Far From Over: A Billie Joe Story

"Yeah," I say. "I know." She blinks tiredly.

"No one gets sleep up there," she whispers. "Someone's always screaming from nightmares and punching the walls or breaking glass windows... usually I was the one that did the shit that kept everyone up." Her easy use of curse words really makes me wonder what's been going through her head.

"El..."

"Don't say you're sorry. You've said you're sorry to me fifty seven times." I stare at her for a few seconds.

"You counted?"

"What else am I supposed to do when I'm locked in a white room with nothing but a bed and my memories? It might sound crazy but they have anything up there that can knock someone out if they get too out of hand."

"Did they ever have to use some of it on you?" She chuckles darkly.

"All the time. Almost every night because no one could sleep with me making such ruckus." I mean... I could stay up there forever if they really think I can heal."

"But they don't."

"And how would you know that," she asks with acid in her tone.

"Because I know about everything that happened to you. Everything I did to you. I may not know how it felt, but I remember your screams and your pleads. I know you think I didn't notice, but I did. I noticed every single time you couldn't stand to be near me because you hated me so much and you were so afraid."

"You didn't care about what you did-"

"Yes, Ellie, I did. I always cared. I just never did anything about it. When Susan put you through that experiement, that's when I truly realized what I was doing to you. Hearing you scream like that... I hated it."

"But any time you were fucking me"-I cringe-"you wanted me to scream. Now you're thinking I'm gonna believe that you hated hearing it? You're lying through your teeth, Billie Joe."

"No I'm not-"

"Oh yes you are. You really must wanna meet Satan, because you're no doubt going to hell."

"Not if I kill myself-"

"You will. Everyone in In-Between knows who you are because of what you've done to me. Not because you're in Green Day. They know that you are one of the sickest bastards that have ever walked this planet."

"So you're saying I wouldn't get accepted into the place you were?"

Of course not, douchebag! How stupid are you, Christian says, sounding really pissed.

"I'm not stupid," I say out loud. Ellie looks at me oddly, but then her expression turns understanding after a second.

"Imagine dealing with that for months,"' she says quietly. "A voice in your head always criticizing your choices. Always yelling at you for not telling someone that you never did and never will get over what's happened to you. It sucks, Billie, more than you could ever think."

"It's only been a few days-"

"But soon it'll turn into a few weeks and then a few months. Maybe even a few years. Or a few decades... if you live that long."

Hopefully he doesn't, Christian coughs.

"Shut up, Christian," I yell. He snickers, but doesn't say anything else.

"It's getting unbearable, having voices in your head," Ellie says, showing no emotion. I sigh.

"Gloria hasn't said anything for a while, so i don't know where she is-"

"She's more of an observer. Right now she's just watching everything to see how it all plays out."

"You know them pretty well, don't you?" She nods. "So tell me why Christian cares about you so much. He's always so protective over you, it's kind of sickening that a figment of your imagination can care so much."

"It's not like that-"

"I mean, they're out to make you miserable, aren't they? And they want to make you go crazy-"

"You're the one that made me go crazy, you fucker! Why do you think I killed myself, huh?!"

"Christian. He told you to, didn't he, Ellie? He told you it was the only way to solve your problems-"

"NO," she screams as tears form in her eyes. "He didn't want me to! I'm the one that told him what was gonna happen!"

"Why didn't he want you to? What made him think you living would help you? Why-"

"Because he is a real person, okay?! He is real!"

"So he killed himself, too."

"Yes! He didn't want me to make the same mistake he made! But then I met him in In-Between and I fell in love with him! In the short week that I was there, I fell in love!" My eyes widen as I just stare at her, utterly shocked.

"What...about...Tysen?" She takes a few deep breaths before saying anything.

"I still love him. But I'm gone." She looks down. "He'll never know I was even here-"

"Billie, we need to talk," Tysen yells, opening the front door. He immediately sees Ellie and freezes. After a few seconds of him gazing at El and El staring back, he slowly turns his head to look at me. "What. The. Fuck."