Epica!

Helena's Theme Part II

So warm his embrace. Like a warm vapor that flooded into the very core of her being. He pulled her closer with his hands wrapped tightly around her waist, softly kissing her nape soothing her. Sweat covered her thin shoulders that pressed tightly onto his chest. Her sweat or his, she did not know, only the weariness in her body and a tranquility of mind.

She was out of breath and somewhat sore, but his warmth eased her discomfort. He had weakened her, brought her to the very edge of a shuddering pleasure and then back again. All that was left was was each other. Helena shifted in bed, turning to face him. Ariel's chest still heaved slightly, his eyes were shut hiding those hazel eyes she had grown to adore like nothing else, but he was still awake. She ran her hand through his hair, pushing it back and away from his face. His eyes opened like welcoming the sun.

Tired and weary, Helena whispered, "I love you Ariel." Before drifting off to sleep. That warm vapor seeped into her dreams.

All consuming poisonous smoke. It nearly choked her when she entered that dreaded building. It was nothing like the warmth Ariel had emanated that night. It seemed impossible for him to exist in such a place. The further she travelled, the worse the dread built in her heart. What was Ariel doing in a brothel? It made her heart heavy, and tempted her to turn back.

He's in need of assistance. Marcus' words echoed in her head. Forward Helena ordered herself. Though her inner voice sounded less than a whisper.

No one would look her in eye. When the patrons walked by satisfied, they would blatantly stare yet they weren't looking at her. She was an object to them, nothing but a toy for them to play with. The thought sent chills down her spine.

The smoke in the halls set at the bottom of the floor like a fog that pulsated back and forth like waves. Every time she passes a particularly thick section of it, she swore she could hear a faint hissing coming from within the smoke. She tried to blame her aversion to it on childhood fears.

Out of her peripheral vision, Helena saw of the doors had been left open. She made the mistake of glancing inside. There was a man, naked and vigorously thrusting into a girl who seemed unaware of her surroundings. She moaned, arched her back in pleasure, but she just wasn't there. A faceless puppet.

Helena felt something drop inside her. It was as if she could see into all the rooms a once. In every room a woman addicted and a man willing to exploit her. Take advantage of her, then callously move along. She looked away. What could be done to save her if she was here of her own volition. How soon would it be before she came back?

Just keep walking forward.

Helena moved on, but the hallway continued. The inside of the brothel seemed to be larger in the inside, and she realized that the brothel had been built at a slight decline but the smog had disguised it so well. It was all an illusion. She had been descending the whole time. How deep did it go? All the rooms seemed to be identical. She had to be close to the end, she kept going.

There in the distance she saw a door painted pitch black like death itself. Go it echoed in her head. Turn back. She couldn't move. Suddenly she could hear everyone in the building. Sounds of pleasure and screams of pain. All of them coming to her in an instant.

Disoriented, Helena bolted forward. That door was the end of the line, there was no going forward after that. She charged through the door, opening it without so much of hitch.

And there he was resting causally against a black sofa with a naked woman on his lap. His shirt was gone and nowhere in sight. Helena's confusion evaporated and her heart froze over. It couldn't be possible. It couldn't be real.

"My, Helena," he turned to look at her. His hazel eyes stared with icy malice. "You finally made it." Same voice but with an indifferent tone. The girl on top of him wrapped her arms around his neck bringing her bare chest closer to his completely oblivious of Helena until Ariel snapped a quick. "Get out."

Obediently the girl stood up then turned back to him and asked, "One more?" and he just smiled, stood and brought up his closed hand. As he opened it he revealed two small chalky tablets that had seemed to be have been there the whole time. He then licked the ends of his fingers so the tablets stuck to his fingers then offered them to her.

She greedily licked them off his fingers. "You've been a good girl Hanna." he said as he would a dog and she went on her merry way. She passed Helena and went on her way as if she wasn't even there.

"Who are you?" Helena quickly asked as soon as she heard the door close behind her. The person in front of her wasn't her Ariel. There was no way. He looked the same, but that was all. The way he stood, and moved. Ariel was never that confident in his pose, nor eyes that vindictive.

"Are you blind? I'm your beloved Ari-"

"No you're not." Helena responded briskly and with affirmation. She remembered a scar on his chest, one that intrigued her when she saw it. It was gone in this impostor.

