what was the point really? I mean, you weren’t going to get any by reading about it. I pulled a book off the shelf, purely out of amusement, and slowly flipped through the pages. I blushed and cleared my throat, astounded by the pictures. Rob would probably be really good at that…
“Doing some research?”
I gasped, quite loudly, as I jumped forward. I felt two arms wrangle me back in and then someone’s breath on my neck.
“I, uh, I was just wandering around.” I glanced back at Rob’s smiling face.
“Yes, because I too typically like to take a peek at Tantric Sex manuals.” He winked and I felt his warm lips on the base of my neck. Blush crept into my cheeks but I regained my composure.
“I figured.”
He shook his head and snatched the book from my hands, dangling it above my head.
“What have we got here?” His eyes widened. “Multiple orgasms…well, Zoey. I have to admit I am quite surprised. I thought we were doing just fine.”
The older woman at the end of the row looked up at Rob, narrowing her eyes. I smacked his arm and stalked out of the aisle.
“Hey!” He loped after me, grabbing onto my arm. Leaning closer, he whispered in my ear. “See anything you wanted to try out?”
I raised my eyebrows and sunk into his side. His arm felt so nice wrapped around my shoulder.
“Because if there is…”
“Rob.”
“You should let me know…yeah?”
It was now or never. I had to tell this idiot rambling about sex positions that I wanted to be with him.
“I was wondering, erm, if—”
“Oh my god!” A gaggle of teenagers stopped ahead of us. “You’re Robert Pattinson!”
I could always tell him the next day.
He only looked at me, smiling, and slid his hand onto my lower back. Things had been different since the party. While I was never any good at reading someone’s body language, I liked to think that it proved I wasn’t absolutely crazy for thinking that whatever was going on between us had evolved into something more. But then again I could never be sure. My newest guilty pleasure was peeking through the tabloids, either in hopes of seeing pictures of Rob and myself, or just pictures of him (I just liked to look at him). However, Rob was never alone. If he wasn’t in a picture with me he was in a picture with another woman, or a group of people standing absurdly close to a woman. Needless to say, I had been really trying to not get carried away when he showed me affection somewhere other than a bedroom.
“I need some books.” He casually led me into the Promenade’s bookstore. “There was one I wanted you to read, but it has mysteriously gone missing so I’m getting a new one for you.”
I nodded and breathed in the smell of new paperbacks. If he was comfortable enough to buy me a book, than I should be able to tell him that I loved him. Or some version of that.
“I’m going to head over there,” I left his grasp and started toward the other side of the store. “I read about this book in a magazine…I want to see if they have it.”
I quickly walked away and lost myself in the fiction section. There was no book. I just needed to breathe. If Rob knew the effect he had on women I was sure he wouldn’t be wasting his time lollygagging with some simpleton in a bookstore. But what about when he told me I was beautiful? What if he felt something for me? Was it possible that I didn’t have to pretend anymore?
I had grown so tired of pretending. Adrienne interrogated me daily, making sure I hadn’t lost my mind and jumped into something I shouldn’t have jumped into. My mother called every so often when she felt I needed to be reminded that I was young and shouldn’t be so involved with one man. Once word hit that I was spending time with Rob, my sisters regularly sent me emails when they read something about him dating a co-star.
So with everyone on my back, for reasons unbeknownst to me, I kept the truth to myself. Nobody knew that what I felt for Rob was no longer lust, or a need to avenge Brett. Keeping it that way was the tricky part.
…
I wandered through endless aisles, all promoting that month’s staff book choice. I could have cared less.
Rob wanted to me read a book. He took me into consideration and thought it was something I would like. That had to mean something…then again, he could want to share his books with all of his friends. Sharing was a hard-pressed subject in kindergarten, maybe he just really picked up on it. Brett and I never read the same books. If I asked him to pick out a book for me, he’d pick up the first thing with Oprah’s seal of approval and tell me that it was something I’d really enjoy.
My cyclical thinking only made my brain hurt. If I wanted to tell Rob how I felt about him, I should just get on with it. Who cared what everyone else said? Were they the ones feeling as mixed up as I was most of their waking hours?
With my newfound confidence, I started out to find Rob. He wasn’t hard to find—several people had cornered him waving copies of the Twilight saga in his face.
Not wanting to get into another mess, I casually stepped over to the next aisle—Love and Sex. I always thought this section was sort of a joke—what was the point really? I mean, you weren’t going to get any by reading about it. I pulled a book off the shelf, purely out of amusement, and slowly flipped through the pages. I blushed and cleared my throat, astounded by the pictures. Rob would probably be really good at that…
“Doing some research?”
I gasped, quite loudly, as I jumped forward. I felt two arms wrangle me back in and then someone’s breath on my neck.
“I, uh, I was just wandering around.” I glanced back at Rob’s smiling face.
“Yes, because I too typically like to take a peek at Tantric Sex manuals.” He winked and I felt his warm lips on the base of my neck. Blush crept into my cheeks but I regained my composure.
“I figured.”
He shook his head and snatched the book from my hands, dangling it above my head.
“What have we got here?” His eyes widened. “Multiple orgasms…well, Zoey. I have to admit I am quite surprised. I thought we were doing just fine.”
The older woman at the end of the row looked up at Rob, narrowing her eyes. I smacked his arm and stalked out of the aisle.
“Hey!” He loped after me, grabbing onto my arm. Leaning closer, he whispered in my ear. “See anything you wanted to try out?”
I raised my eyebrows and sunk into his side. His arm felt so nice wrapped around my shoulder.
“Because if there is…”
“Rob.”
“You should let me know…yeah?”
It was now or never. I had to tell this idiot rambling about sex positions that I wanted to be with him.
“I was wondering, erm, if—”
“Oh my god!” A gaggle of teenagers stopped ahead of us. “You’re Robert Pattinson!”
I could always tell him the next day.