Pirate Smile

Jared's P.O.V.

“So,” I settled into the couch beside Holly. “Nashville…”
She rolled her eyes and nudged my leg with her toes.
“Why don’t you just stay here?”

We sat in silence for a moment, drinking down the now lukewarm coffee. It was still fairly early—Delilah hadn’t even woken up yet. Holly had the day off and had abandoned the thought of changing out of her faded night shirt.

“What if I wanted to stay in Chicago?” I stared at the silver glitter nail polish on her fingers as she tapped her coffee mug. They looked like Ziggy Stardust painted them.
“Well then I would say we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
“So what, are you taking a detour to the bridge to Nashville then, or just avoiding that one altogether?”
She sighed.
“There is just so much for me to think about, Jared. It’s not like I can just pick up and go, there’s a kid involved now.”
“Half of her is mine, ya’ know?” I was pleading with her and I honestly, honestly felt the longing.
Holly stood up and hovered over me. She softly pushed back my hair, staring at me. I had to close my eyes to avoid the intensity of her gaze.
“Oh, I know.”
I watched as she walked away, head down. Holly mindlessly put on another a pot of coffee, distracted.
“I am so fucking tired,” she muttered.
“Hey,” I walked up behind her, slipping my hand onto the small of her back. She shrugged out of my embrace, irritated.
“I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.” She threw her hands up over her head, blinking away tears. “I’m in a constant fight with myself, every fucking day over the choices I’ve made and if I’m doing what’s best for my kid. But you know what? I don’t fucking know anymore. It was wrong to keep you away, but I just can’t let myself jump into this!”
“Holly,” I stepped toward her again. “I’m sorry—”
“No.” She rubbed her eyes. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for doing this to you and to her. I don’t know what to do anymore, so please—please just make all my fucking decisions for me.”
I pulled her rigid frame against my chest. When she relaxed in my arms, giving me an inch and I took a mile.
“It’s OK.” I pressed my lips against her temple. She gave in, letting herself nestle into my side.
“I just—there’s no way I can go home and forget about this, or see Delilah whenever the time is right.” The words were just pouring out of that little nook inside my head, the one that wanted to settle down with Holly and Delilah. My family. “I really want to be there for her. And you.”
Holly nodded, wiping her eyes. She hoisted herself onto her toes and planted the briefest kiss on my lips. I was too taken aback to savor it.

“It’s Muffin Day.”
We broke apart quickly at the sound of Delilah’s whisper.
My pint-sized little girl trudged into the kitchen, stopping beside me. Her braids were all askew and her polka-dotted pants were hanging a little low. She blinked several times, her lashes smacking against one another, and slowly awakened.
“It’s Muffin Day,” she repeated with a little more gusto.
Muffin Day, I learned, was when Holly had a Saturday off. They were rare and needed to be celebrated, which meant that I had to run down to the bakery across the street and buy breakfast.
I lifted her into my arms, poking her stomach. She squirmed, giggling softly.
“Are you hungry already, squirt?”
Delilah smiled slowly, nodding, and rested her head in the crook of my neck. She jerked away with an unhappy frown.
“You’re poky.” She rubbed the sides of my face, trying to figure out why I felt like sandpaper. It had been at least a month since I’d last shaved.
“Yeah?” I smiled, feeling my cheek.
“Yeah,” she agreed. “And your hair looks like…a wooster.” I had been trying to teach her some digs all week long—it was our little side project.
“Yeah, Followill.” Holly smirked as she piled the enormous muffins onto a plate. “You look like a rooster.”
“What’s that?” Delilah cocked her head to the side, eyes wavering between my face and the muffin calling her name.
“What’s what?”
“A…falla…will…?”
“My last name.”
“Oh…” she looked at me thoughtfully. “What’s mine?”
I looked at Holly, raising my eyebrows, but her eyes never met mine.
“…Finn, babe. Like mine.”
As I helped Delilah into a chair, I wondered what her birth certificate actually said or whether or not any trace of me was on there at all.
“What ‘tind did you get?” Delilah eyed everyone else’s breakfast before taking a big bite. Crumbs stuck to the corners of her mouth and the tip of her nose.
“Same as you, kid.”

…

Holly's P.O.V.

“Good thing we got out here when we did.” Jared led Delilah across the pier. “But we might have to take a rain check on that swim, kid.”
I followed behind them, watching as Delilah watched his every move. She loved having him around, and he appeared to be feeling the same. Her eyes brightened as he lifted her onto the railing to get a better look at the lake. He handled her so delicately, like a porcelain doll.
I had the day off, which meant another outing of Delilah’s choosing. She wanted to swim and of course, the weatherman was calling for rain the one day we could get out.
The sky was a little grey, but it was still hotter than Hell so we figured we would press our luck.
“Why?” She pouted a little, laying it on thick enough so that Jared knitted his forehead apologetically.
“See those clouds?” He pointed out across the water, steadying her with his other hand. Delilah squinted.
I rested against the railing beside them.
“But I’m hot.” She over annunciated her T.
Jared looked at me, shrugging. He didn’t know whether or not to tell her it was okay.
“We should get down there then.” I felt my hand travel to his back, happily resting between his shoulder blades. What a Kodak moment. He frowned at first, confused by my gesture, but a smile took its place almost instantly. I quickly reached down to pick up the beach bag.