"Oh, you're right." he spoke. "How idiotic of me, how could I be so careless." He put his hand over his chest. When he lowered it a small scar had appeared. Helena inhaled sharply and in effort to calm herself released the air gently.

"What are you." Helena breathed out correcting herself. More than anything she wanted to have someway to defend herself. What stood in front of her was without a doubt something to be reckoned with. Something cruel and preparing it's strike. Harland had been a good fist fighter but there was only so much he could really teach Helena who was a great deal smaller.

"I've many names. Many faces and bodies." he unabashedly replied breaking his own facade.

As if on cue Helena felt a heaviness suddenly appear in her coat pocket. It wasn't there before, she was sure of it. However, she couldn't reach for it and tried not to think it of. That thing had a way of getting into her head and she would not allow it know she had something in her pocket.

"Demon." Helena spat with a sudden confidence and the feeling that she maybe, perhaps she wasn't entirely alone. She stood firm as he began a steady advance towards her.

"Clever girl, but demon is such a severe word. I am Asmodeus and I am merely a reflection of your inner most desires. Hating me is hating yourself."

"My innermost desires?" Helena glanced up and spotted herself on a great mirror that covered the whole ceiling.

"And that girl's." He said motioning towards the door where the girl had left. He stopped right in front of her. Then with a wicked grin said it said, "Even his."

"Liar!" she snapped immediately but that struck a cord with Helena. This thing seemed to know deep and personal things about Ariel that she did not. Or at least made it seem that way. She wasn't sure what to think. Helena had faith in Ariel, believed he would never be associated with this thing.

Yet here it was wearing his face telling her things she didn't want to hear. She wanted to trust her heart, but her head screamed logic at her.

"Maybe not so clever after all." He said and reached out and took a strand of her hair in his hand. "Why would I lie when I know the truth will hurt you more?"

Helena stepped away. Moved away until her back hit the wall. The door. Where had the door gone it certainly wasn't behind her anymore. "And so. . the lamb stumbles into the lion's den, unaware and feeble as is their nature." Helena glanced to her right, then to her left. It was gone. Panic quickly set in. Her mind muddled with a strange sensation and a desperate need.

"They all succumb to me eventually, desperate, even you." He advanced again. "I can feel how badly they want it, know what you crave most. And I am so good, I can give you what you want. I make them squeal like pigs, all of them." He pressed himself against her and she shrank away from his gaze unable to think clearly. He put his hands on her tense bare shoulders and immediately came a seething fire.

"But you." He grabbed her chin and forced her to look at him. That thing, no Ariel. It was harder to tell the difference with his eyes staring back like snares. "You only want one thing. You want him. Only him, like the foolish, meek, naive, pathetic lamb you are." He leaned in close. "But I can teach you. . "His words didn't matter, Helena couldn't hear them, she wanted nothing more than to pull him close and kiss him with all the passion she held for him. To have her naked body against his and have every worry melt away. She felt his breath on her face like the disorienting smoke in the hallway. His lips lightly brushed against hers. . .

"No!" She screamed and shoved it away with all her might into the shadows. "You're not him!" She reaffirmed, a sudden burst of clarity coming seemingly from nothing. "You're not him no matter how you look or what you do to me. You are not him. . ." She repeated lowly and fell to her knees inexplicably exhausted. Helena looked down at her bare arms to see that the only thing she currently wore was a blue satin nightgown. Her coat had vanished along with whatever advantage she had held in its pocket.

The room had gone dark, every part of it except a small radius around Helena. There was a cold malicious laughter from somewhere in the darkness followed by soft approaching footsteps. Helena felt weary, her legs refused to obey but her mind was her own along with an overwhelming sense of isolation.

"Now," a woman's husky voice came from the darkness. "That was something I haven't seen from your kind in such a long time." A woman dressed in shiny black leather and blood red hair emerged from the abyss. But even this appearance was a lie. "To betray your primal and instinctive impulse. Now that is something you don't see every century."

"Is this your true face demon?" a tired Helena responded growing weary with of its tricks.

"Oh, and after all it took for you to resist your own desires and you still insult me with that name. That truly is fascinating!" Asmodeus said and waved its hands in the air. The darkness surrounding them dissipated like smoke and they were back in the room as it was when Helena entered. The door was back, Helena noted instantly.

