Pirate Smile

“Quite moping, man.” Matt looked at me as he flicked a poker chip in my direction. “So what, you’re not with Alisa anymore—at least you never got married. That would be rough.”
“Shut up.”
“I’m just saying—lots of legal shit.”

I swirled my beer around in the bottle, waiting for Nathan to deal the cards. Ever since Alisa threw the ring at my head and stormed out, I’d been wondering whether or not I’d sabotaged my own engagement. It was possible, very possible. We met three days after Holly Finn kicked me out of her life. Had she been a rebound? Absolutely—Caleb only reminded her of that every time he saw her.

“I thought she was crazy anyway,” Caleb muttered as he fanned out his cards. “She didn’t compliment you.”
“Compliment him?” Matt laughed and Nathan rolled his eyes. “What the fuck, Dr. Laura?”

The four of us were sitting in the hotel bar, in Chicago. We had a show in two days. It was one of those rare occasions we actually got to enjoy the city before we flew out.

“Hey,” I looked up from my hand. “You think she’s still here?”
“Alisa?” Matt looked confused. “Was she ever here?”
“He’s not talking about her.” Nathan looked over the top of his glasses.
“Are you kidding me?” Caleb took a drink and snorted. “You’re still hung up on her?”

Holly was a bit of a sore subject. Not only had she vanished from my life, but my brothers’ as well. They loved her like she was a Followill, and I don’t think they had forgiven her for not saying goodbye.

“I hope you didn’t fuck things up with Alisa just because you think you and Holly have some sort of destiny.”
“No—”
“Well get the fuck over it.” Caleb hollered, despite the fact he was sitting across from me. “She doesn’t want to see you.”

I gave up the beer and grabbed the whiskey. There was no way I was going to make it through the rest of this conversation sober.

…

The morning sun was no friend of mine. I’d woken up with a headache, just as I expected. I pulled the pillow over my head, groaning. After losing several games of poker, and drinking enough whiskey to take down an elephant, I passed out sometime around three. I spent the entire night imagining what I would say to Holly if I ever saw her and the alcohol just made her hypothetical responses better and better.

“Wanna’ go out?” Matt appeared beside the bed, kicking the mattress. I grunted, rubbing my face, as I looked at the clock. It was two-thirty in the afternoon.
“Fuck, man.” I rolled out of bed, shielding my eyes until I located my sunglasses. “Are you kidding me?”

…

I debated about a hundred times whether or not I should wear my jacket. It was stupid. Why the fuck would I care if I had a jacket on? I’d pick it up, set it down, walk away, and pick it back up again. It was at least seventy degrees outside, which made it all the more pointless.
“Dude,” Matt looked at me. “What the fuck are you doing?”
“I, uh, jacket? Or no jacket?”
“Where are you going, the Yukon? It’s fuckin’ eighty degrees out tonight.”
Alright, so I was off by ten degrees.
“No jacket.” I shrugged out of it and straightened my t-shirt. As I walked by a confused looking Matt, I glanced in the mirror.
I still looked like shit. And I totally blamed my brothers and their liquor for that.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” I muttered, letting the door slam shut behind me.