Delilah dug her toes into the sand, grinning. She quickly looked over her shoulder at me before she took off toward the water, stopping abruptly at the edge.
“What is she doing?” Jared brushed sand of his hands.
“She’s testing it.”
“Jesus Christ.” He shook his head. “Go for it!”
Looking back at her cheerleader, she launched herself into the small tide.
“So,” he sat down on the towel beside me. “Do we swim too?”
“I usually only go in up to my shorts.” I gestured to my jean cutoffs. “She doesn’t really go much further than that.”
Jared ran a hand through his hair. It stuck straight up. He had that determined gleam in his eyes.
“This morning...” he casually rolled his head in my direction. “Was that a yes?”
All week long he’d been asking that Delilah and I fly back to Nashville with him for a couple of weeks. He would be leaving in a few days, and I could tell he wasn’t really ready to. I wasn’t sure whether or not I was either.
“Shit, you’re relentless.” I waved him off. Little did he know I’d been leaning towards buying two plane tickets since breakfast.
He frowned.
“Well,” he replied with a sigh. “I guess you asked for it then.”
I was off my butt and into his arms before I could even guess what he’d meant.
“Don’t you dare.” I scowled, flicking his shoulder as he carried me off to the water. We started getting closer, picking up more speed.
“Jared!” I shrieked, unable to help myself.
“What are you doing?” Delilah asked as she watched with wide eyes.
“Your mom wanted to swim.”
She snickered, wading out behind him.
“Delilah,” I looked over Jared’s shoulder as we were both shaking with laughter. “Watch your step, alright?”
I saw her nod once before my back hit the water.

“Funny.” I pushed hair out of my face, trying to keep a stern expression.
“Yeah?” Jared backpedaled, grinning stupidly.
“Yeah.” I splashed him and he turn to run. He lifted Delilah up into his arms, holding her up as his defense.
I started to chase him but he took off with Delilah in tow, skimming her feet along the water and occasionally pretending to drop her. She hooted with laughter, trying to splash me when she got the chance. He twirled her around a few times more, catching my smile, before he placed her back on her feet.

Nashville was looking better already.

Delilah sighed contentedly as she stretched out on her towel. Jared had chased her across the sand until she finally collapsed and he had to drag her back. I knew she’d be out cold pretty quickly that night. The sun had decided to make a brief appearance so I’d laid out our towels. I noticed Jared staring at me.

“What?” I smirked.
“I’m having fun,” he stated as he pushed his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. “A lot of fun.”
Smiling, I reclined back on my elbows and tilted my face toward the sun. For once, I was too.

…

“She’s asleep.” I quietly walked back into the living room and sat down beside Jared on the floor. He handed me my bowl of pasta. “Thank you.”
When we had moments to ourselves, we tried to catch up. I asked him about his family, the band—which were really the same thing—if he still listened to The Pixies. He asked me if I liked my life.
“Jared.” There was not a single question he could ask me that wouldn’t lead to a discussion about my decisions and regrets.
“Holly, you’re not doing what you wanted to do.” He was serious, a side that I was starting to see more and more of. “This is not the life you wanted and I know it. You won’t admit it because you think it would mean that you don’t love your daughter, but it doesn’t mean that at all.”
I felt a lump in my throat. I spoke his name once more, but it hardly left my tongue.
What a fucking tear-fest these couple of weeks had turned into.
“Yes,” I managed to say as my eyes welled up. “I like my life.”

Collapsing onto my back, I stared at the watermark on the corner of the ceiling. Couldn’t he just leave well enough alone? Yes, I dropped out of college. Yes, I was working retail instead of my dream job. Yes, I hardly had a social life. No, I had no previous plans of changing any of that.

I felt him lying beside me, his chin resting on my shoulder.
“Will you please just let me make you happy?”
I turned my head, letting myself mentally trace the features of his face. He stared back at me, eyes wide with sincerity. And then he kissed me.

It was slow at first, like he was testing his boundaries. But I wasn’t putting any up, not that night. His hand left my cheek and grazed along my side before settling on my hip. He pulled me closer as his kissing became frenzied. We both frantically reached for one another. My fingers tangled in his hair and his gripped the small of my back. My body felt electrified.
He rolled on top of me, straddling me and pinning my arms above my head. I couldn’t take it, him being so far away. His lips trailed down my neck. I felt him smile against my skin as he got the reaction he’d been looking for.
His fingers strayed to the button on my jeans, but I had enough sense left to stop him.

“Not tonight,” I murmured, capturing his lips again. “Or here.”
We still had a certain four-year-old to think about.
He nodded, pressing his fully-clothed body against mine.
God, it felt good to be home.