The demon stared at Helena through black eyes. "No." it finally responded with brutal honesty. "This is not my true face. Your meek kind could never fathom my true form. This is simply the form I prefer when I'm in your pathetic world." Helena stared back in shock and saw a smirk appear on Asmodeus' red lips. "You see. I'm no liar."

"That proves nothing. Tell me another truth," Helena said nothing that the door was now on the adjacent wall. "Why are you here? Why do you exist?" Helena asked she could slowly feel her strength returning, all she needed was time. Then she could figure out what to do. It was humoring her just before it was done with her, Helena understood that much.

"I exist, because humans are sinful. Without their own lustful desire for each other I would not exist." Helena quickly glanced up at the mirror in the ceiling as she spoke. The reflection was distant. "And I was summoned here to serve, does that answer your question? I to serve!" it laughed at the idea as if it was a joke only it understood. "I serve no one but myself. All of us do. I suppose, he knew that which why he chose to bind me to such a dull building. Not that I mind when so many willingly wander into my grasp."

"He?" Helena asked pushing even further. Using the wall as a support, she stood up again. "Who is he?" Who exactly was Ariel involved with. If she wanted answers this would be the moment for her to get any.

"The most magnificent being in existence my dear." Asmodeus said with twisted devotion. "A savior and the destroyer, all good and every evil the like of which a mere human will never hope to understand."

"And what would this person say if he knew you were telling me all this?" Helena growing bold once again. She felt rejuvenated and the feeling of not being alone returned. "If I told all of this to Ariel."

"It doesn't matter." Asmodeus said with finality. "You will never see Ariel again to tell him."

"What have you done to him?!" Helena exclaimed immediately thinking the worst. Any future where he didn't exist she didn't want to be a part of.

"To him? Nothing he didn't do to himself already." Asmodeus laughed cruelly. "You should be asking me what it is that I am going to do to you."

Asmodeus was done answering questions. The demon only stared back with a menacing smile. Helena's time was up.

Moving faster than she ever thought possible Helena bolted towards the door. She reached out, felt the cool metal of the doorknob before hearing a sharp crack and something wrap around her ankle that pulled her back. Helena fell flat on her stomach a mere inches away from the door. With another yank, she felt herself being pulled back into the heart of the room.

She turned in an attempt to untangle her her ankle only to feel the pointy heel of a boot on her left clavicle shove her down. Asmodeus loomed over clutching tightly onto the handle of the bull whip. With the flick of her wrist it unraveled from Helena's ankle.

"You really have spirit girl. That's something I haven't seen for a long time. I'd even go as far saying you are unique," It seethed while digging the heel of her boot deeper into Helena's shoulder. Helena winced and attempted to remove her foot but it felt as unmovable as the trunk of a tree. "For what reason I cannot say exactly other than the sinking sensation that someone is watching over you and that's what makes it so curious. Why, of all people, you?" Her heel sank deeper and Helena cried out in pain. She wasn't alone. Never alone.

"Maybe. . ." Helena said through gritted teeth, thinking back to all the debates she had with the captain. "I know His love. . ." Just like the heaviness that had appeared in her coat pocket, something had materialized in her right hand. A warm metal that Asmodeus failed to notice and Helena instantly recognized by shape. "But you will only ever know. . ." she quickly raised up a silver pistol from her side and said, "His fury!" and she fired.

For a fraction of a moment, it was silent. The bullet that made her stagger off Helena entered her bottom jaw and it came out the top of her head at some point as the mirror ceiling shattered. Black blood splattered onto Helena staining her blue satin nightgown. Then the noise came; the shattering of glass, and the roaring of Asmodeus.

"YOU BITCH!!" it screamed in guttural voice while clawing at the open wounds. Helena stood and touched her left shoulder to gauge the damage. Almost immediately a sharp pain and blood trickled down from the small wound but the injury felt deeper than that, a fractured clavicle the most likely culprit. "YOU FUCKING WHORE!!" Asmodeus raged on twisting and contorting in pain. The whip cracked with every sudden twist of the demon. "I'LL MAKE YOU SUFFER, MAKE YOU BLEED!" and it charged.

Asmodeus froze instantly when Helena aimed her pistol yet again. The wound on her jaw slowly healed itself before Helena's eyes. "Where did you get that?!" Asmodeus seethed. "Such a thing cannot exist here!"

