Pirate Smile

Holly’s apartment wasn’t too far from the hotel—which was why I’d always picked that place—but I took my time walking. We’d been in the city a few years back, but by that point I hated her. I wasn’t in my right mind.

A part of me knew I shouldn’t have been surprised about her decision. The long-distance, semi-annual relationship was rough on each of us, but I couldn’t let it go. We were young and trying to get our lives together, and we could never get on the same wave-length but I knew she was it for me. I’d known that since she’d sucker-punched me after I tried to kiss her at the school dance.

…

I was uncharacteristically cautious as I approached her building, waving my finger in front of her call button several times before actually slamming it down. As I opened my mouth to say something, a tired voice cut me off.
“Chinese?”
“Er, yeah.” Kicking the side of the building, I muttered a few choice words.
“Come on up.”

My palms started to sweat as I took the stairs two at a time. She was probably dating some jackass with a nine to five job, and the odds were she’d slap me across the face. I could vaguely recall the last time she slapped me, partly because I hadn’t been very conscious before that and partly because I staggered backward and smacked my head against the wall. However, I do remember Holly crying the entire way she drove me to the hospital.

I started to get warm. It was like that feeling you get when you’re heating from the inside out on an airplane and there is nothing you can do about it because some jackass stuck his gum on the air nozzle. I lost all feeling in my throat. This was a fucking terrible, terrible idea.

Popping my knuckles, I tried to talk myself down. I counted to fifty before I knocked, and stepped back in case she came out swinging. This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be between us. This girl was my best friend.

When there was no answer, I knocked again. The door swung open, and from the expression on her face I knew I was the last person she was expecting to show up at her door. A tidal wave of feelings consumed my body—my head was spinning, my skin was tingling, my heart was racing.

She hadn’t changed a bit—still beautiful, still Holly.

I started to say something and my words got stuck somewhere in my throat.

“Hey.”
“Jared.” Her brown eyes were wide with surprise. Or was it terror?
“You, uh, you look great.” I brushed some hair away from my eyes and shoved my hands in my pockets.
“What are you doing here?” Holly stepped into the hall and closed the door slightly.
“I needed to see you.” I took a step closer and ran a hand through my hair. I was sweating bullets. “I miss you.”
Holly closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, tucking some her long, honey-colored hair behind her ear.
“I can’t believe you’re here.” Holly’s voice wavered a bit. She pressed her back against the door as she thought for a moment. “Aren’t you engaged…or married?”
I watched her eyes drift toward my left hand. I shook my head.
“This has been Hell for me, Holly, not having you.” The guys would have laughed their white asses off if they heard me talking like this.
“Jared,” Her voice trailed off as she quickly glanced into her apartment. “You can’t just show up here.”
“Why not?” She was acting strangely, standoffish even. “Shit, you’re with someone?”
My voice had started getting louder, purely out of habit from going at it with the guys. Craning my neck, I tried to see over her shoulder. My heart plummeted into my stomach.
“No, I’m not.”
“Well than what’s the big deal?” Her lips parted slightly as if she was going to respond.
I was about to speak, most likely gearing up to say a whole lot of things I would regret five minutes later, when we were interrupted.
“Momma?”

At first, I thought my ears were just ringing—a possible delayed side-effect from my monstrous hangover. But then it registered and my eyes followed the voice. Holly had gone quiet, her eyes as wide as fucking baseballs.

The walls suddenly seemed to be a little closer than they were when I first arrived. The kid couldn’t have been any taller than my knees and she just stared up at me with big blue eyes. I froze. There was something there—something that made my chest tighten and limbs feel like Jell-O.

She smiled bashfully as she leaned against the door and looked up at me. I smiled—or at least that I was told my mouth to do, but I was sure it was still hanging wide open.

“Holly?”

My head felt light. I needed to catch my bearings.