Helena quickly glanced at the pistol in her hand. It was a revolver and appeared to be made of gold, with an ivory grip embedded with a small jewel. Etchings of intricate design covered every metal part. It seemed so out of place in her world. Whatever its origin, the pistol seemed to cause Asmodeus immense pain.

"Where is Ariel!?" Helena demanded of the creature. It stared back with it's black eyes and mouth in a scowl. Helena shot again, this time through the shoulder. Again Asmodeus roared in pain, an agonizing scream, and clawed madly where the projectile had shot through as if trying to pry away every part that hurt. "Where is Ariel!?"

"He's with Mephisto!" Asmodeus roared as if revealing such information caused her just as much agony. Helena stared back. The name only seemed vaguely familiar. "The horse breeder you wretched girl!" Asmodeus yelled when Helena didn't seem to understand. "He masqueraded as a horse breeder the day of the festival. He made a wager on Ariel's soul!"

Helena couldn't breathe.

"There's nothing you can do." Asmodeus said gaining a twisted pleasure at seeing Helena hurt by her words. "Mephisto already claims the soul, and what a sad soul it has become! All that is left is the deal that was agreed upon to reach it's end."

"Ariel. . ." Helena gasped. As much as it hurt her, Helena could understand Ariel's departure. If he wanted to avoid bringing Helena into this dreadful mix. But how could he do this? Alone especially. How could he think that after meeting again there'd ever be a chance that Helena would ever want to be without him again. There had to be away to fix it. If there was one thing Helena had, it was faith.

"Does it hurt you?" Asmodeus asked catching Helena's attention again. "To know your precious Ariel wasn't who you thought he was?"

"I still love him." Helena said undaunted.

"What a filthy word." Asmodeus sneered.

"Just tell me where he is." Helena demanded again this time pulling back the hammer on the pistol as a warning.

"I do not know where Mephisto took Ariel. I cannot see beyond Salvo. Nor can I leave this brothel that Mephisto bound me to. I cannot give you anymore information. Now take that thing out here." Asmodeus said motioning to the pistol in Helena's hand. "It's very presence disturbs me."

Helena started moving backwards, never once taking her sights off the demon before her. If she could leave this place she would be safe. Asmodeus could not follow her once she escaped the building. She would find Ariel again, she knew she would.

"Does it bother you that you were not the first woman he was with like he was your first man?"

"Quiet." Helena said trying to ignore the demon in front of her. It was just trying to hurt me, Helena thought. She reached for the doorknob behind her never once flinching in her aim. She grasped the cool metal and turned, opening the door a crack.

"He came to me first," Asmodeus said and Helena paused and considered how much she wanted to know all that happened before they reunited. "But he didn't like my playtime." Asmodeus cracked her whip never once moving from her spot. Then, knowing it would hurt Helena the most, she admitted: "I gave him to my whores." Helena immediately tensed up. "That's right, your precious Ariel frequented my brothel and not just for the soma."

"Lies!" Helena shouted whipping back to face the demon before her. She refused to believe that Ariel would ever consort with any of the women in this place. All of them so drugged and unaware of their surroundings. He would never. . .

"I thought we already established that I am no liar." Asmodeus raised her hands as if she were offended. "I wonder, are you envious of them? Of my whores?" Helena's hands shook with doubt. These strange women had been with Ariel more than she ever had. Any intimate moment she had first experienced with him, he already had with someone else. "Oh, and the stories they tell about him!"

"I said shut your mouth!" Helena warned. There was a sickness within her, telling her she needed to know despite knowing full well it would cause her distress.

"He's at his best when he can look. He likes to look -gets him all hot and heavy." Asmodeus said like a dagger through Helena's heart. Filled with a killing intent. Helena fired. Asmodeus screamed, then through gritted teeth spat, "He has to be on top, some kind of passive dominance thing I suppose. Even my best girls find themselves squirming under him. " Helena fired a shot at her face. It shattered her teeth as the piercing metal slug pass through them at out the back of her head.

Asmodeus howled in pain as Helena's memories of that nightly were slowly being poisoned. Black blood splattered onto the once pristine floor. Then once the bullet holes healed as if nothing had happened and rage itself stood before Helena.

"How many will it take for you to die!" Helena shouted. Then she fired off another, and another taking determined steps forward between each. More screaming and more blood; this time Asmodeus fell on her knees. Helena stepped closer, hoping to finally put the terrible creature out of it's own pitiful existence. There was smoke seeping out of the bullet holes.

"If you get him here," she brought her bloodstained shaky fingers up to the base of her neck, "drives him insane, can't handle it." The revelation stung the most, the very bullets she was using as her defense rebounded and shattered whatever barrier she had left. She was not the only one that could make him tremble with pleasure, or make his legs go weak in the dead of night. The realization that she could be easily replaced finally began to take hold.

Then laughter. Hysterical, maniacal laughter. Amodeus, on her knees before Helena, what little of her breath to say, "He's docile, usually. Then there are those nights," she ran her hand up chest and moaned, "when he's really worked up -"

Helena clubbed Amodeus over the head with the pistol before she finished. Amodeus fell on the floor in heap, heaving. Blood dripped on the floor from the scorch marks where the pistol had hit her. "What rage!" Asmodeus said between breaths before turning to face Helena her eyes livid with excitement. "I know someone who could've thrived off your wrath!" Helena fired yet again and again at point blank range and Asmodeus screamed in pain.

All Helena wanted at that moment was to rid the world of the dreadful Asmodeus. To send it back from where it came. It became her focus as she fired more and more rounds into the demon. A maelstrom of shimmering bullets fired straight into Asmodeus from the revolver that showed no sign of needing a reload. Helena fired until the screaming stopped and the demon didn't rise again.

Asmodeus lay in a pool of her own black blood. The bullet holes weren't healing like before and others still didn't seem to heal at all. The black leather was ripped too pieces and her red hair painted black. Her chest heaved as she breathed out in gurgles.

"Ignorant lamb. . ." it wheezed through a fractured jaw. "Ssshould have just left."

Helena pulled back the hammer for what felt like the last time when she felt someone come up from behind her, grabbed her wrists and shook the pistol loose then brought her hands to her chest pulling her closer still. The pistol fell and fired the readied shot into the ceiling where a large chunk of the mirror ceiling shattered.

People rushed to Asmodeus' side and Helena struggled against the man holding her but fighting him off was like fighting a boulder. He barely flinched at her struggling and it occurred to Helena that there was a strong possibility that he too might be like Asmodeus.

"Get it!" someone shouted, and someone rushed in with a glass box and quickly retrieved the golden pistol. As the box was shut the box emanated with a blue glow before it was hastily removed from the room.

"No!" Helena shouted as she watched her last hope pass by her in the glowing glass box. She futilely fought back more as if she could someone get her hands again on that pistol.

"So soft. . ." the man's voice whisper in Helena's ear and she froze. She knew that voice.

"Marcus." Helena said hollowly as she came to the realization of just how easily she had been fooled.

Immediately she saw all her mistakes, one after the other, but was too glazed over by thoughts of love and reunion at the time. Any other time she would have seen them immediately. She felt frustrated tears well up at the corners of her eyes but she choked them down.

Carried by her slaves, Asmodeus was brought up to Helena, bleeding and breathing irregularly like a living corpse. "You're in love with a ghost." Asmodeus spat blood onto Helena as she spoke. "Whatever he once was, is dead now. . . . and so are you." she said with finality as she was dragged away by her slaves and Helena looked at her feet letting allowing her defeat sink in.

"I don't fear death." with a stronger voice that she had anticipated. She could hear the shuffling of people bringing Asmodeus back. She looked up at the tattered demon standing her down just inches away from her face. This close, Helena could stare down her eyes like two bottomless pits. They could suck weaker souls away. "And I don't fear you."

"Do you love him now?" Helena didn't answer, her jaw had snapped back into place, but Helena stared unflinchingly into those black holes. The people around her seemed to meld into the background, the only person that mattered was not being consumed by those black empty things. Asmodeus reached up and ran her down Helena's face leaving trails of blood. "I won't kill you."

The demon sighed a breath like death on Helena's skin. "I want you to suffer, every moment after this one, for the rest of your pathetic life, you will suffer for the trouble you caused me. I will erode your soul until you just as hollow as these pitiful things." she gestured to the people around her. "They were human once. . . Just like you.

And when your precious Ariel returns to me," The demon's voice was calm and menacing. "because it's not a question of if," Helena's glare faltered and Asmodeus grinned. "I will let you watch. In a dark and cold cellar, alone, your used, and broken body will lurch with it's final breath and the last thing you will hear is him, moaning my name."

An anguished scream bellowed out of Helena as she lunged forward towards the beast, only to be held back by the brick wall that was the man holding her. Her body shook at her future so vividly described for her. She had never feared anything, until that very moment. This couldn't be the end, that couldn't be her future. "Your biggest mistake. . ." Helena seethed, "is not killing me right now because I'm sending you back to Hell." Whatever fate she had, she would defy it.

"Silly," Asmodeus purred taking a hold of Helena's wrist and pulling it down between them, Helena's wrist facing up. Using all her strength, Helena fought but Asmodeus was far stronger that the man restraining her.

Marcus made sure he had restrained Helena throughly as a glass needle materialized from Asmodeus' hand. A thick black liquid swirled like a current trapped in a bottle. "We're already here. . ." Asmodeus brought the needle closer to Helena's arm so it scraped her skin.

"Stop." Helena pleaded feebly knowing full well they would fall on deaf ears.

"You're a lamb Helena....." Amsmodeus purred. Playing with the syringe by running it up and down the length of her arm. "Not a lion.....Here, this arm will do."

"Stop!" He shouted hoping something might change the situation.

"Let me me cure you of that disease you call emotion." Asmodeus said as she shoved the needle into Helena's flesh making her cry out in pain. Then the drug came after, cloudy pulsating, it was pumped into Helena's veins.The pain was unbearable, like injecting alcohol directly into the bloodstream searing everything in it's path.

Then immediately after, nothing. Like every feeling and emotion had been drained out of her. There were people around her, including the man holding her, but thats all they were, faces in a crowd. Then whatever held her back set her free but she was in a dream state that made her feel like she was floating through water. Strangely, she felt content in her emptiness. She could not feel, she knew nothing of pain, or love, nor suffering. The whole world hummed in her ears. What was real? What did it matter if she felt nothing as long as she didn't feel sorrow. She had to find, find, someone. Was it a dream? Or not.

People were speaking, their voices disembodied whispers that echoed in her ears. Their words felt like feathers on her skin. She was being led away, the faces of shadow people swirled in smoke around her. Tan skin and black eyes. The whispers became voices. Unfocused, all speaking at once. Pale skin, green eyes. The voices grew to shouts, they groped at her pulling her this way and that. Tan skin, long hair. All of them unfamiliar until she saw one with dark skin, black hair. A form of recognition and anger before the next face passed in front of her; pale skin, red hair. All the noise stopped before the red consumed her, swirling around her like a blood in water.

Then, in the silence and red, a low animalistic groan. A beast relished in the blood, a horned devil both man and woman. A weeping woman's face, and a screaming man and a bull between them. It rushed into Helena in one quick thrust and the the red turned cold.

Helena burned with coldness. There was not a breath that escaped her that wasn't returned with that icy fire. Her body moved of on it's own accord, dancing with the dark fire. Hands wrapped around her her. Touching her, groping her. The cold flames pulsed and Helena reached out to them but her hand met empty air as curved claws slowly penetrated into her, slowly digging into her soul until she too filled with false fire. Her body shook with each pulse as each grew in strength. Her whole body trembled, her hand closing tightly around thick wiry hairs. For a brief moment it was like being in the sun, then in an instant the heat died, and Helena was alone in the dark.

She saw them, then, dark things. Thousands upon thousands clawing each other, writhing in the cold darkness. They swirled about her as if dancing to some primordial drum beat. Shifting around her with an ethereal elegance. Others would suddenly jerk wildly. They had no features, they were shadows with only their glowing eyes to distinguish them. Too many eyes, red eyes, green eyes, yellow eyes. All were watching, judging, ready to devour. Blue eyes, green eyes, yellow, red, violet, all eyes. Helena couldn't bear the watchers.

She couldn't look away. The shadows surrounded her, nearly engulfing her. All of them then began blending into the darkness into giant shadow. Then she saw them, the only ones that mattered. Those hazel eyes staring accusingly back at her; Ariel's eyes. She had never felt a greater shame.

It had to stop. All of it. She needed a way out. Release. Anything. She couldn't face his persecuting gaze. Her desperation grew. The nightmare needed to end. Helena allowed herself to fall, welcoming nothingness.